Day 707 - Fun Knee Forgiveness on Inner Jury

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to weigh myself down within holding onto memories/thoughts/feelings/emotions of the past that recycle within my mind that act as like a perpetuating strain and stress on my physical body and negatively influence my ability to walk.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how recycling through the same thoughts/feelings/emotions of and as the past perpetuates a strain on my ability to walk and move effectively here....and I forgive myself for not realizing how my knee injury accident correlates to a buildup of acceptances and allowances within myself that have not been properly dealt with.  I see realize and understand that allowing polarized energies to exist within my mind/body does not support the well being of my body/mind. I commit myself to releasing the energetic nature as conflict/polarity from the relationships that exist within my mind and body. I realize the absurd ridiculousness of holding charges against myself as specific positive or negative energetic resonances the support separation and dissonance from the starting point of Oneness and Equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the fun within the injury I can have as like how to make light of the situation and make the best of the situation as what is best support and assistance for myself here.  I realize the absurd ridiculousness of being hard and heavy on myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for questioning the attitude of gratitude in relationship to having injured my knee. I mean this is not the situation that I would have knowingly chose for myself to experience but now that I am within it...I am grateful the opportunity and the chance of self-reflection. Living gratitude has been a process of sorts as I see I have sometimes had the tendency to want to justify an attitude of something less than gratitude...as like a form of disdain and suffering and self-victimization because it seems like that is what I should project in comparing my current situation to past situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how as a result of holding onto judgement about particular events in the past that I have justified particular attitudes based on an emotion and or feeling reaction as a result of perpetuating points of comparison within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have in the past talked myself out of gratitude as the great living attitude.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to live gratitude as the greatest attitude unconditionally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have unconsciously superimposed my daily attitude from a starting point of energetic reaction. And within this I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I can in fact stop the any and all energetic attitudes and actually create the living of gratitude of my attitude here.

I see realize and understand gratitude to be the greatest attitude because gratitude comes from giving and an appreciation for giving....and living gratitude unconditionally means to give to oneself unconditionally as the best giving support and assistance one can in fact give.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding Always in which gratitude as a great attitude is in fact the giving of self-support and assistance here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to have fun in every moment of my knee injury.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying believing that I must be serious and reserve because I have injured my knee.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not really knowing how I should express myself within having an injury.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as discombobulated at moments when asked how I am doing within and as my day to day experience of myself within the process of recovering from a knee injury. I see have been confused from the perspective of believing that I shouldnt project myself as being to good or like in such good spirits because of the circumstances that I am dealing with...and because of this make believe fear I see I have created as like believing that if I enjoy my recovery process too much than maybe I will get injured again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to enjoy the healing process within and as my knee injury.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I will be self sabotaging myself in some way if I make a good time out of a what I believe to be shouldn't be such a good time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying a less than my potential greatness experience for myself within and as a result of accepting and allowing myself to live less than "gratitude as the greatest attitude in every moment".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the funny within and as the play time available to me within walking the injury recovery process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to make the best of my time in every moment,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard my best efforts in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the playful ease of living gratitude as the greatest attitude in every moment as a the way to support and assist the best for oneself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not even considering all the opportunity and potential existent for me in walking the knee healing process.


When and as I see myself faced within a person asking me how I am doing today.....I see realize and understand that it is ridiculous absurd to fear giving an answer that is too great/awesome as like that would then result in potentially accepting future experiences that are less than great and awesome. I realize and understand the irony of trying to rationalize decisions through fear...as like they work out completely in the opposite manner and that which you don't want happens...and it's like a ridiculously absurd experience because it's logically sound to oneself in being illogical....yet one doesnt realize the mindfuck because one is engulfed within it....which is like a vortex of consumption until one is able to take a breath and step out of one's own very self defined entrapment and sentencing. It's funny and ridiculously absurd the trains of thought we ride without even regarding ourselves as the conductor of such a construction.

I commit myself to gratitude as the greatest living attitude.

