Day 56, Re-Defining Discipline

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a negative polarity charge towards and with the word, 'discipline'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted pushing my discipline as a result of resisting the negative energetic charge I had assigned to and as the word discipline.

I forgive myself for not realising that I was existing as a negative energetic charge as discipline and therfore my expression as discipline has been unstable/unbalanced as a result of holding onto a polarity energetic charge within myself as discipline.

I forgive myself for not realising how holding polarity charges within myself as words influences my movement and expression/particpation in day to day practical living as a result of polarity energetic charges within myself that act as coding/programing as accepted and allowed play-outs that I have created.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting the importance of purifying my vocabulary as a result of lacking discipline as the self-dedication to self perfection as to do what is absolute best in all ways within and as the starting point principle oneness and equality as a result of holding onto a polarity charged relationship with and as the word discipline.

I forgive myelf for accepting and allowing myself for having manifested consequneces for myself to face and walk through as a result of accepting and allowing a polarity charged relationship within and as myself as discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the consequences and influences of accepting and allowing polarity charged definitions to exist within myself as words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that resistance towards work has been so extsensive as a result of me accepting and allowing direct conflict with and as the word discipline.

I forgive myself for not realising how ignoring the polarity charged accepted and allowed relationship with and as the word discipline has influenced my work experiences and academic studies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected my academic studies and my work for having suppressed myself expression as discipline as an equalized word from and as the satring point of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for not realising the simplicity of expanding the quality of my life as equality and oneness by equalizing my vocabulary on a daily basis untill the change is noticeable as absolute.

I forgive myself for not realising the simplicity and wowness of taking the self responsibility to actually live words as an expression of who I am and that by taking atleast one word on a daily basis and applying the word as myself is like piecing myself back together again and therfore I am directly gifting myself.

I forgive myself for not realising the simplicity in gifting myself with words as becoming living words from the starting point of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted purifying/equalizing my vocabulary on a daily basis because of the accepted and allowed back chat of, 'that wiill take soo long....i see and realise the point of polarity...i don't actually have to go through and redefine words.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hvaing denied myself the gift of a purified/equalized vocabulary as a result of accepting and allowing self abdication as laziness and wanting a shortcut/easier way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring shortcuts as a way to circumvent living and pushing the point of and as self discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared living discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted discipline as a result of accepting and allowing myself for fearing facing myself and pushing myself as discipline.

I forgive myself for not realising the simplicity of discipline as practical assistance and support to enhance daily practical living with specificty in living what is best for all beings here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having denied the importance and practicality of living self-discipline as equality and oneness as what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having considered discipline to be a punishmnet that I want to avoid at all costs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing discipline as a punishmnet that is to be avoided at alll costs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having compromised myself as a result of fearing discipline and therfore avoiding dicipline and believeing discipline to be not worthy of my attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and ignoring the word 'discipline'.

I forgive myself for not realising how difficult I have made soo many experiences of myself as a result of denying the point of absolute self discipline as practical assistance and support as strength training as life enhancing greatness as a point of self expansion.




I realise that I was existing as a negative energetic charge as discipline and therfore my expression as discipline has been unstable/unbalanced as a result of holding onto a polarity energetic charge within myself as discipline.

I realise how holding polarity charges within myself as words influences my movement and expression/particpation in day to day practical living as a result of polarity energetic charges within myself that act as coding/programing as accepted and allowed play-outs that I have created.

I realise the importance of purifying vocabulary as a means to remove all polarity charges from words so that self expression as living words stands equal and one here as the absolute best in all ways.

I realise the consequences and influences of accepting and allowing polarity charged definitions to exist within myself as words.

I realise that resistance towards work has been so extsensive as a result of me accepting and allowing direct conflict with and as the word discipline.

I realise how ignoring the polarity charged accepted and allowed relationship with and as the word discipline has influenced my work experiences and academic studies.

 I realise the simplicity of expanding the quality of my life as equality and oneness by equalizing my vocabulary on a daily basis untill the change is noticeable as absolute.

I realise the simplicity and wowness of taking the self responsibility to actually live words as an expression of who I am and that by taking atleast one word on a daily basis and applying the word as myself is like piecing myself back together again and therfore I am directly gifting myself.

I realise the simplicity in gifting myself with words as becoming living words from the starting point of equality and oneness

I realise the simplicity of discipline as practical assistance and support to enhance daily practical living with specificty in living what is best for all beings here.

I realise how difficult I have made soo many experiences of myself as a result of denying the point of absolute self discipline as practical assistance and support as strength training as life enhancing greatness as a point of self expansion.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing backchat as feelings/emotions/thoughts as excuse/justification/reasoning/labeling/distraction/fear/desire/judgement/reaction to take my attention away from a specific focus I have committed to, I stop, I breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of even considering following back chat and suppressing discipline as life enhancing greatness. I allow myself a moment to relish in the ridiculousness as confirmation of self realisation of accepted and allowed rediculousness. I make a point of sharing points of ridiculousness that I accept and allow myself a moment to relish within the self realisation of such ridiculousness.

dictionary definitions of the word discipline:

 dis·ci·pline  (ds-pln)

n.

1. Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.

2. Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.

3.

a. Control obtained by enforcing compliance or order.

b. A systematic method to obtain obedience: a military discipline.

c. A state of order based on submission to rules and authority: a teacher who demanded discipline in the classroom.

4. Punishment intended to correct or train.

5. A set of rules or methods, as those regulating the practice of a church or monastic order.

6. A branch of knowledge or teaching.

tr.v. dis·ci·plined, dis·ci·plin·ing, dis·ci·plines

1. To train by instruction and practice, especially to teach self-control to.

2. To teach to obey rules or accept authority. See Synonyms at teach.

3. To punish in order to gain control or enforce obedience. See Synonyms at punish.

4. To impose order on: needed to discipline their study habits.

---

[Middle English, from Old French descepline, from Latin disciplna, from discipulus, pupil; see disciple.]

---

disci·pli·nal (-pl-nl) adj.

disci·pliner n.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

playing with the word and the sounds of the word discipline:

diss-a-plan...disciple...

playing with new definition: discipline is a tool of support to not accepting any escape/excuse/justifictaion as way out as a way of dissing the plan that has been accepted and allowed to be followed as a point of self commitmnet. Self discipline is to realise self as the student and the teacher and to keep at the focus/keep on target....to know that distractions as things that take attention off specific focus is to lack discipline as self commitment and honor as self nourishment.

new defintion Discipline: Discipline is a point of self commitmnet as self nourishment as assistance and support in living what is absolutely best as discipline is a tool that enhances and expands the quality of life as oneness and equality as discipline facilitates focus to not accept and allow distraction and giving up as escapes as justifictaion/excuses. Discipline is a point of self direction as self direction cannot exist without discipline. Discipline in not a polarity charged word. Discipline is a word that can stand eternally as assiatnce and support from and as the starting point of oneness and equality. Discipline is life enhancing greateness.

