important shit

Saturday, 23 June 2012

Day 47, Performance and Audience


Performance and audience


So, soooo

I’m always performing here and the audience is always me...it’s funny to realise this because so much i had been wanting and desiring to perform in front of a desired crowd to listen to me share...and it’s kind of ha-ha a ha because I was holding back from giving a full performance as me as sharing and self expressions... because of the environment I was in...like for example with my co-worker and friends...like I thought it would be better and easier to share with strangers...and it’s like in my mind I had a preference to do so that way...and today I was like what the fuck..I was having thoughts about this...and  I realised the point of fear of sharing me unconditionally...without judgement...like to express me without compromise and to express me because who I am is orgasmic self expression...and therefore I erupt so to speak and yes man I see the point of ridiculousness in allowing fear to influence self expression as a limiting debilitator...and I even experienced a little bit of it this evening when I went out to the dance club to dance as there was some resistance within myself to letting totally loose and doing  my thang on the dance floor...it’s like I had a little bit of hesitation within myself...like doubting my confidence and self trust and really just a mind fuck because I know I am capable.  Also I pointed the finger at my girlfriend and her friend for their hesitance and resistance within letting loose and dancing...which is brutal because I blamed them to avoid seeing myself delusion as the point of self reflection/realisation.

Then I saw some fancy fine foot work on the dance floor and I recognized the awesomeness in it as one and equal as I am and it was a cool point of support and I stood as the expression of fine fancy foot work for a moment and made up my own moves of fine fancy foot work and it was so much fun and was like the most effortless flow as like weightless water

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to share my performance as me as self expression example

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to share stand-up comedy with strangers and not give a shit about sharing with those in my immediate environment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing stand-up comedy with those in my immediate environment.

I forgive myself for having a little bit of hesitation within myself about letting loose on the dance floor.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to point the finger as a way to of avoiding looking at self accepted and allowed self delusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having compromised performance/self expression with accepted and allowed self judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating thoughts about the audience as people around me in my environment as accepted and allowed judgments about their perception.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pointing the finger at my girlfriend and her friend as being ridiculous on the dance floor because of their hesitation and resistance within themselves and I forgive myself for not realising that I was pointing the finger because I was irritated and annoyed with my own hesitance and accepted and allowed resistance on the dance floor and my defense mechanism within myself were so on guard to prevent me from recognizing my own accepted and allowed self sabotage/self suppression

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my girlfriend

I forgive myself for not realising the vast amount of assistance and support my girlfriend has provided me as a mirror of self reflection in studying reactions within daily participations.

I realise the vast amount of assistance and support my girlfriend has provided me as a mirror of self reflection in studying reactions within daily participations.

I realise that I was pointing the finger because I was irritated and annoyed with my own hesitance and accepted and allowed resistance on the dance floor and my defense mechanism within myself were so on guard to prevent me from recognizing my own accepted and allowed self sabotage/self suppression


I realise self expression is flawless without fear/judgement

When and as I see myself resisting to share self expression...I know this a point for me to push through and not give in to resistance because I am capable of pushing through resistance with and as self expression and therefore I birth myself as life with and as self expression in the moment as who I am here in the moment as oneness and equality.

I commit myself to sharing my best performance always as sound self expression as eternal orgasm 

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