Day 770 - The Lame Fear

You get what you don't want and You get what you want, so either way, you Get it.  Get It? Get It!  Got it.

I noticed I fear being Lame.  Like, I do not want to appear weak or lame or somewhat inept in my participation, whatever that may be.  Ironically enough, what you really don't want, you get more of..when your starting point is in opposition of that very thing...it's like a homeopathic remedy and equation in so many ways....where the thing that is here to support you the most, is the very thing you are "fighting" and in "conflict" about. Tragically ironic indeed.  It's like creating  more and more consequence, a bigger and bigger mistake...to either be the cause of one's demise...or the Very Solution Remedy Cure here.  Funny, because everything is it...and where shit gets complicated is in and as how we have tagged it. You know that very elementary game of Tag You are it?  The word spelling's we imprint as our character impressions...not realizing the forgeries we are creating, because it's a fake of sorts, a conscious/unconscious incompetence. Not as the Knot in and as our not realizing what we are doing to ourselves...our cells here in and as our world here.

I noticed how I have been perpetuating a mind fuck within my world participation's within this point of fearing to be Lame. In many ways this perpetuates a sort of inferiority/superiority play out of characters....where it's like I go into a sort of De-siding....I mean, deciding...as like a self-censorship within participating within a point, or a sort of self-righteous superiority/Inferiority.  Though, there is the alternative to both these conflicting realities...which is me being here, clear from fear.  Though the very instance of me having moments of being clear from fear is very questionable,...because it's like a moment of fresh air, a breath of life...and then it's gone and into some sort of self-perpetuating stagnation or drowning.  Like forgetting how to swim for a moment...ironically enough, it's more like disabling my swimming ability in a moment, as like choosing to impair my ability with the acceptance and allowance of fear to be the commanding authority in relationship to the points of ability in question as my response abilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the word Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I have allowed myself to have a fearful relationship with the word lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I have limited/suppressed my natural learning ability as a result of fearing to be Lame/Weak within a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the Irony relationship Tool and How it Links specifically with Fear in and as a Word Relationship.  As like a realm of Fear is at the core of accepted and allowed issues/conflicts/problems within an individual relationship. And, why this is so ironic, is because it is the very Fearful relationship with specific regards to the word in question that keeps the problem/conflict/mistake/misfortune alive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which i have self-censored my potential as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be in opposition/fear towards the word Lame. I forgive myself for not realizing the irony within fearing to be or be perceived as Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the extent to which process is a tragic/divine comedy play out here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how Irony can be a rather specific tool for investigating words, where you can use the word Irony as a sort of cross reference where you have a look to see if you are being ironically stuck within the very word you are making a concerted effort to investigate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how cool a tool Irony is within investigating words as like a fun and funny play to aid in and as the word investigation/exploration. - See more at: http://michaelwilliammcdonald.blogspot.com/2016/02/day-769-exploring-word-lame.html#sthash.hpDhwsRP.dpuf

Day 641 Tree Planting Chapter 5 Moving Myself

 

Tree Planting Chapter 5 Moving Myself

So, In order to move myself effectively whether I am tree planting or not...I have noticed the self-commitment required as a point of determining   the focus concentration and self expression of the movement. I have noticed that when I would allow myself to move from a starting point of having judgement within myself about a particular point of participation....that my ability to function and move at my best ability within the moment is so suppressed as a result of holding onto the emotion and then not wanting to really move...because there is this emotion and judgement about the point...and so there is a hindrance within the ability to really express self in and as the moment.

So, I see/realize and understand the practical living support in creating goals/challenges

Like for instance within tree planting...as l allowed myself to motivate myself within the point of wanting to actually do the work...I was eager to actually be as efficient and effective within the work I was doing.

I see realize and understand the value of efficient effective and diligent work.

I see the practically in moving myself within specific applications despite my mind desires of wanting to do something else when I have a specific application that I would actually like to get done. 

I see/realize and understand the decision within the moment, as my "will" to make it happen...despite the momentary thought that comes up within my mind as resistance to getting'r done.