I commit myself to giving myself the gift of gratitude as my living attitude here.

I see, realize and understand how gratitude is a great attitude enabling effective relationship development and creation..because in living gratitude one can in fact see greatness within oneself and others here.,,,which is key in creation process as one is able to see the value and worth...and the best ways possible.

I commit myself to greatness.

I commit myself to let go of worrying about consequences for being to good or behaving better than is expected of me based on the situations and or conditions I am within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my very own gratitude within seeing and realizing the energetic mind consciousness construction within and as my thoughts/feelings/emotions.

To Be Continued

Day 602 Conflict of Interest

I find the point of "conflict of interest" to be a ridiculously absurd scenario that is far too regularized within society.

Here is why:

I see that "Interesting" comes from Interest and so I relate the point of "conflict of interest" to that of "Conflict of Stimulation"...Meaning that it is Obviously All about being Stimulated....and being Stimulated particularly in the right way...you know the right kind of stimulation....which is an interesting thing within and of itself, because getting rubbed the wrong way is stimulation too.

So, 

I notice, "Conflict of Interest" to be about unfavorable masturbation....I mean getting rubbed the wrong way.

What the fuck is unfavorable masturbation?

Unfavorable masturbation I see as having 2 main outflows:

1)Mental masturbation: getting worked-up/stimulated emotionally about something. To put it bluntly, being triggered and reacting to some dumb ass bull shit

The irony is that all forms of mental masturbation are self induced. And being triggered by some sophisticated clever intellectual shit is one and the same as reacting to some dumb as bull shit.

I see that this is a consequence of being addicted to fucking with yourself to such an extent that you believe you can't have the good fucking without the bad fucking.

What a stupid rationalization this is, "You can't have the good without the bad".  This induces the mentality that you must be bi-polar. Like, in a win/loss relationship with yourself. Fighting for peace. Like deliberately giving yourself pain/grief/sorrow/depression/despair as the necessary chemical concoctions believed to be necessary to extract the experiences of ecstasy/pleasure/relief/happiness. 

2) Physical Masturbation triggered by Mental Masturbation: jerking off to porn/desire/fantasy...rubbing one out because you're all worked up.

Now, some of you may be wondering like, 'what the fuck'...how the fuck am I suppose to rub one out...or, 'oh shit, rubbing one out with porn is a conflict of interest'...what the fuck, I don't get it...or maybe something along the lines of, 'you think what I am saying is total bullshit'...and well...fuck...if there's been any reaction to my words...than I've just helped you rub one out...triggering your conflict of interest....how stimulating....

To Be Continued

Day 571 Self-Corrective Self-Interest

When and as I see that I exist within conflict towards my accepted and allowed self-interest...as my personal interests and preferences as like being in opposition of the best interests of all life here, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand that I am out of alignment as what is best for all Life...and I am in fact self-reflecting the point of postponement...as like being in conflict with being in and as the alignment of what is best for all Life. Icommit myself to letting go of a personal preference that takes precedence over what is and are the best interest of all Life here. I commit myself to equalizing myself as what is best for all Life here. I commit myself to stop placing myself in opposition with all life here. I commit myself to self-realizing myself as all life here and within this perfecting my standing equal and one relationship with all Life here as what is best for all Life here.

When and as I see myself fearing to be specific in questioning my self-interests from the perspective of a personal preference that is in opposition of what is best for all Life as the one group here, I stop and breathe, I see I am facing a point of revenge of the ego...as like where I am resisting to go into self-investigation/self-reflection and this is in fact the quest I am required to go on as the necessary steps in my process to be walked through as my self-change into and as the practical living example of what is best for Life here. I commit myself to walking the process of self-change as what is best for all Life here within and as the practical living of going on self-investigative quests within myself as the self-directive journey of asking myself specific questions and within this realizing and understanding that I stand equal and one with the answer and solution that is best for all life here.

