Most people are completely obsessed with one thing and live their entire lives within the pull of this massive force of gravity that is their obsession. That obsession is SELF - me, myself and I. Becoming very good at something - mastering a skill - is hard work and often requires that you rise above yourself and become something else - whether it is the music, the art, the job - whatever. What seems to happen with people who have experienced a really traumatic event that involves loss is that they shift their focus from themselves to someone, or something else. That shift of obsession seems to cause a change in their motivation, the force that drives them forward in life. It is no longer the "I" that drives them, but some "other" force that allows for the opportunity for them to develop themselves and dedicate themselves completely to something outside of themselves. Let's face it - most of us never develop that kind of dedication, where we completely lose ourselves in something. Losing yourself implies that you are willing to let go of YOU and become something else - most of us are clinging on far too tightly to "Who I am" and the likes that we would never be willing to let go like that. In a sense it is the act of giving up control absolutely - that is a scary idea for most.
The point I am looking at here specifically is:
"Let's face it - most of us never develop that kind of dedication, where we completely lose ourselves in something. Losing yourself implies that you are willing to let go of YOU and become something else - most of us are clinging on far to tightly to "Who I am" and the likes that we would never be willing to let go like that. In a sense it is the act of giving up control absolutely - that is a scary idea for most."
I garner much support from looking at these words here. Notice how our physical expression here is linked to our ability to breathe here. Notice how often we exists within some shortness of breath...like maybe we hold our breath for a bit...but then need to gasp for air...as like clinging on for dear life....like fearing the death of our-self....this I find is quite an interesting parallel to the actual practical living of our-self here...and when I say practical living of our-self here...I imply the point of understanding that to practically live here...is to express oneself unconditionally...not holding our-self back...like...meaning that we will let go of our-self always...
This is a point I have played with much...very much like a piano in a lot of ways..in terms of my tone within myself...as like the attitude of the strangle hold I place upon myself..from the perspective of how much I restrict myself from doing particular things or how much I refrain myself from restriction and give myself unbounded access to any and all possible direction by not trying to control my direction from the perspective of fearing and worrying that I cannot respond/recover from a mistake...or basically like keep myself a float with my own self perpetual motion...like trusting my self movement...as the working with myself here as what I got to work with from moment to moment.
It's interesting here because our mind as thought/feeling/emotion is in a way the control...it's how we regulate....and interesting here because as we allow ourselves to step beyond our own self-hypnotic mind control...we dare to change our programming here... I mean really...stepping out of a pre-defined self-programming perception/perspective reality and into an unbound limitless potential reality from a certain perspective as we open up a plethora of mathematical potential ability and capability because our course of action as our ability to respond and act in particular manners is not regulated and pre-determined...pre-programmed based upon a time looping mind construction that just runs laps all day on auto repeat. Kind of bizarre really.
So, For instance there are instances where I have pushed myself to move beyond the curtains of control and into the unknown within and as the point of communication...basically pushing myself to trust myself in speaking and to allow myself to flow...and play with what I say while sharing here.
Also however...I have played the tailored opposite here where I am quite restricted within the strangle hold of fear over what I say...this is a frustratingly terrible way to go about communicating I must say...and why...because of the fear to let loose...lose control of the fear....controlling and regulating a fear...is kind of a bizarre approach and consideration...it's like seeing something is fucked and shouldn't really be here...isn't really here...but making believe it to be here.. and keeping it here and making a point of fucking with it. Mind mentality as fear...moving in fear...as the control methodology...
To be Continued
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