I commit myself to living discipline.

I commit myself to sharing the awesomeness of discipline.

I commit myself to being an example of discipline.

I commit myself as Discipline.

I am Discipline

 

Day 55, Regret and Fear as Consequence to Rushed Decisions

 

So today I went to the bus station to see if the bus would be running today that in previous days had been cancelled due to a mudslide along one of the highways. I found out today that the bus would be running later this evening...and proceeded to buy my ticket...after having purchased my ticket...I experienced thoughts/emotions about how I shouldnt have purchased my ticket because there was a chance that I would be able to score a ride with people that would be driving that way the next day.  Initially I just kind of forgot about that as I didn't really slow myself down with breathing in making sure that I should purchase my ticket right now in the afternoon...and that there is no reason for me to wait to make sure I need the ticket.

So, I was likr fuck...and a lil bit emotional as like I might be losing out on some money as I poted for the non refundable ticket. I was looking at this point as re-inforcing the point of slowing myself down with breathin in making decsions to make sure I am checking all variables and that I am in fact making an absolute best decisions.

Even though I realised that I was re-inforcing a point within myself that I have not lived,..I experienced regret for the mistake I made and I see that it was like me experiencing a zing because I might be losing some money and I was a little bit upset.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not slowing myself down within and as breathing as to make sure of the decision I am making so that I do not disregard any points of consideration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for experiencing guilt and regret for having made a mistake in that I rushed a decision in purchasing my bus ticket and that I did not consider all variable in making my decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting emotionally to the mistake I made as regret/guilt due to the accepted and allowed fear of loss within myself with specific regard to the fear of losing money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a stong energetic relationship to money where I am postively charged upon receiving/making lots of money and negatively charged upon losing money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a moment of dwelling within the thought/emotion of losing money even though I realise this entire experience was a gift/present for me to facilitiate self realisation that I had not yet proven effective within myself with specific regard to slowing myself down with breath in making decisions and allowing myself to consider all variables before I decided to move forward with a decision.

I forgive myself for not fully realising that if I do not slow myself down to existing within and as the pace of my breathing with and as my self direction...than I am liable to get a head of myself and therefore miss points/considerations within myself as being caught in automated consciousness as just tripping in the mind as being bound by a train of thought.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being possessed by the consequence of my actions and keep replaying the scenario over in my head and also creating what if scenarios in my head and future projection scenarios based in and as hope to relieve the experience of having made a wrong decision and having lost money as a result of having rushed a decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making wrong decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing feeling and emotional reactions to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing money to exist as an energetic charge within myself that is either positive or negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring positive feeling energetic expereinces with money anf for fearing negative emotional energetic experiences with money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for spending money to provide a sense of energetic high/rush/positive experience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my gratittude for this series of events as a poinbt of assitance and suopport in showing myself the consequence of automated mind particpations as a result of being physically present in and as breath.

I realise I will make mistakes and I will face my consequences and that in facing mistakes/consequences I have the oppurtunity to self correct myself within and as self forgiveness which facilitates self realisation and re-scripting my behaviour programming to practically live/apply self realisation as self correction as practical insight which I could not see before which therefore opens my eyes to seeing a point which I could not see before and therfore in correcting a past moment I change future moments and new oppurtunites/paths of assistance and support open up for me which were previously not available to me.

I realise gratittude and gratefulness as awesome tools of self support in facing consequence(s) to not get stuck within emotional possession of sub conscious mind and can therfore embrace the gift and can transcend the point of accepted and allowed limitiation with self forgiveness and self corrective statements as self realisation and re-scripting as When and as I see myself accepting and allowing.......I stop, I breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing such a point within and as myself.

I realise that if I do not slow myself down to existing within and as the pace of my breathing with and as my self direction...than I am liable to get a head of myself and therefore miss points/considerations within myself as being caught in automated consciousness as just tripping in the mind as being bound by a train of thought.

I realise that If I am ahead of myself so to speak...than what the fuck...I am split into parts and am not exisitng as a whole being here as life.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to go into a point of decision making and I am about to sppeak confirmation of a decision, I stop for a moment and I slow myself down with breath as like I am pausing to make sure I am clear in having checked all relevant check points in making/finalizing a specific decision as I apply brutal self honesty within myself as allowing myself to pause for a moment as I hold my breath inward and look within myself to make sure that I am clear in my decision making before I release my breath outwards as the confirmation of having been brutally honest with myself as self trust in checking all points of consideration in making a decision.

Day 54, Thoughts/Feelings/Emotions as Presents of Support

 

I forgive myself for not realising that thought/feelings/emotions are presents of support to assist and support me in facilitating self realisation as what I have accepted and allowed within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having separated thoughts/feelings/emotions from and as gifts/presents and therfore blamed my thoughts/feelings/emotions as distractions from receiving more gifts to assist and support the facilitation of self realisation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that everything here is a present/gift to assist and support self realisation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging gifts/presents and for ignoring some gifts/presents as a result of giving the present/gift a low value as a result of not having a strong energetic reaction to the gift/present.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that the gift of life includes everything and therefore there are many parts/pieces that accumulate the whole of life and I forgive myself for not realising that piece by piece, part by part...gift by gift...I am gifting/piecing myself back together again as self realisation of and as oneness and equality as one whole life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having suppressed gratitude and gratefulness as appreciation for every thought/feeling/emotion I have experienced as point of support showing me the natur of my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having not questioned my every thought/feeling/emotion in order to see and realise how I have been presented with a point of support as a tool/gift to work/play with.

I forgive myself for not realising that I am the staring point of life as gift/present as oneness and equality and that everything is for me as me is you...and therfore it's all about me and it's all about you because you is me and me is you and therfore what is best for all life is the absolute best because oneness and equality is what is best for everyone always as we are all it, here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  for not realising how specific every moment is as points of multi dimensionality as gifts/presents as assistance and support here.

I forgive myself for having not really considered that each moment is an oppurtunity to stand as self realisation as oneness and equality as what is best for all life and that standing as the principle of onenenss and equality is impacting as a ripple effect that manifests throughout existence as an example of self realisation as oneness and equality here physically manifested

I forgive myself for not realising the simplicity of the statement, 'give as you like to recieve' as being all about self without separation and within and as the principle of oneness and equality as what is best for all life and that caring is sharing...and gifts/presents can only ever be given to self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having separated myself into separate selves and as a result allowed instability within myself as wavering self trust as indecisiveness in walking decisions as self trust commitment/agreement as walking/moving as principled living from and as the starting point of oneness and equality as the will/bond I am

I realise the simplicity of the statement, 'give as you like to recieve' as being all about self without separation and within and as the principle of oneness and equality as what is best for all life and that caring is sharing...and gifts/presents can only ever be given to self.

I realise that each moment is an oppurtunity to stand as self realisation as oneness and equality as what is best for all life and that standing as the principle of onenenss and equality is impacting as a ripple effect that manifests throughout existence as an example of self realisation as oneness and equality here physically manifested

I realise how specific every moment is as points of multi dimensionality as gifts/presents as assistance and support here.