When and as I see myself having reactions towards the word self, I stop and breathe, I face any movement within myself, I question the energetic movement, I hold the specific energy within myself, I take self-responsibility for effectively releasing the point of specific energy/separation within myself. I realize and understand self as Life here. I commit myself to self here. I commit myself to Life here. I realize and understand the practicality in investigating all aspects of myself/life here. I commit myself to self-investigation as what is best for Life/Self. I commit myself to sharing my insight and understanding about Life/Self Here. I commit myself to assisting and supporting all of myself/Life Here.

When and as I see myself creating friction towards another being here as a result of having different personal preferences, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of judging/competing with another being from the perspective of separating myself from them by going into an inferiority/superiority battle royal by believing one preference is better than the other preference and within this enforcing the win/lossrelationship scenario. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of such particpations. I immediately realize and understand the shameful nature of the situation. I utilize this point of shame to assist and support me in and as my self-commitment and my self-preventive means to no longer go into this particular point of manifested physical separation as what is best for all Life here. I commit myself to taking self-responsibility for everyphysical manifested point of separation from and as All Life here. I commit myself to preventing the play out of superiority/inferiority relationships. I commit myself to relationship equality and oneness.

When and as I see myself being resistant to stand within the starting point of what is best for the group as Life here, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand my self-responsibility to the group/Life here as participating in my fullest capacity as my contribution/gift I would like to receive. I commit myself to walk as a member of the group/life here. I commit myself to supporting and assisting the group/life here. 

To Be Continued

Day 480 Exploiting and Manipulating the System

I've looked at law from the perspective of trying to figure out how I can exploit and manipulate the legal system. My justification has been that the legal system is totally fucked up, so if I can manipulate and exploit this totally fucked up legal system for my own personal benefit, I might as well do so.

I've come to realize a few things from having accepted and allowed such a starting point within myself:

1) I was disregarding my own inherent fuckedness within the legal system. I was not at all placing myself as one and equal with the legal system.  I was not seeing the legal system as myself and as a reflection of humanity as a whole.

2) I was placing myself as superior to the legal system, as like more clever, and therefor because of my superiority and cleverness, I deemed myself to be entitled to fucking with that which I deemed fucked because within my heir of self-righteous appointment, I'm looking to benefit and protect myself, as the expense of beating things...like in this particular scenario....my thinking was that I can beat the legal system of enslavement....note the punny pun here....."beating" the legal system....me kicking the legal systems ass....making the legal system my bitch....I mean what makes me so entitled to be a nasty fucker....when it is in fact this nastiness that I do not like in the first place.

3) I was perpetuating the existence of myself within the veils of self-righteousness that were in fact blinding me from seeing the actual laws of my being.  What is ironic about this is that the legal system reflected pure abuse to me, yet I didn't see the enslavement existing within myself. I didn't dare to consider the extent of self-reflection/self-investigation required to see how lame I was being within and as blame...as like all sorts of degrees of blame...like for example....seeing corporations and money to blame, and international bankers, and government, and everyone else who knew or didn't know about the extensive fuckedness of the legal system.

4)  I didn't realize and understand myself as a tyrant.

5) I was looking to leverage the current system...I figured if I could understand the complicated intricacies of the legal system than I could profit from knowing how to exploit and manipulate the current systems for my individual monetary benefit...and that I could show others how I had been prosperous in exploiting and manipulating the current systems....and then I could talk about creating a new system that would be to everybody's benefit.

6) I didn't consider the consequences of deliberately exploiting and manipulating the current systems for believed individual prosperity and liberty in the terms of gaining a monetary strong hold...as like insuring a wealth of entitlement within a world of debt and lack of entitlement.

7) I figured I must be able to manipulate the wealth and resources of the world in such a way where I become the great emancipator.

8) I didn't consider myself ever as one and equal with those who hold the majority of the wealth and resources in this world....from the perspective of treating others how I would like to be treated...I was quite within my own self-righteousness....believing that my way is the only way...that there are those who must pay at the cost of my expenses....and therefore be controlled and regulated by the debt I inflicted upon them.

9) I didn't realize and understand the oppression existent within the dominant oppressor.

