Tree Planting Chapter 4 In Your Face Self-Reflection
So, I find it interesting to see and realize that deep down
within our self we all desire the very same thing(s). That is what is Awesome.
Now, the meticulous
detailed specifics of what is awesome may vary slightly as there is so much
that encompassed the awe of awesome.
I was working with 2 fellow planters today...doing a bit of
extra work..."overtime" if you will...as this was our "day off"
from planting before our next shift of planting begins...this was a little
special mission that we volunteered to take on. Points that stand out from this
special mission is the fact that we all expressed the desire to have our own
land...and the desire to work the land...and utilize what the land is able to
produce...now this is interesting that we were talking about this as we were
planting life into the land. Now, we also talked about the point of building
our own homes on the land...and one of the guys has gotten himself some
specific training in how to build log homes.
I had researched about straw bale houses...and he was familiar.
Now, point of my sharing here is on the topic of self
reflection here...as that deep down we are all the same and we all want the
same things at a very basic nature...like for instance our own home and our own
land to produce food for example...now where things get a little individualized
with wants is in the area of actual hobbies....activities...as like a form of
education and entertainment play and pursuits of development and expression as
like how we choose to utilize our free time.
This leads me here to sharing about the brutal truth of my
self reflection this afternoon and this evening with regards to acceptance of
self here...and the desire to be validated by another self here....as an equal.
This point comes up in specific relation to the nature of
the relationship that exists with alcohol here within our human culture.
Alcohol is like the social lube...as like the coming together acceptance and
allowance...that as we share this drink together we can in turn socialize and
validate one another within sharing this depressive drink...now I say
depressive drink because scientifically it is fact that alcohol exists as a
depressant....and the point of alcohol being regarded as something the majority
of humans like to have and share with one another as a point of bonding is
rather sad...and most unfortunate.
Now, I realized at quite a young age...that my use of
alcohol was for these specific purposes...that it was a way for me to feel more
comfortable interacting with others...as like feeling like I belong more with
others here...and that alcohol was a drink I referred to as liquid
courage...as like I could use the alcohol to say whatever I felt like...as like
a way to feel like I am temporarily opening myself up....and also the fact that
now I had a point in common with all these other people at a basic level of
socializing from and as the perspective that they too are full of fear
suppression and drink the alcohol as a point of wanting to have a good time and
enjoy oneself.
Now, here in the tree planting culture in which I am
immersed within ...alcohol is hugely popular. Drugs are also not uncommon. Pot
is about as common as cigarette smoking...arguably less popular than it was
some years ago...though...smoking in general is also quite popular among tree
planters.
Now, it is
interesting to me...because I have had much resistance to wanting to put in
much face time around others while engaging in socializing with alcohol. It's
interesting because the socializing that occurs for the most part is in
relationship to the drugs and the alcohol...as like the necessary fuel to
unwind and have a good time....like it is the good time medicine.
What is interesting to reflect upon is how I, in the past
regarded marijuana as my medicine. Like, I needed my weed to be OK...I can
recall saying that I would be OK with being any where in the
world...specifically...i believe I stated that I could be anywhere as long as I
had my weed...and look at the point...here....that my stability...and
comfort...and ability to be at one within myself...i believed to be totally
dependent upon my ability to have my medicine...It's interesting because I
regarded weed medicine as like quite powerful and strong stuff that was really
helping me expand myself.
What's interesting about all this reflection here...is that
there was a hesitance within me about actually looking at my starting point for
my indulgence within substances.
Also...the point of intimately seeing others as me too. Like
seeing and realizing and understanding my Self responsibility in communicating
and socializing with others as a point of support and assistance for
myself/others here.
What's interesting to see, is how easy it has been for me to
go into a self-righteous character and cast out blame projections towards
others as like a self-hypothesized theorized justification as how the others
are just too fucked and that there ability to really give a shit and change
their outlook is just so limited and that it is really a waste of my time to
socialize with these depressed/suppressed/hippy drug and alcohol users who
believe it's all good man and that things are cool and there all about having a
good time and experiencing the good feelings within the right now of
consciousness energy...as like just focus on the positive man...and ya lets
just hang out together and party...have our drink and just have a good time.
"See", what is interesting about all this, ...., is, this is me
facing me here.
What do I mean when and as I say..."this is me facing me
here?"
I mean, this is me, facing myself here.
See, everyone here is me and you.
You is me and me is you.
The tough pill to swallow if you will, is that once you
actually "dare to investigate" the extent of our self here...and question what is
best for all life here....there is no turning back...like...there is a point of
a certain strength of character required in honoring life here...and facing the
challenges here, such as fellow humans within immense self-suppression...that
there is a duty of care required here...to speak to, and as the strength of each
persons character...regardless of how suppressed and buried it may very well
be....SEE, Here...is and as our ability to "Live" the words we Speak as a Visible
example within our community as the Question, the Answer and the Solution.
Like,
See here how my particular situation within my tree planting
community brings about many questions: like; why i do not drink or do drugs.
Questions are a cool vehicle to getting somewhere.
Solutions are the best way to answer questions...as like a
showing the way how to do something...so that another can have the point be
explained and exemplified for them...so that there mind is totally clear within
and as how the point can in fact actually be walked...like the will and the way
have already been shown...what now opens up within an individual...another as
self here...is that very point of having a tough pill to swallow with regards
to and as the truth of and as our self reflection here....our Self "in" "to" "me" "I" "see".
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