Day 39, walking the Grid

 

Day 39, Walking the Grid

So today on my day off from tree planting in the town of Prince George I usually do a bit of walking around and I have had a tendency to cut corners everywhere like...cut through this parking lot or cut across the middle of streets or cut through this plaza...basically a whole bunch of zigging and zagging because I perceive it to be the shortest distance and I will save myself a few seconds by taking all these zigs and zags as opposed to walking systematically like on the grid of follow the side walk to the traffic light and cross at the traffic light and continue in direction until reach final destination.

Anyways, today I said to George, the dude I was walking with...’I think this is the first time I ever just walked the grid and didn’t try to blaze my own trail and that it was kind of nice...it’s like I wasn’t constantly thinking about trying to win by saving a second here or there or putting myself in increased danger by cutting across an intersection here or there...it’s like I experienced less stress just by following the yellow brick road so to speak as the sidewalks that have been specifically placed for me to use.

In looking what I have written so far...I see the point of competition linked to cutting corners for the desire to get ahead and win and be faster/better/quicker/stronger/smarter...etc...etc

I notice also this connects to the relationship I had developed as tree planter tree planting and being a winner a high baller as one who always performs better than others by planting more trees and making more money than others.  It’s like a feeling of excitement and a rush of intensity I get for participating in competition from the starting point of trying to win and desire to win.  When I let go of the trying to win and realise I have already one I mean won as one here who realises that I am here I am relaxed without any big energy surges...which keeps me calm and balances as stability.  It’s interesting because I’m seeing how for my whole life I have operated from a starting point of false sense of stability as energy fluctuations as feelings/emotions as energy highs and lows and balancing...always creating another point of intensity/stimulation/rush/excitement/adrenalin/superiority/winning/validation as like a drug addict chasing after the next high as come down comes on and therefore the hunt is on as the time is now to score the next fixing as energy quenching high/rush/intensity/craving/want/need/desire/support/suppression/come on/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always trying to win and do whatever means possible so that I can experience the energy surge reward as compounded buildup within myself as winning as the reward for build up feelings/emotions within myself as a result of following through trains of thoughts to the finish line/train station that I am the conductor of and therefore always win upon following out the train of thought because I have given myself away to being pre occupied and possessed by the thought within my head and therefore submitted my body to my mind as a result of riding out trains of thoughts

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always trying to get an edge on so called competition as everyone here.  I forgive myself for not realising that I am here as everyone as the same image and likeness as the same substance and therefore I’ve been cutting myself so to speak by competing with myself and I forgive myself for not realising that shortcuts result in cutting yourself as possible harm that results and misfortune like stress that happens as a result of the cut/detour.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for rushing myself in being here in daily participations and I forgive myself for not realising that neglect and carelessness result from rushing about and trying to win and therefore it is important to slow down in order to go faster as mistakes/misfortune/stress is prevented by moving slowly and taking time as self directed movement as haste is prevented and specificity is guaranteed as great attention to detail as self realisation as knowledge into practical living application as who I am.

I forgive myself for not realising how I accepted and allowed a false sense of stability within myself as a result of accepting and allowing myself to operate from the starting point of being directed by thoughts/feelings/emotions as an energy buzz and my daily doings/happenings being entirely dependent upon the mood I am in as self induced/inflicted energy buzz as a result of allowing a polarity spectrum buffet of emotions and feelings within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body by putting stress upon myself by operating from the starting point of a false sense of stability as energy fluctuation as trying to maintain the high or the energetic desired buzz and I forgive myself for not realising how I would always be looking to fulfill my self induced energy buzz like a junkie looking to score there next fixing

