Day 139 Fearing a Bad Deal

So recently I bought a new computer and I am in the process of purchasing a car. Before buying the computer and after buying the computer I experienced back chat as like 'don't buy a computer' and after I bought the computer I had thoughts like, 'well I can just return the computer'...'I should probably just return this.' I've had the same kind of back chat about purchasing a vehicle...like I should just forget about this.

I've noticed that these back chat thoughts I've been having with regards to purchasing goods that will directly assist and support my daily living have been based in and as fear as like fear of losing my money...fear that I will lose the money and the product will not be satisfactory and I will be pissed of because I don't have the product and I don't have my money.

It's actually quite ridiculous how I allow myself to entertain thoughts as fear as like believing I am protecting myself from getting fucked because by particpating in and as giving attention to backchat/thoughts/fear as emotional reaction I am fucked...and what's so fucked about that is that I don't realise I am fucked and actually believe I am taking preventive measures to avoid be fucked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be fucked as like getting a raw deal that was manipulative and unfair.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself into ways as like pattern behaviours that I allow myself to fuck myself as consequence of trying to circumvent being fucked over.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the irony of my every reaction as feeling/emotion/backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for giving soo much focus to trying to prevent being fucked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto a self righteous attitude that I aam not actually fucked up at all and that I just got to protect myself from being fucked up like everybody else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear to exist within me as consequence of self righteous superiority complex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having defended and justified fucking myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to part with the money that I earned.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating like an emotional possessive relationship with and as money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not totally realising that an emotional possessive releationship with money reflects and exposes myself relationship as emotional possessiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing as emotional possessiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for moving as emotional possessiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a superiority/inferiority relationship with money as like I am inferior to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for allowing a ridiculous relationship to exist as inferior/superior relations to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a superior being here if I have lots of money because money is a reflection of superiority status.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire superiority status.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as less than money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to devalue myself worth and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as consequence of devaluing myself worth try to portray the opposite polarity friction charge as superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing conflict within myself as like flip flopping with positions of superiority and inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing superiority to exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing inferiority to exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my physical well being as consequence of accepting and allowing inferiority and superiority within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mysel for reacting within backchat as superiority or inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing inferiority and desiring superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having suppressed myself as equality and oneness as consequence of allowing myself to fear inferiority and desiring superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having disregarded the fact that my every relationship relfects the relationship I accept and allow within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having worshiped money as like supreme god force energy here that I move as like a devoted worshipper/follower in accordance to and as money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having allowed myself to exist as separate from money and I forgive for accepting and allowing myself for defining myself worth based on the amount of money in my bank account.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting as as like the fear of loss being activated when I part with money in the hundreds or thousands of dollars.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having thought that my way to survive here in this world is to make lots of money and spend very little.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for perpetuating humanity's fucked up relationship with money by wanting more than my I need so that I can be protected from being fucked over by not having money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted making deals as consequence of fearing a bad deal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having suppressed my deal making abilities as consequence of fearing a bad deal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having suppressed my self trust as the ability to erradicate a bad deal when a bad deal exists.




I realise myself as a deal maker and that I how I exist as a deal maker reflects how I deal with myself.

I realise the best deal is that which is best for everyone.

I realise the fuckedness of deals/acceptances and allowances as abuse.

I realise our shared reality is a reflection of a bad deal as like accepted and allowed abuse and that I am resposnible for exposing this point and for releasing/eradicating this point by taking self responsibility for my fucked up acceptances and allowances...and providing practical solutions for fuckedness alleviation as I un-fuck myself so that fucking is about coming cumming together as like fucking awesome!


When and as I see myself going into fuckedness as like backchat/fear/thoughts/reactions...I allow myself to realise myself as iron man in that I see the irony existing within myself as the fuckedness of backchat/fear/thoughts/reactions.

When and as I see myself moving from the starting point of fearing being fucked...I stop and and I breathe and I realise how by stopping and allowing myself to breathe I actually self directed the eradication of a bad deal as like fucking brutal.


I commit myself to exposing the money superiority point existent within our shared reality.

I commit myself to sharing my experiences of fucking with myself so that I may be a practical example in fuckedness prevention.

I commit myself to standing as a practical living example of fuckedness eradication.

I commit myself to destroying fuckedness so that fucking abuse no longer exists.

I commit myself to seeing the ridiculousness in and as participations of fuckedness so that I stop and breathe as like self directed movement as the initial step in not actively engaging and encouraging fuckedness to continue and expand within myself.










check out the following links:

http://desteniiprocess.com
http://desteni.org
http://equalmoney.org
http://eqafe.com


google the word, 'poverty' and click on images.

guess what? were responible for the solution. Particpate in bring forth a monestary system that supports life and not abuse. See http://equalmoney.org