I realise that I am the staring point of life as gift/present as oneness and equality and that everything is for me as me is you...and therfore it's all about me and it's all about you because you is me and me is you and therfore what is best for all life is the absolute best because oneness and equality is what is best for everyone always as we are all it, here.

I realise that the gift of life includes everything and therefore there are many parts/pieces that accumulate to the whole of life and I forgive myself for not realising that piece by piece, part by part...gift by gift...I am gifting/piecing myself back together again as self realisation of and as oneness and equality as one whole life.

I realise that thoughts/feelings/emotions are presents of support to assist and support me in facilitating self realisation as what I have accepted and allowed within myself.

I realise the importance of questioning every thought/feeling/emotion that comes up from within me so that I can understand the nature of the gift/tool I am receiving so that I know how to play/work with it.

I realise the togetherness of work and play as oneness and equality fused/merged/intertwined together as a working play...playing and working together...as one cannot exist without the other as we work on our play and play with our work as living self fulfillment as grateful for life presence here

When and as I see myself being ungrateful for a thought/feeling/emotion that has come up within me, I stop, I breathe and I ask myself how this moment is assisting and supporting me as I realise I am the answer and the solution to my question as I am the question the answer and the solution and by asking myself a question I am giving myself direction as assistance and support from and as the stating point of oneness and equality and I work and play with assistance and support because it is fun and fun is who I am.

I commit myself to working and playing with assistance and support as embracing myself as fun

I commit myself to enjoying presents of  assistance and support as I realise who I am is presents of assistance and support

Day 53 Opportunities Galore

I forgive myself for not realizing the extent to which opportunities are constantly presented to me as presents here and that the funny thing about all the presents as opportunities is that I must be present to receive presents...otherwise present/gift is not realized in the moment due to distractions such as thoughts/feelings/emotions

I forgive myself for not realizing the importance of slowing myself down as assistance and support as assessing opportunities/situations/presents and that slowing down is done from the perspective of directing the pace of my breathing with and as self willed direction/movement and that when I take self willed initiative to slow myself down, my mind slows down and comes to a halt and thus I am able to see and hear in greater detail the opportunities/presents/examples that are being shared with me in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been overwhelmed at all the opportunities/presents/gifts/sharing's that are available to me.

I forgive myself for not realizing how living gratitude as a great attitude as gratefulness is like the key to opening/receiving gifts/presents/opportunities that assist and support self realization and facilitate growth and expansion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having missed so many gifts that were presented to me because I was not entirely present to receive the gift because I was engaged within a train of thought trip that prevented me from seeing/hearing and inquiring about the gift/present/opportunity that was within my sights and hearing.

I forgive myself for not realizing the extent to which daily writing opens up opportunities as gifts/presents as points of self realizations and scripts as ways/paths that are of great assistance and support as absolute awesomeness in facilitating the becoming of greatness as manifested living of gratefulness.

I forgive myself for not realizing that increasing detail and specificity in living gratefulness and gratitude being a great attitude increases greatness/fulfillment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the moment to moment application of living gratefulness beginning with the breath of life and expanding outward and compressing inward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing absolute awesomeness of time compression and expansion with and as self direction of breathing.

I forgive myself for not realizing the assistance and support my mind provides me as a tool of oneness and equality to show me how I have programmed myself

I realize the extent to which opportunities are constantly presented to me as presents here and that the funny thing about all the presents as opportunities is that I must be present to receive presents...otherwise present/gift is not realized in the moment due to distractions such as thoughts/feelings/emotions


I realize the importance of slowing myself down as assistance and support as assessing opportunities/situations/presents and that slowing down is done from the perspective of directing the pace of my breathing with and as self willed direction/movement and that when I take self willed initiative to slow myself down, my mind slows down and comes to a halt and thus I am able to see and hear in greater detail the opportunities/presents/examples that are being shared with me in the moment.


I realize how living gratitude as a great attitude as gratefulness is like the key to opening/receiving gifts/presents/opportunities that assist and support self realization and facilitate growth and expansion.





I realize the extent to which daily writing opens up opportunities as gifts/presents as points of self realizations and scripts as ways/paths that are of great assistance and support as absolute awesomeness in facilitating the becoming of greatness as manifested living of gratefulness.


I realize that increasing detail and specificity in living gratefulness and gratitude being a great attitude increases greatness/fulfillment.


I realize the assistance and support my mind provides me as a tool of oneness and equality to show me how I have programmed myself


I realize absolute awesomeness of time compression and expansion with and as self direction of breathing.


When and as I see myself stuck/possessed by a thought/feeling/emotion, I stop and I breathe and I hold my breath for a moment as indication of me standing as the point of self direction as director of reality and I take a moment to hold myself still within breath and appreciate the air I am holding within me as gratitude and gratefulness


I commit myself to becoming as specific and detailed as possible in living gratefulness and gratitude as a great attitude.


I commit myself to being/becoming a physical manifested example of gratefulness and gratitude being a great attitude.

Day 52, From Stress to Self Direction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how self direction has been compromised within backchat as reactions as feelings/emotions as to my movements and participations within my world

.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stress about being the director of my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt my ability to direct my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for stalling and waiting to direct my reality as a result of accepting and allowing a relationship with fear within myself to act in charge as the constant friction charging of my mind as thought/feeling/emotion

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to piss others off in my world and I forgive myself for fearing an existential fuck up within and as my movement/self direction as a creator here and I forgive myself for not realising that my inaction/stalling and waiting is an existential fuckup as abdication of self responsibility in principled living as oneness and equality self realisation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for giving in to fear as excuse/justification as back chat emotional self compromise.

I forgive myself for not realising the extent to which fear/emotion/feeling has influenced my standing/stability/expression as director/creator of reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making excuses and justifications to validate and excuse myself from daily writing of self forgiveness as a point of practical self support to assist and support the enhancement of my daily living oneness and equality as principle self realisation as my starting point of existing/expressing/being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing self nourishment as daily writing for having accepted and allowed myself to excise myself from pushing through the resistance to write on a few occasions because I was tired and it seemed like too much work and that I would just do it late/the next day and I forgive myself for not realising the accumulation factor buildup in allowing a point of self abuse/fuckedness to exist within me in and as relation to and as procrastination/postponement and I forgive myself for not realising the extent of consequences as self compromise/self suppression as a result of accepting and allowing postponement/waiting/procrastination/justification/excuse/avoidance/accumulation factor effect

I forgive myself for not realising the assistance and support as self nourishment in and as self consistency in making a point of continuously/daily completing all assignments/tasks/jobs/work so that I am able to capitalize on all opportunities that present themselves to me as presents here as unconditional support given and provided for me by me as a result of me giving myself nourishment as living self realisation of oneness and equality as assistance and support always and that i get what i give and therefore I am only able to receive that which I am willing to give and therefore it is in my giving that opens up my ability to receive and prosper from my reception as effective use of self forgiveness as an amazing tool of self support to enhance giving and receiving what is best

