Day 28, Bullying and Name Calling

 

Day 28, Bullying and Name Calling

OK, so a situation developed in my tree planting camp where this girl started calling me Debbie Downer...she says I’m always so negative...and that is what my new name is...at first I just kinda laughed because I use to say that to people.  This girl has persisted in making a point of calling me Debbie every time she sees me. I asked myself what this girl is showing me. The point came up that I passively accepted and allowed myself to be called Debbie Downer by laughing at the girl when she called me it.  I didn’t realise at the time that this girl wasn’t joking around and it seems as though she’s been trying to bully me by calling me Debbie Downer...or just Debbie...it’s like I can tell by her tonality...this reveals to me the point where I have teased beings in the past and taunted people and called names...yes I’ve been a bully at times.

At the end of the day of work this girl started chirping me and calling me Debbie and blaming me for stupid shit. I was pretty exhausted from working so hard all day and I just told this girl to fuck off.  I said, ‘I didn’t agree to being called Debbie or Debbie Downer and I don’t want you to call me that anymore.  She said, “Too bad...that’s what I’m going to call you.”  I then said, “ok, l’m going to think of a nasty name to call you...actually no I’m not...because that’s not how I’d like to be treated and therefore that’s abusive to life.  Don’t call me that anymore or I’m going to report you for sexual harassment.”  I thought saying sexual harassment was funny and would get her attention because sexual harassment is taken very seriously in the work place and she’s a female and I’m a male and she’s calling me a female name...and ya I guess I didn’t really think too much about what I said...I just said it...and she hasn’t called me Debbie or Debbie Downer since. 

In the truck ride home I noticed that she would look at me several times...like she was waiting for me to say something.

Upon looking at these circumstances and prior interactions with this girl, I think this girl really likes me...like she is doing shit to get my attention...like its real childish...like it seems like her guard is up and existing through the mind as ego is blocking herself expression.

Ok, looking at the above sentence, I see that I really like this girl and my ego has blocked myself expression.  I say this to bring the point back to myself...and see that what I judge about another is what I am accepting and allowing within myself.

It’s like initially I got really angry and annoyed with this girl and didn’t want to talk...I became very quiet...in the first few days of meeting this girl I talked to her a lot...I enjoyed conversing with her...I like to share words as support.

This girl has also revealed to me the point of me accepting and allowing verbal abuse by being passive about it and just ignoring it...thinking that it will just go away...like I don’t want to confront and direct the situation.

There has been a few instances in my life where I was chirped or made fun of and harassed and I just kind of coped with the situation...like trying to ignore it and just kind of hoped the being(s) would stop.

I can recall one particular being that I allowed to bully me within middle school and it continued into high school until I had enough of being ‘Mr. nice guy’  and I pushed and punched the being back and started fucking with the being until he got the message that there would be consequences for pushing me around.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the words, Debbie Downer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the words Debbie Downer to be a negative charge and undesirable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing negativity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and pretending to be a Mr nice guy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that because I am a Mr. nice guy, I will put up with bullshit because I believe that is what a nice guy will do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for censoring myself as a result of accepting and allowing a Mr. nice guy construct.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the definition of me as whom I am as a Mr. Nice guy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put up with abusive behaviour.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be verbally abused by another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hoping that the being would just stop verbally abusing me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing verbal abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing conflict in facing abusive beings.

I forgive myself for not realising that as I face my accepted and allowed abuse, it is easy to face other abusive beings because I can direct the situation as I direct myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to direct myself in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be bullied.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that bullying just happens and that the best thing to do is to just try and cope with the abuse by ignoring it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for coping with abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to communicate with the girl I told to fuck off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abusing beings by callings names as a shut down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for teasing and making fun of other beings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting a rise in energy out of belittling another human being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting angry/frustrated/irritated/annoyed with this girl who has assisted and supported me in seeing points within myself that I had suppressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking the words spoken by beings personally as a personal attack.

I forgive myself for not realising that words spoken to me reflect the nature of acceptance and allowances within beings and therefore it is best not to take offence to beings words as they are speaking the words about themself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting in defence to this girls perceived offence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing defensive communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing offensive communication.

I forgive myself for not realising how I have accepted and allowed my communication as living words to be at war as either on the offensive side or the defensive side.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive spoken words as offensive or defensive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a war of words to exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having suppressed myself within and as ego and limited myself expression as a result of egoic reaction of friction.

I forgive myself for not realising the simplicity of communication as a sharing and exchange self expression as support based on self realisation as equality and oneness as the law of being.

I forgive myself for not realising that by dismissing beings I am dismissing myself and that therefore I am required to be patient and play full in all ways all the time as a point of self stability as assistance and support as a pillar of awesomeness.

I realise that by dismissing beings I am dismissing myself and that therefore I am required to be patient and play full in all ways all times as a point of self stability as assistance and support as a pillar of awesomeness.

I realise the simplicity of communication as a sharing and exchange self expression as support based on self realisation as equality and oneness as the law of being

I realise simplicity of communication as a sharing and exchange self expression as support based on self realisation as equality and oneness as the law of being.

I realise how I have accepted and allowed my communication as living words to be at war as either on the offensive side or the defensive side.

I realise that words spoken to me reflect the nature of acceptance and allowances within beings and therefore it is best not to take offence to beings words as they are speaking the words about themself.

I realise that as I face my accepted and allowed abuse, it is easy to face other abusive beings because I can direct the situation as I direct myself.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing verbal abuse, I stop, I breathe and I take self responsibility for the verbal abuse by exposing it and making it known that it is unacceptable and there for I direct the situation to the best of my abilities as what is best for life.

When and as I see myself reacting to communication  as offensive or defensive, I stop, I breathe and I ask myself, ‘what is being shown to me here as practical assistance and support to assist and support me in facilitating a self realisation.?’

When and as I see myself fearing to stand up from within and as accepted and allowed abuse, I stop, I breathe and I say till here no further as I realise abuse is fuckedness and abuse as fuckedness is unacceptable...and therefore I stand up in the moment and face myself as abuse and release myself from accepted and allowed abuse as a director/creator of reality.

I commit myself to sharing self realisations about abuse and the fuckedness of abuse.

I commit myself to facing conflict and confrontation as manifested external support to facilitate internal cleansing as equality and oneness as the purification of being harmonious constant consistent life joy as gratefulness for receiving the gift of life.

I commit myself to exposing and stopping all forms of bullying.

I commit myself to using metaphors in illustrating points of practical common sense where practical common sense has been suppressed.

I commit myself to sharing practical common sense in all ways.

note: I am posting this blog several days after writing it in the tree planting bush camp. My relationship with the being has changed completely. She calls me Michael and her attitude about me seems to have shifted entirely. She's told me that she has never met anyone like me who shares so openly