Day 114 Attraction Reaction

So I was out tonight with some friends and coworkers and I noticed I would get a little bit self conscious when I would make eye contact with a girl I was physically attracted to.  I see this self consciousness as like a fear as like I would go into reaction as like defensive as wanting to double check myself as being cool and looking good and re assert myself with backchat as ya i'm playing it cool...when in fact it's like me reacting in fear and fearing not being well received...like fear of not knowing what is going to happen...like me being on guard a little bit..like allowing uncertainty and doubt within myself and fear of rejection and its like kinda exposes the point I was rejecting myself by accepting and allowing fear within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self conscious about my picture presentation and how I am being received by others as a picture presentation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself as physical attraction,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing uncertainty with women I am physically attracted to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to cope with fear/self consciousness by trying to ignore it and just playing along with it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mindfucking myself with and as self consciousness towards women I am attracted to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my physical attractiveness.

I forgive myself for not realising that my reaction to attractive women reflected my accepted and allowed relationship with attractive women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear attractive women and want and desire attractive women's approval.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to play out fear as back chat self consciousness as like justification of and as self doubt as  consequence of lack of self acceptance as equality and oneness.


I realise the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing self conscious behaviour as like reaction in and as fear to attractive women.

I realise being self conscious around attractive women is ridiculous.

I realise how I've accepted and allowed myself to fuck with myself as a result of accepting and allowing fear as reaction within myself as like accepted and allowed self consciousness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear within myself as like self consciousness.



I realise self consciousness is consequence of accepting and allowing fear possession/obsession.



When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to react to attractive women as self consciousness...I stop...I breathe and I embrace myself from and as the starting point of equality and oneness and realise I am seeing a mirror reflection and that fearing being attracted to another as myself in another life is ridiculous.


When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to be self conscious as like self judgement as like accepted and allowed fear as like being on guard as like having my defenses up as consequence of fearing uncertainty,..I stop...I breathe and I release with breath the accepted and allowed ridiculousness of and as self imposed mind fuckedness/suppression as a result of giving attentio to fear.

When and as I see myself getting uncomfortable within myself as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to follow and give attention to thoughts of self consciousness,...I stop and I breathe and I allow myself to be comfortable as I accept myself as comfortability and realise the ridiculousness of suppressing self comforting.