I realise that self trust is beyond back chat feeling/emotional reactions and that self trust is embracing resistance/fear/conflict with the confidence and courage to realise self=capabilities to direct myself in the moment as the absolute best way as assistance and support and to realise that if I make a mistake it is ok because i learn from my mistakes and therefore facing a mistake is like removing accepted and allowed manifested weakness...which therefore means I recycle weakness/suppression and turn it into support/strength as self direction and enhanced self trust capabilities/confidence to  make best decisions as all as one as equal in seeing/realising common sense simplicity of oneness and equality and that what is best for everyone in all ways includes me as I am  here

When and as I see myself being influenced by emotional backchat, I stop, I breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing emotional influence and therefore I face all points of emotional influence and reconcile the accepted and allowed/ingrained fear that created and manifested the emotional reaction as backchat feeling/buzz

Day 51, Stupid Gay Silly Voice

The opportunity arose today to express my gay voice as I was being silly with some of my co-workers...and the point came up about another being expressing his gay voice to his roommates...and I started making ridiculous impressions of the being using a gay voice tonality...and it was evident as my sound that my gay voice sounded stupid/retarded...and a co-worker even commented about it...and I said..."I know...it must be because at the core of my being that I think being gay is retarded and stupid." And after I said that I was kind of like woah. I also acknowledged that the other day when I was trying to do gay voice tonalities/impressions the other day, I noticed the point of stupid and retarded sounding within my tonality while trying to emphasise just a gay voice tonality...not specifically stupid or retarded.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is bad to think that being gay is stupid or retarded.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for validating the stupidity and retardedness of gayness with my first self forgiveness statement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging gayness as stupid and retarded.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining gayness as stupid and retarded.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pitying gay people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for worrying about my comment of gayness being stupid and retarded to be offensive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that everyone is gay and straight capable and that hating one way or the other way is stupid and retarded.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting myself as self righteous and as separate from gayness and intellectually superior to gayness....I forgive myself for not realising the extent of my fear of gayness and gay capabilities and for making excuses/justifications/reasoning to deny my gay capabilities because I accepted and allowed myself to define gayness as stupid and retarded.

So, In looking at this point, initially I feared my reaction that gayness is stupid and retarded...and that I am being mean and unkind and that I should forgive myself for thinking being gay is stupid/retarded...and that I am being mean and unkind and that I should forgive myself for thinking being gay is stupid and retarded...and then i looked at the point of judging/stereotyping gayness with stupid/retarded sounding voices/lisps...and I reckoned that not all gay people sound stupid and retarded based on their voice tonalities...also the stupid/retardedness of gayness didn't come up until I tried to imitate voices of people that openly express themselves as gay...and it's like I fear seeing the point that gayness/homosexuality is  in fact stupid/retarded because I see this being a point of conflict/friction with other beings here because I am calling a particular preference stupid/retarded...and a cool quote from Sunnette about preference,..to paraphrase her words is to say, 'it's about living principle over preference as the principle of oneness and equality considers what is best for everyone.'

Oneness and equality is what is best for all beings here....
Oneness and equality is beyond preference.

Within ranting and raving thus far, the point has risen...'fear of letting go of sexual preference'...that no preference can be stupid/retarded if no preference exists...which kind of exposes the stupidity/retardedness/pre programming of preferences and the point of principle over/before preference.  Principle being simple...The best for all life...this to be lived therefore requires me to stand as a representative of and as all life here as living self realisation...common sense simplicity is my guide and self honesty/trust in pushing through resistance is my road map in becoming life always here in every moment as sound physicality...physically fit as oneness and equality

walking process requires courage as the murderous rage that stops accepting and allowing anything within self as less than principled living oneness and equality.

WOW!  COOL! YES! I AM HERE! GRATEFUL FOR/AS LIFE PRESENTS PRESENCE...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging life presents presence as sound self expression equality and oneness merged into beingness as physical manifested presents/presence of grateful greatness.

I realise greatness is who I am.

When and as I see myself suppressing greatness I stop, I breathe and I realise and look at ridiculousness of accepted and allowed suppression of who I am.

Day 50, Expressing Silly and Gay Voices

I have some friends who express silly and gay voices very well.  Today I had extensive resistance to expressing a gay voice.  It's like I doubted my ability express gay/silly voice.



It sounds kind of funny writing about and sharing this point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to express a gay/silly self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to express a gay/silly voice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing as the point of gayness and silliness.

I forgive myself for resisting facing myself as silly/gay voice tonality expressions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having doubted my ability to express gay/silly voices.

I realise the ridiculousness of having feared to make gay/silly voices/sounds.

I realise the funniness as ridiculousness in trying to express silly/gay voice tonalities from within the starting point of fear.

When and as I see myself resisting to express myself in a certain manner, such as gay/silly voice tonalities...I STOP! I breathe!...I push through the resistance as I realise the ridiculousness of fearing to make gay/silly sounds/voices.

Day 49, Projecting Future Complaints and Excuses

I had thoughts about in the future telling friends about the hardships of tree planting as not making as much money as I'd like and blaming it on the fact that the tree planting contract I was working wasn't that good.

Looking at this point, I see that I place expectation on my friends as having expectations of my greatness at tree planting and making lots of money...and it's like I feel bad bad...like an emotional low if I don't have great news to brag about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting future blame as complaining about misfortune tree planting as not making as much money as I have at previous times.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting emotional when I don't make a lot of money tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel high when I make a lot of money tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having projected thoughts about in the future telling friends about hardships tree planting from the perspective of whining and complaining about not making as much money as I feel entitled to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place expectations within my friends as how I believe/feel they perceive me as great and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having emotions about sharing less than spectacular new and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to share good news as like me bragging about sharing information that is good for me as it gives me feelings of a high.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging having and experiencing emotions and feelings as bad/wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for complaining/whining within my head and creating future projection of whining/complaining to friends as audience to pity my whining/complaining.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for whining and complaining as a form of self validation for when I invalidate myself with self judgment.

I realise the ridiculousness of allowing myself to whine/complain within myself and to project whining/complaining on a future audience.

I realise that any acceptance and allowance of whining and complaining is an indication/indicator of accepted and allowed self pity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for self pitying myself while tree planting by accepting and allowing myself for creating future projections of fifrends pitying my whining/complaining to them as unfortunate misfortune

I realise whining and complaining is bullshit.  I realise I am not interested in participating in whining and complaining.  I realise the absolute ridiculousness of whining and complaining as emotional verbal diarrhea.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to project  a future audience listiening to me whine and complain, I stop! I breathe!...and I laugh at the ridiculousness as confirmation of seeing and realising the ridiculousness of whining and complaining.

