Day 499 Standing and Sitting Up Within Myself

So I noticed the point where many times I'm sitting down...and I'm slouching, like I don't really want to sit up right within myself...like sitting upright seems difficult almost, like more effort than I'd care to use. And I noticed recently how sometimes when I'm standing up, I'm like slouching within my stance, like leaning a lot of weight on one of my hips...and I was like what the fuck, it's like I'm not wanting to fully stand up within myself.

I can recall some early child hood memories where I regarded sitting up straight as something to be avoided...and also I can recall reacting to having to walk through the mall department store with my mom and being so bored and finding it difficult to move myself...like I would want to sit down all the time and I was leaning on things, and basically just kind of throwing myself around as like I was making the experience difficult on myself as like I didn't really want to stand up within myself and looking back at the whole experience I was making a big deal about nothing...I mean, it's like I was judging the situation I was in and thinking I would prefer to be standing in another situation as opposed to this one...and within that acceptance and allowance it's like I made standing up to be a difficult experience within myself.

I've also noticed throughout the years, I would often have trouble/difficulty standing still listening to some pep talk or speech or whatever where I was just required to stand still and listen for an extended amount of time....like I wasn't moving around because I had to listen to whatever was being presented to me....and it's like I judged it at some point...and the experience became difficult/tough...as like a holding myself up experience without wanting to really stand up within myself...but standing up.

I can recall so many times within hockey practices throughout the years where I would be leaning on the outside of my skates as like standing straight up on my skates seemed like a chore I was uninterested in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to sit upright within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to stand upright within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding an upright posture within standing and sitting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for losing myself in moments of sitting and standing still.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to kind of fall asleep within myself while sitting or standing still.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing myself to want to resist an upright posture within moments of standing or sitting still.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it is too much effort for me to sit and stand upright within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being lazy within standing and sitting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating opposition within my stances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging my and comparing my stances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging and comparing myself in the moment and and comparing/placing myself in opposition with myself in and as another situation that I would prefer being in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the consequences of opposing myself within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to move around the shopping mall with my mom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to sit upright in my chair at school or elsewhere.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to stand upright at work or sports practice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I require to slouch most of the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a habit out of slouching.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing slouching to be better than being upright.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for slouching as a point of rebellion/opposition within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting physical body awareness within slouching.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting self-awareness within slouching.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting body posture within slouching.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for having been so lazy within myself with regards to my physical standing and sitting.

I commit myself to effort-full living

I commit myself to stop judging effort.

I commit myself to stop neglecting my posture.

I commit myself to physical body awareness within standing and sitting.

I commit myself to stop judging body positions.

I commit myself to stop opposing myself.

I commit myself to stop being lazy within standing and sitting.

I commit myself to standing and sitting upright within myself.

I commit myself to enjoy standing and sitting upright within myself.

I commit myself to stand and sit upright at work/sports training practice/school

I commit myself to changing my relationship with sitting and standing still.

I commit myself to enjoy sitting and standing still.

I commit myself to become strong within sitting and standing still.