Day 117 What Am I Doing Here

 

I am here engaging/participating in a process of self realisation as equality and oneness birthed from and as the phyiscal as labour as a working process learning to stand as what is best for everyone.



 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having forgotten many times in the past as 'what am I doing here.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding facing myself as the question, "what am I doing here."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to face myself as the question the answer and the solution as 'what am I doing here.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting lost in being here and what I am doing here as consequence to following feelings/emotions as like energetic addictions of negativity and positivtiy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created confusion within myself as result of pushing positivity and believing that if I am truely positivie in all my actions than I am creating the ultimate defense against negativity and thus I will always be experiencing the high of positivity as like the feeling buzz of good vibrations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been religious about holding onto a positive energy buzz as like certifified dignified justification as like my right to be self righteous about living consequence as like greed and no regard for my fellow beings here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the absolute nastyness of positivity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having required experiencing myself as the absolute nastyness of positivity as a crutch of support in realising the self abuse of positivity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abusing myself with positive energy addiction as like feeling good and good vibrations rooted in self interest as manifested separation as disregard for the equality and oneness equation.

I forgive myself for not realising having resisted movements of self willed determination grows addiction to movement as energy as feeling/emotion as positive/negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thirstying for positive energy as like self consumption.

I forgive myself for not realising that I was totally consuming myself by thirstying for positive energy.

I forgive myself for not realising I've been harming others as I harm myself in thirstying for positive energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be an abuser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having denied facing myself as a brutal self righteous abuser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having spent my time as expending as much energy as possible as way to maintain positivity and self interest as like always getting my way as making sure my greediness is fulfilled.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created self direction from and as the starting point of greed and self inflicted abuse with no regard for the well being of everyone here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having had a hard time facing myself as an abuser/manipulator/deceitful being that is directly responsible for what is happening here as I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having denied myself access to living the question, answer and solution as 'what am I doing here'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to fear as like the source of my energy buzz as like adrenaline as like self induced highs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for killing myself as like sucking the life force essence out of my body as like pre-requisite to get the high experiences and I forgive myself for dismissing the fact that the greater the high expereinces I get the more I take away from myself as like giving myself a low to get the high as like my high's come as consequence of and as self abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having justified self abuse as like the required work and sacrifice to get the high desired experience.


I realise labour as working process being here as being facilitated as breath and self direction as breath/breathing.

I realise the source of positivity is negativity which is rooted in and as fear.

I realise positivity is like the greatest deception as like putting the wool over the eyes as like to keep self in the dark as like not realising self inflicted abuse through and as thirstying for the energetic buzz/experience of positivity as like goodness.

I realise how little Ive actually moved here on earth as like self direction as like self willed movement as I realise most of movement has come from the starting point of accepted and allowed separation as like manifested friction as like an energetic buzz of polarities as like positivity or negativity.

I realise I have been coping with self inflicted abuse as like eneregtic fluctuations as like positivity and negativity and that I have been trying to cope with energy fluctuations by controlling and manipulating positive experiences as like consequence of accepting and allowing fear within myself as like self suppression as like self imposed stuckedness/lack of will as self determination.

I realise I am in a world of emotions and feelings yet who I am is not of feelings and emotions.


When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to be thirstying for a postivie experience as like a self induced high as like participation in positivity as like self righteous goodness in and as accepted and allowed self destruction...I stop and I breathe and I let go of thought/feeling/emotion as like desired experience and I bring my hands together and I feel my hands toching each other and I breathe as I allow myself to be aware of the movement of my breath as I am aware of the touch of my hands/fingers touching each other.