Day 48, Predicting a Future of Fuckedness is Fucked!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto the past as fuckedness as justification/excuse/abdication of will and resolve to provide practical solutions to in fact change the nature of complex fuckedness into simplified awesomeness as Life simplicity which is best for everyone being here as equality and oneness subsistence substance...Which is eternal orgasm as wow it is the same wow whether the weather of expression of and as eternal orgasm moves forward or backwards as wow is a wow from beginning to end and from end to beginning as wow.

I forgive myself for not realising the simplicity of wow is me as wow as life being eternal orgasm as sound expression equality and oneness as absolute awesomeness which is best in all ways as always here as fucking wow.

WOW!

!!!

! WOW

I realize wow as awesome is looking and seeing beyond/without fear as self fulfilling prophecy of as existence as eternal orgasm humbling wow in gratitude and gratefulness as recipient in receiving the gift of life as absolute presents which is to continue giving as we like to receive as oneness and equality subsistence substance which is best for everyone being here.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing self imposed judgement as apparent knowing as self righteous justification/excuses of and as self delusioned/self compromised/self exploitation if and as abdication of and equality and oneness, I stop! I breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of such self imposed acceptances and allowances as being complete absurdity and of no reliance whatsoever...and therefore it is easy to let such acceptances and allowances go in one moment as living self realisation of and as living self fulfillling prophecy as eternal orgasm of wow as life simplicity as absolute awesomeness here being absolute assistance and support in servitude of life support living gratitude and gratefulness as gifted being here.

I commit myself to sharing self realisations of life simplicity as wow as eternal orgasm here as oneness and equality sound expression.

I am grateful for being gifted as life living here which stands as  for principled living based in equality and oneness as starting point origin.

Day 47, Performance and Audience

Performance and audience

So, soooo

I’m always performing here and the audience is always me...it’s funny to realise this because so much i had been wanting and desiring to perform in front of a desired crowd to listen to me share...and it’s kind of ha-ha a ha because I was holding back from giving a full performance as me as sharing and self expressions... because of the environment I was in...like for example with my co-worker and friends...like I thought it would be better and easier to share with strangers...and it’s like in my mind I had a preference to do so that way...and today I was like what the fuck..I was having thoughts about this...and  I realised the point of fear of sharing me unconditionally...without judgement...like to express me without compromise and to express me because who I am is orgasmic self expression...and therefore I erupt so to speak and yes man I see the point of ridiculousness in allowing fear to influence self expression as a limiting debilitator...and I even experienced a little bit of it this evening when I went out to the dance club to dance as there was some resistance within myself to letting totally loose and doing  my thang on the dance floor...it’s like I had a little bit of hesitation within myself...like doubting my confidence and self trust and really just a mind fuck because I know I am capable.  Also I pointed the finger at my girlfriend and her friend for their hesitance and resistance within letting loose and dancing...which is brutal because I blamed them to avoid seeing myself delusion as the point of self reflection/realisation.

Then I saw some fancy fine foot work on the dance floor and I recognized the awesomeness in it as one and equal as I am and it was a cool point of support and I stood as the expression of fine fancy foot work for a moment and made up my own moves of fine fancy foot work and it was so much fun and was like the most effortless flow as like weightless water

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to share my performance as me as self expression example

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to share stand-up comedy with strangers and not give a shit about sharing with those in my immediate environment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing stand-up comedy with those in my immediate environment.

I forgive myself for having a little bit of hesitation within myself about letting loose on the dance floor.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to point the finger as a way to of avoiding looking at self accepted and allowed self delusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having compromised performance/self expression with accepted and allowed self judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating thoughts about the audience as people around me in my environment as accepted and allowed judgments about their perception.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pointing the finger at my girlfriend and her friend as being ridiculous on the dance floor because of their hesitation and resistance within themselves and I forgive myself for not realising that I was pointing the finger because I was irritated and annoyed with my own hesitance and accepted and allowed resistance on the dance floor and my defense mechanism within myself were so on guard to prevent me from recognizing my own accepted and allowed self sabotage/self suppression

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my girlfriend

I forgive myself for not realising the vast amount of assistance and support my girlfriend has provided me as a mirror of self reflection in studying reactions within daily participations.

I realise the vast amount of assistance and support my girlfriend has provided me as a mirror of self reflection in studying reactions within daily participations.

I realise that I was pointing the finger because I was irritated and annoyed with my own hesitance and accepted and allowed resistance on the dance floor and my defense mechanism within myself were so on guard to prevent me from recognizing my own accepted and allowed self sabotage/self suppression


I realise self expression is flawless without fear/judgement

When and as I see myself resisting to share self expression...I know this a point for me to push through and not give in to resistance because I am capable of pushing through resistance with and as self expression and therefore I birth myself as life with and as self expression in the moment as who I am here in the moment as oneness and equality.

I commit myself to sharing my best performance always as sound self expression as eternal orgasm 

Day 46, Hipster Dufus

The it's all good, man attitude.

Stoner, hipster, goofing around...cool attitude...happy....long hair...goofy.



There's a dude in camp whop fits this mold more than others I'd say and I've had nasty thoughts about him...well ya...nasty in the sense...that I think of him as a hipster dufus...and thoughts of making fun of him or making fun of him to others/in front of others...brutal shit.

Irony of this writing is this dude reflects me as Ive existed as a Hipster Dufus

So, why is the point of Hipster Dufus coming up in my mind and \i'm projecting hate/resentment towards this dude? What's he showing me?

He's showing me, Me!  It's like I see being a Hipster Dufus as something I used to be...and I've judged myself/it as bad/stupid/naive/what the fuck...and at the same time, I recall having lots of fun as a hipster dufus.  It's like the carefree attitude picture presentation and a little bit of attention seeker too...and I've expressed that point too and enjoyed it and I see this dude expressing all these points that i'v expressed and I'm not expressing them right now and wow, it's like i'm pissed at myself...a bit angry for suppressing them and i'm projecting that anger at this dude in pointing the finger at him and calling him a hipster dufus as a negative thing because im angry and have resentment within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto guilt and remorse and shame for having existed as a hipster dufus and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding a grudge against myself for having been a hipster dufus and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding a grudge against this hipster dufus.

I forgive myself for not realising that each being I see is showing me parts of me and the beings I have strongest reactions to are exposing points that are most suppressed within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing the hipster dufus in me and for being upset and angry with myself for holding onto regret as my past acceptances and allowances and for judging hipster dufus with negative energies as emotional inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for associating the hipster dufus with weed smoking and for doubting that I was a hipster dufus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to smoke weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to believe that smoking weed is ok.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that smoking weed is fucked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being angry at myself for having smoked sooo much weed and for fucking with myself for smoking so much weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty that I smoked sooo much weed and for holding a d grudge against myself for the way I behaved.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the goodness weed has been for me and blocking out the fuckedness of abusing weed extensively by having smoked it several times a day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking i'd like to smoke weed again...but I shouldn't.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a big deal about weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate who I am as being dependent upon whether or not I smoke weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abusing marijuana.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for missing being happy all the time as a result of getting stoned/high all the time and I forgive myself for not realising that my happiness was dependent upon getting high all the time and therfore not real...FAKE

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the fact that I'm not happy with anger/irritation within myself and just want to get high to forget about self suppression's so that I can think everything is all gooood , man.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for considering abdicating self responsibility as process of self realisation and just get high...because facing myself with brutal self honesty is brutal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming/projecting blame upon weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger/irritation exposed after realizing that I was smoking weed all the time to be happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining anger as negatively charged and bad/awful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting looking within myself as accepted and allowed anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself as bit of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anger to consume me as emotion.


why am I angry?

self exploitation, self abuse, self sabotage, self delusion

How?

self righteousness personality competition complex

Importance? Winning, being the best....self interest from the perspective of survival as like who cares about the others so long as I win...focus on me at the expense/sacrifice of others loss/being defeated.

