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Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Day 581 Self-Intimacy within the Question

Continuing from my previous blogs:

"Is it not each individual's self-responsibility to direct our individual self-stimulation....self-satisfaction...and amusement?"

see here how in the phrasing of this question I was existing within the single mindedness of me as ego. Me as a self-interested singularity if you as primarily separate from everything else here. Me within theacceptance and allowance that each being here exists within this starting point of self-confined self-interest as a singularity separate from everything else here. Obviously this mental framework is ridiculously absurd because there is self-evident interconnectedness with everything here.

There was some resistance within myself to exploring the self-intimacy of the question here.

Within examining this particular question, I looked at the point of self-stimulation as the means to generating self-satisfaction and amusement. Within looking at this I did not really want to regard the point that stimulation is an abdication of self-responsibility from and as the perspective of being a distraction and a point of creating the illusion of choice. Also within this point, I see how the justification has existed within myself to see a self-manipulated logical reason as to why the meaning of my existence should revolve around this singular point of and as self-stimulation. It is shameful to see that my preoccupation has been self-satisfaction and amusement.

I was looking at the point of self-satisfaction within our shared reality as a coping mechanism as a way in which one can justify that enough effort/work has been done...that there is a point of complacency as a point of acceptance within self that aligns within the mentality/belief that I deserve a reward now because I am done and satisfied with my performance/achievement/accomplishment and thus I am self-satisfied because I have made myself believe within my mind that I reached the required level of complacency in order to be compliant as a self-righteous superior ego frame of mind...and thus I can rest and relax because that is the reward of self-satisfaction that I am kind of like on vacation because I don't require to push myself to do more because I am self-satisfied...

So here I see self-satisfaction linked to a point of giving up...from a certain perspective...because it's like agreeing that I will not keep open the self-investigation any longer because I am satisfied with the result I have already receive...and I found what I was looking for and therefor if I find anything will most likely be in direct conflict with my expectations and ego frame of mind as what I am looking for within and as amusement/stimulation.

So, obviously I do not particularly like to see and regard self-satisfaction as a grand illusion as the justified reason for an experience of greatness within myself. I mean I am kind of ashamed to see how I worked so hard to convince myself of my own justified self-satisfaction while abuse perpetuates itself everywhere as a reflection of the inherent system which I am a part. So I mean to see and realize that self-satisfaction is totally bullshit when considering that to be totally satisfied about anything when even a single point of suffering exists here is a cop out and total disregard for the well being of like this is to say ya I am satisfied with disregard for the well being of all Life here...because hey check out what I've done...I've self-glorified my individual personification within and as the reward center of my mind and therefore I have validated and excused any doubt that indulging within various relationships from a starting point of self-stimulation and amusement is questionable activity.

I see here how the makeup of me here is in fact rooted within and as systems of self-stimulation. I see here how self-stimulation is like a point of amusement. Like there is an excitement component movement to it.

To be Continued

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