Day 632 Seeing, the "I am Patience" within a Moment of "Impatience"

It's interestingly cool to see the, "I am" within and as the word "Impatience". What's so interestingly cool about this is that within seeing a Word for what it is...You can clearly See what it is not. The more clear the understanding of what something is...the more clear the understanding of what it is not. So, this illustrates how one can realize and understand "patience" by and through the examination/investigation of one's moments of "Impatience."


I also find it interesting to see how "justified" Impatience can be...as like a point of arguing for one's own self-inflicted limitation/stress/strain/suppression. An easy example that comes to mind is: telling someone to just calm down....and they respond/react by saying, "No, I will not calm down...blah blah blah blah blah...it's my right and you have no right to tell me what to do...blah blah blah blah blah...it's my birthday and I can cry if I want to....You would to if it happened to you." I'm sure everyone knows the justifying attitude I am referring to here.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the "I am Patience" within examining and understanding my momentary reactions as Impatience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the simplicity that is possible in strengthening my Character of of Self-Expression within investigating the nature of and as my word relationships...as like how I am behaving within and as a particular action and or re-action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the insight that I am able to garner from taking the time to investigate my behavior from moment to moment as like the nature of my thoughts/feelings/emotions that pop up within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the fear that is existent within "impatience" as like either a positive or negative energy push/pull relationship...where I have felt pushed/pulled towards doing something as like a there is an impatience/rushing desire where this energy experience generates this feeling of "I just can't wait...I need to do it...have to do it now...I just can't wait...If I don't do it now, I might miss out on being able to do it later"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having an a polarized energetically charged relationship within and as the word "Impatience".

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I have in fact acted out impatience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding Impatience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for rushing in my mind Impatiently.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the "I am Patience" within and as the playout reactionary experience of and as "Impatience".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the energetic playout of Impatience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for garnering motivation and inspiration from reactionary moments of Impatience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to move myself unconditionally within and as the self-expression, "I am Patience".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for compromising my premier performance within and as the Justification of Impatience being my starting point motivation and inspiration for movement.

When and as I see myself Justifying moments of Impatience within myself, I stop and breathe, i see/realize and understand the self-deception within and as the justification of impatience. I commit myself to the self-expression 'I am patience'. I direct myself as I am patience in moments where there is an urge/impulse...push/pull energy to react in and as "Impatience". I see/realize and understand My Premier Performance here as Effective Efficient Self-Movement/Self-Expression exists within and as the Understanding of and as "Patience".

I commit myself to taking the time to be patient with Impatience.

I commit myself to stop resisting I am Patience within Impatience.

I commit myself to practically living I am Patience as a point of support and assistance.

I commit myself to sharing the joy that is possible within and as Self-Patience.

When and as I see myself rushing within my mind, I stop and breathe, I slow way down as I see/realize/understand my premier performance within and as my self-movement here is dependent upon my ability to self-express my understanding of Patience. I see/realize/understand the best performances are self-directed as a point of patience in Motion.

I commit myself to my best performances.

I commit myself to practically living the insight of Patience in Motion.

I commit myself to self-directed movement from and as the starting point of Patience.

Day 580 Gifting Myself within Self-Reflection

Continuing from my previous blog:

"I teach a particular child once a week for many consecutive weeks and this particular child reflects the points that I have attempted to hide from myself and what is interesting about this...is that I've resisted to investigate the extensiveness to which this child reflects points that exist within myself. So much so, that in many moments I would simply try to ignore the sounds coming from this particular child, because I was trying to protect myself from facing the points of self-correction within myself that are most unfortunate...and in this way...I see and realize my minds tendency within my self-created auto defense systems as a way to prevent me from really facing the roots of a point within total self-reflection...

So this particular child so clearly embodies the point of stimulation for self-satisfaction and is quite effective in directing/orchestrating his own personal self-stimulation and amusement as his constant continuous motion without particular regard for how his desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around him."


I see how throughout my life time I've been quite effective in directing/orchestrating my own personal self-stimulation and amusement as my constant and continuous motion without particular regard for how my desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around me.



The questions come up within myself: 



"Is it not each individual's self-responsibility to direct our individual self-stimulation....self-satisfaction...and amusement?"



