Day 14, Movie Theatre and Popcorn

 


So today I went to the movie theatre and I noticed a ridiculous pattern/tendency that I have justified so many times in recent years. I buy popcorn with smarties or m&m's to dump in the popcorn and so many times I justify buying it because I like it, even though the price is ridiculously marked up and I don't necessairly need it. My earliest memories of going to the movies with my parents, I can recall getting the popcorn and candy combo and it's like I have a positve charge in relation to the memory and thus I justify paying the absurd price every time I go to the movie's because it's like I want to feed that feeling of satisfaction that I believe I experience as a result of buying the popcorn and candy combo...it's like i've done it soo many times that I justify doing it, by saying this is what I always do...like I've programmed within myself that I must get popcorn and candy when I go to the movies. Today I considered not getting the popcorn and candy combo...and my back chat came up as justification that I should get it because I'm able to get it and I'm willing to pay whatever price to get it because the price is so worth having it to keep my streak alive of getting candy and popcorn at the movie. It's like i've convinced myself that I wouldnt enjoy watching a movie at the theatre as much if I didnt have my popcorn and candy combo to give me a butery sweet and salty fix.

I'm not saying that it's wrong or it's right to get popcorn and candy at the movie theatre. I'm saying it's kinda fucked that my starting point has been hooked on a feeling that is triggered from early childhood that I gotta keep this pattern going.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate going to the movie theatre with getting a popcorn and candy combo.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying getting popcorn and candy at the movie theatre because it is what I've always done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I wouldnt be as comfortable or enjoy the movie theatre as much as if I didnt purchase popcorn and candy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being hooked on the feeling that is triggered backed to early childhood memory of going to the theatre with my parents and getting candy and popcorn.

I forgive myself for not realising that i've been feeding a feeling of comfort/satisfaction/enjoyment/tradition/ based upon holding onto the initial feelings I experienced as a young child getting popcorn and candy at the movie theatre.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to re-live the feelings I experienced as a result of getting popcorn and candy at the movie theatre.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to fulfill myself by re-living childhood memories.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how hooked on a feeling as an experience I was as wanting/desiring to have popcorn and candy when I go to the movie theatre.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a dependency upon popcorn and candy when I go to the movie theatre.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that I am not required to justify my actions to myself and that back chat as justification is an indicator that there is a point I must further investigate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a void within myself that I am trying to fulfill with feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself for not realising that I was separating myself from and as popcorn and candy at the movie theatre and that I was worshipping popcorn and candy at the movie theatre as my saviour as mood altering substances that I must have or else I will be moody. I realise the ridiculousness of separating myself from and as popcorn and candy.

I realise I am not required to justify my actions to myself and that justification as backchat is an indicator that there is a point/issue within myself that I must further investigate.

I realise that trying to fulfill myself with experiences of desirable feelings is a trick/trap/deception as a point of self sabotage as self suppression that results in never being fulfilled but always needing more and it is like a donkey chasing a carrot..as the point of self fulfillment is alwaus just a lil bit further away and requires a point that has been defined a separate from me to fulfill the void that I have accepted and allowed within myself.

I realise that living here in the moment does not require me to recreate feelings that were experienced in the past to be fulfilled. I realise that moment to moment management as the courage and honour to live self trust and self honesty is in fact living self fulfillment and is therefore a point/self realisation as self satisfaction that is constant as equality and oneness.

I realise self fulfillment and self satisfaction is limited as a result of participating in feelings and emotions.

I realise I do not need popcorn and candy at the movie theatre to be fulfilled or satisfied.

I realise creating a relationship dependency upon popcorn and candy at the movie theatres is ridiculous.

I realise I was being kinda religious about getting popcorn and candy at the movie theatre.

I realise I was separating myself from and as popcorn and candy at the movie theatre and that I was worshipping popcorn and candy at the movie theatre as my saviour as mood altering substances that I must have or else I will be moody. I realise the ridiculousness of separating myself from and as popcorn and candy.

I realise i've been feeding a feeling of comfort/satisfaction/enjoyment/tradition/ based upon holding onto the initial feelings I experienced as a young child getting popcorn and candy at the movie theatre.

When and as I see myself at the movie theatre justifying to myself that I must get popcorn and candy because that's what I always do and that my movie experience just wouldnt be as good without popcorn and candy, I stop, I breathe and I let go of the backchat as I realise I created the backchat justification as a mind pattern playout that has been accepted and allowed throughout time by feeding/charing feelings upon past experiences at the movie theatre. I allow myself to see the humour as the ridiculousness of my participations as backchat and release myself from the prision of my mind with a smile/giggle/chuckle/sharring my story.

I commit myself to investigating all forms of backchat so that I can stop automated backchat and let go of patterns that have been charged based on feelings/emotions.

I commit myself to correcting my past with self forgiveness so that I can stand as the past/present/future as free from memory patterned influence based on feelings/emotions.

I commit myself to investigating all trigger points within myself that cause a reaction within me so that I can assist and support myself to purify the law of my being.

I commit myself to studying/investigating all relationships I have created so that I can self correct that which is based upon limitation as feelings/emotions.

I commit myself to using the tool of self forgiveness to correct self imposed limitations based on thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I commit myself to self forgiveness and self corrective statements on a daily basis as a self willed statement of self-direction as a director/creator that stands as what's best for all life.