I forgive myself for not realising that I have created the train rides of thought for me to take and ride as trips so to speak that result in so called rewards as energy buzz and I forgive myself for not considering/realising the consequence of so called rewards for following trains of thoughts as trips as physical body submission for mind delusion of grandeur.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting taking my time as the patience required in reaching final destination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always trying to get there and not realising that here is in there as the tee I mean t is like a cross like a cross road for here and that everywhere and everyone is here and were all actually here yet we’ve deluded ourselves in la la land of the mind thinking we got to get somewhere when in actuality where is in here as here is in where as to the centre center of ourselves as the whole universe equal and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always wanting the race to be over...yet I am constantly trying to finish the race and therefore I forgive myself for not realising that I can end the race with breath as death and therefore I can start the race again with breath as a participant in and as life and death as a member of the human race as director/creator of stopping/starting with breath and that life and death is both the beginning and the end as origin starting point of creation as equality and oneness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using money as an indicator of how well I am scoring in life as a winner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting copious amounts of money and the self responsibility that comes with managing copious amounts of money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting walking and amalgamating with and as the systems that are here equal and one and therefore walk with the systems that are here in order to change the systems and infrastructures that exist as the pillars of society in order to change society to a simplified version of awesomeness as playground planet earth as a nest of support and nourishment as living self realisation oneness and equality always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been addicted to energy fluctuations as a false sense of stability that I perceived to be legit and valid.

I forgive myself for not realising how I have fucked with myself in being a follower to thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I realise shortcuts result in cutting yourself as possible harm that results and misfortune like stress that happens as a result of the cut/detour.

I realise that I am here as everyone as the same image and likeness as the same substance and therefore I’ve been cutting myself so to speak by competing with myself

I realise neglect and carelessness result from rushing about and trying to win and therefore it is important to slow down in order to go faster as mistakes/misfortune/stress is prevented by moving slowly and taking time as self directed movement as haste is prevented and specificity is guaranteed as great attention to detail as self realisation as knowledge into practical living application as who I am.

I realise I accepted and allowed a false sense of stability within myself as a result of accepting and allowing myself to operate from the starting point of being directed by thoughts/feelings/emotions as an energy buzz and my daily doings/happenings being entirely dependent upon the mood I am in as self induced/inflicted energy buzz as a result of allowing a polarity spectrum buffet of emotions and feelings within myself.

I realise I have created the train rides of thought for me to take and ride as trips so to speak that result in so called rewards as the manifested consequence for following trains of thoughts as trips as physical body submission for mind delusion of grandeur.

I realise here is in there as the tee I mean t is like a cross like a cross road for here and that everywhere and everyone is here and were all actually here yet we’ve deluded ourselves in la la land of the mind thinking we got to get somewhere when in actuality where is in here as here is in where as to the centre center of ourselves as the whole universe equal and one.

I realise that I can end the race with breath as death and therefore I can start the race again with breath as a participant in and as life and death as a member of the human race as director/creator of stopping/starting with breath and that life and death is both the beginning and the end as origin starting point of creation as equality and oneness

I realise how I have fucked with myself in being a follower to thoughts/feelings/emotions.

When and as I see myself resisting what is here and trying to beat and compete against what is here, I stop. I breathe and I realise the rhyme of beat and compete as the feat like beating the meat as like a form of mental masturbation which produces absurd ridiculousness based on participating within maintaining an energetic buzz of tripping as following thoughts/feelings/emotions...and oh ya...beating the meat is like kicking the shit out of the physical as the meat that has been pummelled as electro shock radiation as a result of tripping by following/reacting to thoughts/feelings/emotions. I realise I am in the process of disengaging electro shock radiation as self induced beating the meat as following thoughts/feelings/emotions as the false sense of stability as director of me and that patience and self forgiveness are great tools of support in walking self correction as self perfection here in becoming a text book example of equality and oneness programming simplicity and efficiency for fun and practical living for real fucking awesomeness as ohhh fuck yaaaaaaa like fucking ohh ya as the self realisation as an eternal orgasm as life substance/sustenance that cannot be depleted.

I commit myself to walking with and as the systems that are here to program and assist and support in facilitating awesomeness and excellence in all ways that I am capable