Day 16, Gratefulness for Food Suppressed with Thoughts

So, I ate dinner with my folks tonight and when I sat down to dinner I accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by a thought I had. The thought was, "I'm not going to engage my parents in conversation."  I noticed at the end of dinner that my ability to express gratitude for the warm cooked meal was suppressed because of my acceptance and allowance of the thought and that I had suppressed myself in particpating at the dinner table with my parents because I accepted the thought that I wasnt going to engage my parents. It's like I remained focused on not engaging my parents and just burried my head in my food and wolfed it down and gave a few one word responses to my parents from the starting point of annoyance with them.  I realised I suppressed myself as living gratefulness as life support by acting out the script/play of a thought and the influence/consequence that it had on my self expression during dinner with my folks.

I forgive myself for not realising that if I don't immediatley delete and let a thought go and apply self forgiveness in the moment a thought comes up where I have feelings/emotions attached to the thought, I will be possesed and consumed by that thought as the manifested consequences of accepting and allowing that thought within myself to exist until I face the point with self correction and that my ability to express myself as life joy will be hindered as accepted and allowed self suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hindering my self expression as life joy by accepting and allowing myself to allow thoughts/feelings/emotions within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging my parents as less than me and that I am therefore more than my parents as a point of superior and because they are less than me I will not speak to them untill they prove themself worthy to me and judge them to be on the same level as me as equality.

I forgive myself for not realising that I was accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself by judging my parents as less than me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto emotions towards my parents as retribution and vengence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not expressing appreciation and gratefullness and gratitude for the dinner that was prepared for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing gratefullness and appreciation and gratitude for the food that provided my body with life sustenance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being a nasty fucker by accepting nd allowing myself to follow out the script of a thought as a play that I will play out based on me accepting and allowing the plat/thought as accepted and allowed separation influced by mind emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the importance of moment to moment management as breath to give myself the oppurtunity to correct the fuckedness of my mind.

I forgive myself for not realising that it is in no way acceptable for me to allow myself to be influenced by my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions some of the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the allowance of my thought based on past memories of talking to my parents as that they dont really give a shit as to what I have to say anyways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mysel for suppressing myself expression towards my parents to avoid possible conflict that may result based on accepting and allowing myself to consider memories of the past in making my decision.

I forgive myself for not realising in the moment the thought appeared in my mind that the strating point of the thought was based in and as fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being influenced by fear of expressing myself because of the possible conflict that may arise out of me expressing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing abuse to exist in reality by accepting and allowing thoughts/feelings/emotions to exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to handle conflict with great ease.

I forgive myself for not realising that I am capable and able of handling conflict with great care and ease.

I realise I am capable and able of handling conflict with great care and ease.

I realise that the thought of, "i'm not going to engage my parents at dinner' was based in and as fear.

I realise the the manifested consequence as self suppression by allowing and accepting myself to playout thoughts without any self direction.

I realise the importance of moment to moment management as breath to give myself the oppurtunity to correct the fuckedness of my mind.

I realise I was accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself by judging my parents as less than me.

I realise that accepting and allowing thoughts in my mind about others and how I should treat and behave around others is resulting in me accepting and allowing abuse to exist as our shared reality.

I realise that accepting and allowing thoughts/feelings/emotions exposes conflict within myself.

I realise that I am able to eradicate conflict within myself by facing all thought, feelings and emotions within myself.

I realise my application of deletion of thoughts/feelings/emotions and self correction is on a moment by moment basis and hereness in breath is my point of stability as self trust in slowing myself down in stopping the mind.

I realise in standing as self trust as breath I embrace the moment as the unknown as I do not require memories to assist and support me in applying common sense in the moment as I stand as self trust and gift myself as life as joyfull self fulliment as self expression here as what is best for life in all ways.

I commit myself to moment by moment application in developing my self trust as consistency within and as breathing.

I commit myself to letting go of thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I commit myself to self expression as life joy free.

I commit myself to living gratefullness as the gift of life.

I commit myself to standing as a living example as practical living as what is best for all life.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing a thought as a script that I will act out, I stop, I breathe and I pause between the in and the breath and I apply brutal self honesty in asking myself what I am accepting and allowing myself to particpate in and as and than I face the self correction as my mind delusion and I allow myself to see the humour in the ridiculousness of mind participations as I provide myself with some comic relief as I relieve myself from the restraints of my mind.