Day 33, Fear of Regret

Day 33, Fear of Regret

Ok, so I’ve experienced regret within past relationships and I noticed this evening that I fear experiencing regret again...and I am experiencing like a constant regret as a result for accepting and allowing regret.

In my current relationship with my girlfriend...since the very beginning of our relationship I vowed never to end the relationship because I had regrets in the past about ending relationships with girlfriends...and it’s like I feared making a fuck up again...like fear of experiencing regret and so there’s been many instances where I am like this relationship is not going to last or I tell myself that this relationship has to last forever or I’m fucked...like if I don’t commit to this relationship then I am letting myself down.

Within reading the above paragraphs I see the fear of loss

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to lose a girlfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking about spiting myself and breaking up up with my girlfriend to protect myself from fear of loss because if I just breakup with my girlfriend then I will not unexpectedly lose her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that things would be easier if I didn’t have a girlfriend.

I forgive myself for not considering that a relationship into an agreement as self commitment is and requires work and isn’t always easy so to speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having commitment issues because of the fear of loss and the fear of regret.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to walk self commitment with my girlfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging my girlfriend like I’m in a competition and to consider that maybe my girlfriend isn’t the best competitor to be in a completion with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making my life like a completion where I experience regret when I lose because I don’t like to lose and every time I lose there’s regret.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing regret.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I must commit to this relationship forever or I will experience eternal regret.

I forgive myself for not realising that I have created a mind fuck within this current relationship that I am in based on accepting and allowing the fear of regret.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am stuck within this relationship and that I am damned if I end it and I am damned if I stay within it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto regret.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the ridiculousness of fear of regret as like making myself like a fragile statue that will fall apart if there is any movement/self direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing making the wrong decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to make the right decision.  I forgive myself for not realising that fear of making wrong decisions and desire to make the right decisions exposes the point that I’ve made many wrong decisions based upon self dishonesty and the desire to make the right decision.

I forgive myself for not realising the point of self doubt within myself connected to the fear of loss and by me not wanting to lose and therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging my relationship with my girlfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being competitive about my relationship with my girlfriend and consider the thoughts that if I was with another girl perhaps I would be more winning so to speak.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always trying to win and I forgive myself for accepting myself as always at a loss and therefore I am always striving to be the winner.

I realise that I no longer have to carry regret around with me or fearing to experience regret again because that is ridiculously absurd and that I forgive myself for allowing myself to hold onto experiences of regret.

I realise that the relationship/agreement that I am in with my girlfriend is cool support that supports me in letting go of mind consciousness systems.

I realise that by being in a relationship/agreement I am faced with all the shit I have accepted and allowed within myself and therefore relationship/agreement in work and that I am in the process of building a sound foundation as equality and oneness.

I realise that judging my girlfriend is ridiculous as she, like everyone else is in their individual process of self realisation.

I realise that placing myself in constant completion as my beingness is ridiculously absurd and exhausting.

I realise I win by allowing self-fulfilment by letting go of trying to win and competing with myself by always thirsting for more and never being satisfied or self fulfilled because of the desire for more winning

I realise that I created a mindfuck within my current relationship with my girlfriend by holding onto the point of fear of regret, fear of loss and completion.

I realise that I can’t lose and I’ve already won by committing to myself as process of self realisation as oneness and equality here.

I realise that fear of making wrong decisions and desire to make the right decisions exposes the point that I’ve made many wrong decisions based upon self dishonesty and the desire to make the right decision.

I realise I accepted and allowed self sabotage within myself by allowing the point of self doubt within myself connected to the fear of loss.

When and as I see myself participating in my mind as thoughts about my relationship with my girlfriend based in judgement/completion/fear of loss/regret, -I stop, I breathe and realise the ridiculousness and absurdity of self doubt within going down the rabbit hole by boarding a train of though and feeding the train fuel by participating within thoughts by reacting to thoughts with feelings and emotions.

Note: this writing here today assisted and supported me in seeing another point that I did not realise and that is the extent to which the point of competition has influenced and consumed my conscious mind.   Competition seems like the main point within my conscious mind that consumes me...more writing is required on the point of competition...so I am taking this moment to make note and point out competition to continue with my writing about...so tune in next time as I face the point of competition as a primary point that has consumed my mind.