Day 30, Future Projections

 

Day 30, Future Projections

So, I noticed that I’ve had a tendency to think about the future. Like I think of situations in which I am speaking about points or telling jokes...like in the future I am a famous stand up comedian and I’m parlaying all the rantings and ravings that are going on in my head.  My ranting and raving usually starts after I get annoyed and irritated about something and then a I connect a bunch of things to the point and I go on a tangent in my mind.

For example, today while tree planting, I was given some really gnarly land to plant for a very low price. Gnarly land generally is a very high tree price because the difficulty and danger factor is much greater than on typical low tree price land.

So, I was like wow, this is so fucked...I already yesterday didn’t think the tree price could get any shittier...And ha-ha looky here a shity tree price than the day before.

Ok, the point of my sharing here is not to bitch of about how much I got payed for planting trees..it is to outline how this reaction as irritation/frusta ration was connected to so many other things that I ranted and raved about in my head for a lil bit today.

I was thinking about jobs and money and how it’s ridiculous that there is a huge divide between the highest daily earnings and the lowest daily earnings.  It’s ridiculous because we are both here.

Ok, looking into my day and the inner dialogue I had, It seems as though I was complaining a bit and I was my own audience and that I projected me having a future audience of people to listen to me complain and point out the obvious fuckedness.  It’s like I was complaining a lil bit because my starting point was based from a reaction as irritated/frustration/anger/annoyance/pissed off.

So, What the fuck...It’s like I create future projections of ranting and raving about fuckedness as an internationally recognized stand up comedian who just tells it like it is...and  I just do this in my mind when I have a reaction as like a coping mechanism with the  reaction as like how I’m going to take care of the situation...which is fucked because it’s like procrastinating in a sense because I could just forgive myself in the moment for the reaction and look at the point of separation that occurred within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating future projections in my mind when I have a reaction that pisses me off/irritates/frustrates/annoys/angers me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for coping with reactions within myself by creating future projections within my mind about how I will complain about the point that bothered me and how the audience will feel me and be sympathetic to the fuckedness I’m sharing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to be an internationally famous stand up comedian for complaining about shit that pisses me off and irritates me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for self pitying myself by creating future projections within my mind where I complain about points that irritate//frustrate/annoy/piss me off/anger  me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting an audience of people to listen to me whine and complain about shit and agree with my whining and complaining as a form of coddling me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how fucked it is to create future projections in my mind from a starting point of instability as a result of an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to be validated for complaining and whining.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that I was coping with emotional reactions by creating a future projection mind scenario in my head where I am the hero as the guy who points out the obvious common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to be pampered to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating future projections.

I forgive myself for not realising the starting point of me creating future projections has been that of want because of need as a result of lack of self acceptance and self pity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting wants and needs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self pity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking with myself by participating with future projections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting presence as awareness by going into my head and creating future projections.

I forgive myself for not realising that when I indulge in future projections I am taking myself out of the present and into the future and it’s like I’m saying I don’t want to be here, present I want to be in the future...and the future doesn’t exist from the perspective that the scenario’s I’m in visioning in my head are not here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not living the realisation that I am the past the present and the future together as all as one and that therefore by going into my mind as lala land and projecting into the future about me...it’s like I am moving myself out of past and present and just into future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from the past and the present.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to escape the past and the present and to go into the future.

I forgive myself for not realising the ridiculousness of future projections from the starting point of reaction.

I realise the ridiculousness of future projections from the starting point of reaction.

I realise that when I indulge in future projections I am taking myself out of the present and into the future and it’s like I’m saying I don’t want to be here, present I want to be in the future...and the future doesn’t exist from the perspective that the scenario’s I’m in visioning in my head are not here.

I realise the starting point of me creating future projections has been that of want because of need as a result of lack of self acceptance and self pity.

I realise that I was coping with emotional reactions by creating a future projection mind scenario in my head where I am the hero as the guy who points out the obvious common sense.

I realise it is fucked to create future projections from the starting point of emotion and feeling reactions.

I realise how it is fucked to create future projections in my mind from a starting point of instability as a result of an emotional reaction

I realise I do not require to cope with reactions as feelings/emotions by creating future projections in which my coping needs will be satisfied as my wants and needs as I realise that I am able to learn from my every reaction as the reaction occurs and therefore it is totally unnecessary for me to go into my mind and procrastinate so to speak by creating future projections about reactions when I can face reactions in the moment with brutal self honesty and actual see the truth of myself and therefore I can then release myself from suffering with self forgiveness application and self corrective statements.

I realise self forgiveness is an awesome as a tool to apply on a daily basis for alleviating discomforts as accepted and allowed limitations/separations.

I realise I am grateful for applying myself here in writing as I realise a point here today that I didn’t realise before having begun to write.

I realise that through writing I face myself in the moment and therefore do not future project as I check myself to be in the centre upper area of my chest.

I commit myself to looking within myself while writing to make sure I am speaking me as the being within my upper chest and not speaking programming systematically from up in my head.

I commit myself to studying and investigating my reactions as gifts/presents that are presented to me in the moment as support for me to apply self forgiveness on and release accepted and allowed limitation.

I commit myself to stopping future projections as reactions based upon feelings/emotions.

When and as I see myself going into my mind as a coping mechanism for a reaction that angered, annoyed, irritated, frustrated, pissed me off, - I stop! I breathe and I realise the fuckedness of following through with such an acceptance and allowance as self imposed limitation and self suppression and therefore I face the point in the moment and investigate and allow myself to laugh/giggle/chuckle/smile/grin/grimace as I realise I just stopped myself for participating in an act of absurd ridiculousness and therefore I allow myself to laugh at my own ridiculousness as I realise ridiculousness is funny.