Day 505 Fishing For Reactions

I was at the comedy club tonight checking out a show. It was a real nice venue where the stage was real close to the audience, in a not too big of a room that had about 200 people. I liked the set up in that people were packed into the place.

A few judgments came up in me this evening as points of self-reflection:

Laughter used as a point of reaction as like reacting to the comic just saying something shocking/surprising/distasteful/vulgar/inconsiderate.

Comic fishing for the laughter as a point of reaction to just saying something shocking/surprising/distasteful/vulgar/inconsiderate.

Comic talking shit about another person.


I realize and understand that these are all tactics used within the arena of stand up comedy. I understand the judgement has come up within me because these are all things I have done. I've done all of these things a lot.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fishing for laughter as a point of reaction to just saying something that is regarded as shocking/surprising/distasteful/vulgar/inconsiderate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for laughing from within and as the starting point of reacting to hearing something shocking/surprising/distasteful/vulgar/inconsiderate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fishing for laughter from others by talking shit about another person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for laughing as a reaction to someone talking shit about someone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my potential to share real funny within desiring to receive reactionary laughter that can be regarded as funny.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for make believing funny out of making fun of others as like forms of put-downs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating the starting point of ridiculousness away from myself as within making fun of somebody else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging the audience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding myself as the audience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging comedians.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself as a comedian.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to take it personally when I see a comedian doing a bit that I don't think is very good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing expectations upon stand-up comedians.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking with myself about comedy/stand up comedy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging the various tactics used within the craft of stand up comedy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself in competition with other stand up comedians.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regard myself as superior and inferior to other stand up comedians.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing stand up comedy to be just a big ego dick swinging competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to comics getting emotional.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting emotional doing stand up comedy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk shit about stand up comedians.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk shit about myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get jealous and envious of stand up comedians.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to put in the time working on my stand up comedy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making excuses and justifications as to why I have been neglecting the point of stand up comedy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed with myself for slacking off on the point of stand up comedy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have mind fucked myself with regards to stand up comedy within and as the result of accepting and allowing myself to indulge within backchat as self imposed limitation in and as the form of excuses/justification/avoidance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for fishing for reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fishing for reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining fishing for reactions as something bad and negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling guilty for having triggered so many reactions in so many people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I must try to avoid triggering reactions in people at all times.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking offense to reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing for taking reactions personally within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed of all my reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed of all my reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disgusted by my reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting high off of reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling powerful within generating/triggering reactions within myself/others.



To be Continued