I can recall writing , "i'm the best n the world" all over my binders at school.

In grade 6 it was very important to me that I win male athlete of the year. ( There were 2 male athletes of the year winners and a bunch of runners up...each winner was picked from each grade 6 class...there were some better athletes in the other class...better than me...But I was the best in my class...So I won the award...was recognized as male athlete of the year...I was very proud {self righteous} about this and the fact that my name was on a plaque hanging at the front of the school and I liked the fact that people would see my name and know I won male athlete of the year.

What was 1st competitive competition I experienced?

T-ball.  I liked to be the last batter with the pressure on me to hit a grand-slam so that everybody could run home and I could be praised as the hero/winner/savior...and crowd/parents give me a big cheer of recognition of accomplishment and success.

sooo many other sports and games I played I was fiercely competitive about and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

Played put the nose on the clown at third birthday...same premise as pin the tail on the donkey...watched video of this a few years ago and I can recall not winning the game and that I was shocked that I didn't win...like I wasn't even close to getting the nose on the clown...and I remember being so like what,..how could this happen...how could I not do perfect at the game...

smoked weed competitively...would say, 'put me in a weed smoking competition and we'll run out of weed'

Everything I have ever participated in has either been competitively or reluctantly ( just had thought)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking everything I have ever participated in has either been competitively or reluctantly

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing seeing the possibility/fact that everything I've ever participated within has either been competitively or reluctantly.

competitive because I want to participate and reluctantly because I don't want to participate

So, what? "it's all fun and games...everyone is just a participant here" ..."not about winning and losing"

Self support as participant here for fun and games and work to support the maintenance and nourishment of fun and game.

Fun at the expense of loss/another...what the fuck! This equals self delusion, self sabotage, self exploitation and self abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self delusion, self sabotage, self exploitation and self abuse.

I forgive myself for not realising anger within me was linked to self delusion, self sabotage, self exploitation and self abuse as a result of scoring results as a competitive competition personality complex based in self righteousness

I realise anger within me was linked to self delusion, self sabotage, self exploitation and self abuse as a result of scoring results as a competitive competition personality complex based in self righteousness


I realise that each being I see is showing me parts of me and the beings I have strongest reactions to are exposing points that are most suppressed within myself.

When and as I see myself indulging in thought, I stop, I breathe and I look at the point of competitive competition personality complex based in self righteousness and I hold myself still in breath....realise the ridiculousness of accepted and allowed participation... diffuse/release any anger...look at myself from within as the simplicity of oneness and equality as simple life awesomeness...one life here...all as one as equal

Day 45, I am Capable of Planting Very Fast

So, today I was noting how fast others around me were planting and I was planting steady...yet a little slow...slow in the sense that I wasnt planting in one of my top gears...maybe somewhere around 60-75% of max potential

I accepted myself as not wanting to plant faster as a result of some accepted and allowed mindfucking/backchat based on not feeling like it.

I saw dude planting faster than I was accepting and allowing myself to plant...and I would tell myself I'm not competing...no judgement/competition...and it's like as a result, I accepted myself as less than...in that I didn't push myself to my highest gears/greatest potential/capabilities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to push myself to plant at my greatest potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my best efforts because of backchat/feelings of not wanting to push myself as hard as I can.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling guilty for planting at 60-75% of max potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for spiting my best efforts because of fear of losing competition and accepted and allowed self judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as an inferior planter to the dude on my crew.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the dude on my crew going faster than me because of the reasoning...he is in better shape than me.  I forgive myself for creating justification and excuses to avoid seeing self sabotage as self imposed limitation as a result of not wanting to push myself to plant faster and go harder as a result of accepted and allowed emotions as back chat.

I forgive myself for not realising how back chat as emotion and feeling has influenced me extensively in day to day particpations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fo rnot realising that it is ok to plant however fast or slow I want as self expression I am  and that planting faster or slower doesnt make me better or worse and that the point to see and realise here is that today, the speed in which I planted at was dictated through accepted and allowed back chat feeling as not wanting to push myself too hard...I never asked myself why...I just accepted feeling...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing wants or not wanting to be connected to feelings/emotions as energy buzz/buildup.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get possessed by feelings/emotions.

I realise I am capable of planting very fast

I realise planting very fast is who I am as self expression

I realise I like to plant very fast.

I realise I can plant very slow.

I realise I can walk very fast.

I realise I can talk very fast.

I realise I can talk and walk very slow.

I realise I enjoy my movements whether they be very fast or very slow.

I realise I capitalize on money making tree planting by focusing on moving very fast as planting as I am able to.

I realise I enjoyed planting at a steady pace at about60-75% of my max potential.

I realise other planters are point of self reflection as self reflection...me seeing me...example here.

I realise pushing myself to excel at maximum potential is rewarding as self expansion as pushing through resistance.


When and as I see myself dictating performance/how I will work based on mood/feeling/backchat...I stop, I breathe and I see the point of resistance to push through...I persevere by pushing through resistance one breath at a time and realise I am following my life map as perfections and I am well on my journey to becoming life.

Day 44, Living Gratefulness

Day 44, Living Gratefulness

Living gratefulness is practical living in application.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing myself as living gratefulness in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to misplace gratefulness of being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me for taking for granted all that is provided for me as gifts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a sense of entitlement for myself as specialness as better than others and therefore entitled to gifts

I forgive myself for not realising that gratefulness is a living expression as an eternal orgasm as like an eternal flame/fire that is so fucking awesome and cool.

I forgive myself for suppressing the greatness of great-fullness as self fulfillment as amazing excellence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for moving soooooooooooooooo far away from gratefulness in order to realise separation from and as gratefulness.

I forgive myself for not realising the simplicity of gratefulness.

I forgive myself for making gratefulness out to be some form of complicated mental discipline as a form of self hypnosis positive energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for attaching gratefulness to positive energy and in conflict with negative energy.

I forgive myself for not realising gratefulness as oneness and equality as living word/expression one and equal here.

I realise that gratefulness is a living expression as an eternal orgasm as like an eternal flame/fire that is so fucking awesome and cool.

I realise the awesomeness of gratefulness as a living expression that is seemingly beyond any word comprehension.

I realise the simplicity of gratefulness.