"Is it wrong for me to exist the way I have existed?"



"Am I trying to justify self-interested pre-occupation when in fact I exist in a time/space reality that requires extensive assistance and support in re-aligning the framework rules to support what is best for all Life."



"Do I fear letting go of my personal self-interest?"



"What else do I know besides my personal self-interest?"



"How would I exist here if I moved out of a desire based starting point of self-interest pre-occupation?"



"Should not the point of living here be for everyone to have the opportunity to investigate and explore their personal self-interests?"



"Why am I resistant to fully letting go of my personal self-interests when I know and realize our shared reality requires serious changes in order to assist and support all Life here as what is best? Would this not be a point of serious change?"



"Do I see how I argue for my own self-imposed limitation within justifying/desiring to spend my time within recreational/leisurely pursuits when our shared reality requires intensive labor investigative pursuits in order to stop the heinous abuse that is perpetuated as a result of disregarding what is best for all Life here?"



"Why have I allowed myself to regard my-self as separate from everything else here?"



"Is believing Self to be separate from everything else here easier to justify the use of blame and abdication of personal self-responsibility and self-accountability"



"Do I see how I have not really understood the extent of self-interest in the greatest most profound sense because I resisted living from the starting point of Equality and Oneness in every moment?"



"Do I see how self-interest from a starting point of self being separate from everything here creates a disharmony as a cognitive dissonance to the understanding and self-realization of what is best for all Life here...and how regard for self-interest in the most profound sense is the regard for what's best for all Life...as that's the best self-interest....the only real self-interest....because anything else is less than considering all Life One and Equal Here?"

Day 447 Principles over Preferences

prin·ci·ple  

Noun A fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning. A rule or belief governing one's personal behavior.

Synonyms tenet - rule - basis - law (source: google definition "principle") pref·er·ence   Noun A greater liking for one alternative over another or others. A thing preferred. Synonyms priority - precedence - choice - predilection So, I've come to understand the process of self honesty and self realization as a matter of principles over preferences.  This is the challenge so to speak, because this is where resistance comes into play, as everything that has been programmed within my mind as preferences contradicts the living of principles as that which is best for all Life as the ultimate truth/self-realization and is therefore a journey to Life through the process of self-forgiveness and self corrective application...as like the giving away of preferences over principles...for the reverse alternative...as principles over preferences. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a tendency to be reluctant to incorporating my understanding of principles over preferences from the perspective of manipulating my attention towards new preferences in place of previous preferences that I let go of from the starting point of principles over preferences...as like...letting something go...only to cling to something else as like a preoccupation/fascination/obsession as like a way to not fully let go and release myself from mind programming.  I realise and understand that this is the process Journey to Life...as like one point at a time so to speak...as like, as I face one point and I solve the problem/issue/conflict, I am presented with a new problem/opportunity/step within and as my process journey/self realization.  When and as I see myself clinging to a new point of preference to hold onto, I stop and breathe and I realise and understand that this is my physical confirmation of the next point that I am required to take on within and as the process of self/realization as the incorporation of living my words as principles over preferences.  I see and realize that this process is extensive and that there is no time to dwell within loss so to speak...as like I am not really giving up anything...as what I am actually doing within myself is equalizing myself as Life here...and removing any and all bondage to a hierarchy value system where all Life is not valued equally.  I realize and understand the there are so many problems existent within the world because of the attitude of preferences over principles as opposed to principles over preferences....because in choosing preferences over principles, you get to focus attention on self interested indulgences that are not aligned in the interests of the betterment of all Life here...as like operating from the starting point of existing as a being here for the greatest good. The opposite is in fact true...as it's like choosing to accept the 'status quo'... as like an act of accepted and allowed dis-empowerment, as a choosing to just try and make the best of a bad situation....without realizing and understanding yourself as an integral part in stopping all bad situations and creating best case scenarios/situations as a being of real principled living that cannot be compromised and controlled by preferences...and therefore becoming the insurance that change that is best for all Life is inevitable.unstoppable because principles as what is best for all Life over ride self-interested preferences.