Day 580 Gifting Myself within Self-Reflection

Continuing from my previous blog:

"I teach a particular child once a week for many consecutive weeks and this particular child reflects the points that I have attempted to hide from myself and what is interesting about this...is that I've resisted to investigate the extensiveness to which this child reflects points that exist within myself. So much so, that in many moments I would simply try to ignore the sounds coming from this particular child, because I was trying to protect myself from facing the points of self-correction within myself that are most unfortunate...and in this way...I see and realize my minds tendency within my self-created auto defense systems as a way to prevent me from really facing the roots of a point within total self-reflection...

So this particular child so clearly embodies the point of stimulation for self-satisfaction and is quite effective in directing/orchestrating his own personal self-stimulation and amusement as his constant continuous motion without particular regard for how his desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around him."


I see how throughout my life time I've been quite effective in directing/orchestrating my own personal self-stimulation and amusement as my constant and continuous motion without particular regard for how my desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around me.



The questions come up within myself: 



"Is it not each individual's self-responsibility to direct our individual self-stimulation....self-satisfaction...and amusement?"



"Is it wrong for me to exist the way I have existed?"



"Am I trying to justify self-interested pre-occupation when in fact I exist in a time/space reality that requires extensive assistance and support in re-aligning the framework rules to support what is best for all Life."



"Do I fear letting go of my personal self-interest?"



"What else do I know besides my personal self-interest?"



"How would I exist here if I moved out of a desire based starting point of self-interest pre-occupation?"



"Should not the point of living here be for everyone to have the opportunity to investigate and explore their personal self-interests?"



"Why am I resistant to fully letting go of my personal self-interests when I know and realize our shared reality requires serious changes in order to assist and support all Life here as what is best? Would this not be a point of serious change?"



"Do I see how I argue for my own self-imposed limitation within justifying/desiring to spend my time within recreational/leisurely pursuits when our shared reality requires intensive labor investigative pursuits in order to stop the heinous abuse that is perpetuated as a result of disregarding what is best for all Life here?"



"Why have I allowed myself to regard my-self as separate from everything else here?"



"Is believing Self to be separate from everything else here easier to justify the use of blame and abdication of personal self-responsibility and self-accountability"



"Do I see how I have not really understood the extent of self-interest in the greatest most profound sense because I resisted living from the starting point of Equality and Oneness in every moment?"



"Do I see how self-interest from a starting point of self being separate from everything here creates a disharmony as a cognitive dissonance to the understanding and self-realization of what is best for all Life here...and how regard for self-interest in the most profound sense is the regard for what's best for all Life...as that's the best self-interest....the only real self-interest....because anything else is less than considering all Life One and Equal Here?"

Day 514 Branding and Marketing Stigmatization

Continued from previous blogs. Quote here from initial blog on "branding and marketing":

"With the word Stigmatization coming up I reflect back to elementary school and I recall not getting invited to this girl's birthday party that was a boy/girl party in like grade 5 or 6 where pretty much every body in the grade at the school was invited but I wasn't invited because I had been exploring body parts with this particular girl a little while earlier...and the girl's mother found out and told my parents....and this was made to be this big deal and secret bad thing that wasn't to be talked about...and I was regarded as a bad apple/influence by the girl's mother...and thus I was outcasted from going to this boy/girl party where there would be things happening like spin the bottle and getting locked in the closet.   Anyways, I was kinda sad/disappointed about not being allowed to go to party...but I at that age accepted that I was the bad apple...and believed to understand why I couldn't go because the girls mom feared me as being a bad influence.

I see how I spawned the attitude from there that I am too cool, like too cool to be allowed to socialize with all my peers all the time because I'm such a strong influence...and a strong influence is an influence to be feared."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for marketing and branding stigmatization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stigmatize myself within spawning the attitude that I am too cool, like to cool to be allowed to socialize with all my peers all the time because I'm such a strong influence...and a strong influence is an influence to be feared.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding on to such fear within myself that I projected the image of superiority as a false front imagined belief to make believe reality as a result of being petrified of facing the actuality of my accepted and allowed physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to comfort myself and make myself feel good within an unpleasant situation of being outcasted by my peers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to create comfort within myself through the belief of superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from myself through the make belief of superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for coping with disappointment within myself by creating a logical-self manipulation as my reasoned justifications of why things are happening the way they are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing for justifying self-stigmatization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for subscribing to the belief and judgement of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make sense out of belief and judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distort my perception of reality within making sense of things though judgement and belief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how a memory that happened so early on within my Life could have had an influence on me up till today.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to be a good influence within accepting and allowing myself to exist as a bad influence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a bad influence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a bad influence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for opting out of participation within particular activities from the perspective of I'm too cool to associate within that particular activity or environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining so many activities as less cool than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging people extensively for participation within activities that I don see as being cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging people as like where there at and what they are doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding to look at myself and see what I am accepting and allowing that is not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto a friction within myself as a result of avoiding to correct the acceptances and allowances within myself that are not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto points within myself that are not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating separation within myself as like conflicting my perception of cool as a result of accepted and allowed self-judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blocking myself access to really understanding the totality of myself as cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to be cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for deciding that I can't be cool all the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fragmenting my coolness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making being cool a point of conditionality as like under only certain circumstances and contexts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing the unconditional expression of cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to censor myself as cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing that others will not be able to handle me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to handle myself within situations where I am required to stand within and as stability as the point/example of self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing people not understanding my expression in particular moments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself expression in particular moments where I do not receive positive feedback and re-enforcement for my expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming that no positive feedback for a particular situation is a form of negative feedback...as like believing that saying nothing is worse than saying something...saying nothing is like the worst review/feedback possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging no feedback on particular situations as like a form of receiving extensive negative judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to receive lots of positive feedback from my peers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for looking for positive feedback and re-enforcement of my particular expressions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking offense to not receiving feedback on my particular expressions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing negative judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing negative feedback/criticism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing no criticism as being worse than any publicly expressed negative criticism and or judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire negative criticism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good when I receive positive criticism and bad when I receive negative or no criticism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being dependent upon others for self-validation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing my worthiness is determined by the attention I get from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting high off of receiving attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for experiencing a low off of receiving little attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within low experiences and trying to get and remain in a high energetic experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being an energy whore within experiences as like always trying to channel a particular experience and making something more out of a particular physical moment of expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing moments of physical self-expression within creating definitions of self-judgement within particular moments...as like having a particular reaction within a moment which can exist within and as the form of a thought that comes up within my mind, and or a feeling or emotion that comes up within me...whether it seems to be triggered by a thought...or it comes up as a result of me being triggered by something within my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be triggered by things within my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extensive amount of assistance and support I have within my environment within seeing and realizing the triggers that exist within my environment are in fact the teachers here to support me in facing myself...as every point that triggers activity/reaction within my consciousness is a gifted opportunity for me to see the point of accepted and allowed manifested separation within myself as like a point of self-suppression...and that I can correct the situation in the moment...and piece myself back together as a point of expanding myself awareness here as like a point of increasing my presence/life force essence as my ability to exist here within and as physicality.




To Be Continued