I realise gratefulness as oneness and equality as living word/expression one and equal here.

When and as I see myself  suppressing myself as living gratefulness as who I am...I STOP...I BREATHE and I REAL EYES the ridiculousness of suppressing myself as gratefulness in practical living application.  I share my gratitude as a Living expression of who I am as self realisation. I embrace the profound awesomeness and simplicity of gratefulness.

I am Grateful.

I commit myself to walking and understanding the dimensions of Gratefulness

I commit myself as Grateful Gratefulness as filled Greatness

Day 43, Gratitude is a Great Attitude

I had suppressed gratitude for and as tree planting and it was affecting my being here tree planting as lack of appreciation and gratefulness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having suppressed gratitude and gratefulness as tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that suppressing gratitude and gratefulness influences my attitude and self enjoyment as limitless self-expression

I forgive myself for not realising that living gratitude as a great attitude is greatness in practical living application here as living greatness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the suppression of gratefulness as appreciation for the living support tree planting has provided me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for almost throwing away my opportunity to plant trees as a means of financial support/well being because of holding a grudge against tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding a grudge against tree planting as a bieng hard tough brutal labor that I developped spite towards as cruel and unusual punishment.

I forgive myself for not realising the cruel and unusal punishment I have inflicted upon myself as a result of projecting blame/fault and holding a grudge and acting out of spite do to being emotionally charged with anger/irritation/annoyance/frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing spite towards tree planting as cruel and unusual punishmnet and I forgive myself for not realising that I was spiting myself as cruel and unusual punishment as accepted and allowed mind fuckedness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame tree planting and for not realising that I was accepting and allowing blame within myself and projecting fault against tree planting and I was placing myself in conflict with planting trees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a resistance to planting trees.

I forgive myself for not realising I was accepting and allowing a battle/conflict within me in projected outward as separation from tree planting which resulted in suppressing myself as gratitude and gratefulness as tree planter tree planting.

I realise I was accepting and allowing a battle/conflict between me and the act of tree planting as a result of  suppressing myself as gratitude and gratefulness as tree planter tree planting.

I realise that I was spiting myself as cruel and unusual punishment as accepted and allowed mind fuckedness by projecting blame and non appreciation for the work that is providing me financial stability.


I realise he cruel and unusal punishment I have inflicted upon myself as a result of projecting blame/fault and holding a grudge and acting out of spite do to being emotionally charged with anger/irritation/annoyance/frustration.


I realise that living gratitude as a great attitude is greatness in practical living application here as living greatness


I realise that suppressing gratitude and gratefulness influences my attitude and self enjoyment as limitless self-expression


When and as I see myself dwelling, holding a grudge, experiencing resistance to tree planting...I STOP, I BREATHE and I realise myself as gratefulness and gratitude in living appreciation for being here as director of me here

Day 42, Guilt in Making Decisions for Me

Yesterday I had very intense explosive diarrhea and was feeling fatigued...so I decided it was in my best interest to take the day off work to rest. "To take the day off work to rest"...why am I not at rest while working? Is it possible to be working and resting/relaxed/stress free at the same time? I say Yes. How could this be possible? No stress...body relaxation...movement without stress or strain...gratitude/appreciation/grateful/self love/self fulfillment/enjoyment.

Where/Why have I caused myself stress and strain?

-Performance expectations...fear of not achieving performance expectations...using fear as motivation...memories of past achievements

-Thoughts/feelings/emotions not dealt with effectively...dwelling within being here tree planting...feeling committed here...stuck because of decision I made...should make more money for survival/comfort/security...RESISTANCE

-Money

-Competitive Comparisons linked to winning/losing...example is high-baller/low-baller

-Resistance to walking commitments as self trust decision making


Self Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist walking commitments as self trust decision making.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I will face resistance in walking commitments as self trust decision making because I am paving a new road/creating a new way for myself as Life that hasn't been walked/realized before

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dwell within the entirety of my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions when and as I experience resistance in walking self commitment statements as self willed self trust decision making.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place and justify stress and strain upon my body as having expectations for myself as performance expectations such as planting sooo many tress or I will experience fear of loss/losing/defeat as experience of inferiority and less than.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging the # of trees I plant in a day as either positive feelings or negative emotions which results in me being a winner as a high baller or a loser as a low baller.

I forgive myself for not realising the stress and strain I cause myself as feelings/emotions as either winning or losing at work and the fear motivator based on either desire to winning as security mechanism to prevent losing and invoke winning because i've accepted and allowed the fear of loss within myself to seem unbearable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of loss and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself in between winner and and loser as constant struggle/battle for survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to react to the above self forgiveness as like fuck...holy shit...I want to erase it...Really?! As if I am accepting and allowing myself to place myself in polarity position/manifestation as wither winner or loser as a constant struggle/battle for survival.

I forgive myself for not realising that I have suppressed practical living here as a result of accepting and allowing polarity manifestations of winning/losing to be governed as/by fear as accepted and allowed relationship motivator.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience guilt in sharing decisions...I forgive myself for not realising that guilt exposes lack of self trust as self commitment as self willed decision making as self doubt and therefore accepting and allowing self to be influenced by emotions as a result of not standing 100% clear in decision making

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my decision making abilities as self willed self trust as self honesty in and as self expression as self commitment to living as best interests of and as all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be guilty as a result of holding onto thoughts/feelings/emotions and I forgive myself for not realising I am guilty and will experience guilt if I do not release myself from thoughts/feelings/emotions in every moment I experience them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to punish myself with guilt by holding onto thoughts/feelings/emotions and participating within them without releasing them with self forgiveness and therefore re scripting myself and changing my accepted and allowed nature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to experience of guilt as feeling bad...dwelling within thoughts/feelings/emotions as guilt/remorse/trap/stuckness...and I forgive myself for not realising that with my accepted and allowed participation in guilt, I created self imprisonment as guilt/remorse/trap/stuckness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating work as competition/competitive environment that I am in that invokes fear/stress/strain/trap/stuckness/survival/money/winning/losing/competitive comparisons as either winner of loser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stress about work.


I realise guilt is a self induced as a result of having thoughts/feelings/emotions about a particular situation where self-judgement has been induced as a result of self doubt because of lack of self trust and self willed commitment


I realise guilt is a result of indecisiveness and is a self inflicted punishment that persists as a result of resisting self forgiveness because emotional reaction as feeling bad is justified and perpetuated with thougts/emotions and participation within as reaction perpetuates fuckedness.


I realise the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing guilt as like kicking your own ass with internal zapping/shock as self justfied harm/abuse/mutilation at the expense/extent of the guilt experienced...which is absurd ridiculousness to justify harm/abuse/mutilation.


I realise I will obviously face resistance in walking commitments as self trust decsion making because I am paving a new way for myself as life that hasn't been walked before and realised by Me as Life

I realise I am guilty and will experience guilt if I do not release myself from thoughts/feelings/emotions in every moment I experience them.

I realise that with my accepted and allowed participation in guilt, I created self imprisonment as guilt/remorse/trap/stuckness

I realise that guilt exposes lack of self trust as self commitment as self willed decision making as self doubt and therefore accepting and allowing self to be influenced by emotions as a result of not standing 100% clear in decision making

I realise that I have suppressed practical living here as a result of accepting and allowing polarity manifestations of winning/losing to be governed as/by fear as accepted and allowed relationship motivator.

I realise the stress and strain I cause myself as feelings/emotions as either winning or losing at work and the fear motivator based on either desire to winning as security mechanism to prevent losing and invoke winning because i've accepted and allowed the fear of loss within myself to seem unbearable.

I realise that I will face resistance in walking commitments as self trust decision making because I am paving a new road/creating a new way for myself as Life that hasn't been walked/realized before.

When and as I see myself experiencing guilt, I Stop, I breathe and I realise guilt is an indicator of accepted and allowed self dishonesty and indecisiveness in decision making and therefore I check myself with brutal self honesty and alleviate self dishonesty as catching myself as avoiding a near fuckup.

Day 41, Explosive Diarrhea

Day 41, Explosive Diarrhea

So I’ve been experiencing explosive Diarrhea in tree planting camp...and today was the most intense it’s been.

I asked myself why so much formless shit? I wondered am I not processing shit effectively...like knowledge and information...Is this a backlog effect of sooo much compounded and suppressed emotional shit...like I’ve been just denying my feelings/emotions...yet they’re  there...I see the point of brutal self honesty as not denying feelings/emotions...it’s like I’ve realised the point of fuckedness as feelings/emotions...and I’ve tried to avoid participating in them...yet it seems like at moments I’ve had reactions to thoughts/feelings/emotions...and because I see this as fucked...I’ve attempted to deflect/deny/suppress them by ignoring them.

What points keep reoccurring?

-trapped in relationship

-movement/living limited because trapped by commitment I made to be in relationship

-Thoughts just living for me...like skiing/snowboarding...travelling doing stand up comedy

-Money, Grudge...linked to girlfriend...excuses/justifications/denial/blame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel and experience restraint/be restrained/trapped in relationship.

I forgive myself for not realising I created self imposed restraint/trap upon myself and therefore I know how to release myself from restraint/traps because I created restraint/traps...and therefore I cannot whine or complain and make excuses that I am stuck or bound or trapped...

I forgive myself for not realising that I’ve felt limited in movement and expression because of the relationship Ive accepted and allowed within myself as mind participations and that It is my responsibility to stand as self as self agreement within myself as equality and oneness and thus transcend relationship within myself as polarity conflict friction as accepted and allowed judgement/fear/self compromise/self imposed limitation/blindness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being stressed and emotionally distraught because of beliefs that I am trapped and stuck within the desire to escape my relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to escape, run and hide from and as my relationship with myself and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting facing my accepted and allowed relationship within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress/deny/deflect thoughts/feelings/emotions from within myself from the starting point of fear of being brutally self-honest with myself by allowing myself to see with real eyes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within denial/suppression/justifications/excuses/blame as reasoning for being scared to see with real eyes as self realisation in and as every moment here.

I forgive myself for not realising how I self compromised myself by placing myself under self imposed restraints...I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto a grudge against myself and projecting my grudge as being against my girlfriend as a point of blame/justification/deflection/denial/suppression/excuse as reasoning for self imposed limitation as suppression and fear of facing the totality of thoughts/feelings/emotions

I forgive myself for not realising how lame I’ve been in denial as accepted and allowed suppressions and for not realising in totality that I am the key of me as my key always to opening up and realising awesomeness as real living here in the physical and that I do not require to escape /sneak around because I hold the key to opening up and accessing everything as the living realisation I am everything and nothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing commitments I make to be viewed as self imposed traps/limitations of self suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for treating self honesty and self trust...self expression as like a trap...limiting self deception as self dishonesty

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel less trapped when I believe I have the decision to chose between  self-honesty and self dis-honesty

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self-honesty to be a choice.  Self honesty is who I am becoming...I am in process of facing self-dishonesty/self deception

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for worrying about self honesty as self commitment...and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being frustrated with fear as thoughts/feelings/emotions/judgements in being self honest with myself in every moment

I forgive myself for not realising the ridiculousness of trying to cope and be cool with fear/thoughts/feelings/emotions within myself

I forgive myself for suppressing fear/thoughts/feelings/emotions as trying to cope and present coolness to others.

I forgive myself for not realising the self imposed self dishonesty in trying to cope and present coolness to others.

I forgive myself for not realising that I do not require trying and presenting coolness to others because coolness is who I am as brutal self honesty.  Brutal self honesty is cool.

I forgive myself for suppressing fear/thoughts/feelings/emotions within myself and invoke fear of loss within myself and desire to win as obtaining lots of money.

I forgive myself for not realising money as a tool of support.

I forgive myself for not considering the process/work involved in order to enable myself to have free time to ski and do contracted stand up comedy and travel and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the work involved that will enable me to have free time ski and do stand up comedy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that I am carving my own fresh tracks as creating a path for myself that will enable me to have free time to ski and do stand up comedy and that I forgive myself for forgetting about the process I am walking to enable myself to reap the rewards/benefits as result of carving my own path.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be competitive about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear to exist within my relationship to agreement with money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for coping with money earned.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be scared to live as a result of losing money and going broke and being stuck, broke.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I could be stuck, broke with no way out.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be stuck, broke, with no way out.

I forgive myself for not realising the power of ‘will’ in that, ‘if there is a will there is a way.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear walking my ‘will’ as the way that is best for everyone/life as everyone/life as living example of and as willing the way day by day breath by breath.

Self realisations:

Note self realisations within self forgiveness statements that begin, ‘I forgive myself for not realising...’ emphasis on for not realising...as point is realised within specific self forgiveness applications.

I realise process is a bit by bit accumulation as 1 plus 1 plus 1 until everyone is accounted for

I realise the ridiculousness of holding back my shit as thoughts/feelings/emotions because of fear of exposure and releasing shit...I realise the consequences of holding onto shit...as like a grudge and explosive diarrhea and self suppression/self compromise as fucking fatigue/tiredness/exhaustion/laziness and brutalness in hiding as the fear of sharing and practical living  as farming my shit as self realisation examples/jokes/teaching as substance that can be taken  and applied as practical beneficial support to enhance performance growth and well being as absolute awesomeness

I commit myself to farming my shit with laughter by always exposing accepted and allowed ridiculousness

When and as I see myself I’ve had reaction as thought/feeling/emotions as some shit that has come up within myself...I stop, I breathe and I farm my shit as self forgiveness release as I face thoughts/feelings/emotions as ridiculousness

When and as I see myself stressing about relationships, I stop, I breathe and realise the point is me here and what I am accepting and allowing within myself is exposing accepted and allowed ridiculousness as mind fucking and that I am in the process of creating an absolute agreement with myself as creator of my world from the starting point of oneness and equality