10) I didn't see myself as 'Agent Smith' continuing to evolve and upgrade within and as the systems of exploitation and abuse.  I only regarded myself as "Neo" fighting against the systems.

11) I remember the point in the 3rd matrix movie where Neo takes on all the systems and brings them into himself...as like the standing of the embodiment of the systems....and destroys them within himself in order to make possible the beginning of a new world order. (would be cool point to watch the matrix movies again...especially the third one from the perspective of seeing how Neo say himself as one and equal with agent smith, yet agent smith couldn't see and realize himself one and equal with Neo, and Neo was able to direct the conflict with great ease, while agent smith increasingly became more agitated and enraged with anger...as like the frustration and irritation of not knowing thy self as the mirrored reflection. Anyways, such cool movies that show the point of self-direction within self-honesty and self-trust....and the conflict of self-dishonesty)


to be continued with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

Day 474 Interest Alignment

I suggest checking out the Life Review "Isolating Myself within an Interest".

Some points of reflection for me, in regards to the sharing in the Life Review:

I see and realise how I have in many instances throughout my Life, deliberately isolated myself according to a particular self-interest.

I can recall as a child, being selective with my friendships, where for the most part I was only interested in spending time with people who wanted to do the same things that I wanted to do.

I recall around the age of 12 or 13, thinking that there wasn't really any point of being friends with people who weren't interested in hockey....because at the time I was obsessed with hockey...and if someone didn't share the obsession with me I didn't see the point of really developing a friendship.

I see how throughout my life I have kept alive this peculiar reasoning as the basic formula within developing or not really developing relationships with others.

I see and realise the ridiculous absurdity within perpetuating dismissing relationship connections because there is a point of difference within and as the point of personal preference.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto personal preference as the base foundation within choosing to develop relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for continuously throughout my life, finding reasons to dismiss the continuation of relationship development and expansion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for continuously throughout my life, projected blame upon others as being not good enough for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being blinded by my accepted and allowed self righteousness within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to face myself as the point of accountability within the demise of so many relationships throughout my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being self-righteous within the demise of relationship connections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be stubborn within the collapse and suppression of relationships within my worlds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not valuing myself and relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to nurture and really care about personal relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dismissing myself from relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating reasoned justifications as to why relationships end and collapse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for lacking the balls within relationships to really put in the time and effort to develop relationships of mutual benefit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having an extremely limited view of what is mutual benefit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty to see and realise and a good bond/connection/relationship can be formed without sharing the same obsession/hobby/interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being quite shallow and one dimensional within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding the multitude of connection points within a relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing for neglect to give and share support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage myself within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for undervaluing relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to maintain relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being hard on myself within seeing what it is I have accepted and allowed with regards to patterns and tendencies within the formation and development of relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how the patterned cycles of compounded and compressed within and as a reflection of my acceptances and allowances within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how my past history has repeated itself within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making up different energetic values for people based upon the self defined judgments I create and accept and allow within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self-defined judgments within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting my perception to self-defined judgment formations as the information I see...and within this I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how the information I have see has been a reflection mirrored to me as the nature of my internal relationships...being exposed externally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating reasoned justifications as to why passed relationships that were abandoned, cannot be reclaimed and re-built.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto the experiences of guilt, sorrow, shame, and disappointment within see and realising the blatant disregard I accepted and allowed within relationships that I participated within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for bailing on relationships as a point of self-interested, self-righteousness, as like to keep the illusion going that I am fine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for extensively judging people's interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being self righteous about behaviour and interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding myself as the source of that which I despise. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take full accountability here for my experience. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating so many layered justifications as ways to deliberately deceive myself from seeing the origins of my accepted and allowed history of consequence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take and give the time for expansion within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being insecure within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing inferiority/superiority to contaminate relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to cherish my every relationship.

I commit myself to honoring and valuing relationships within integrity and dignity as Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to cherishing relationships.

I commit myself to re-kindling relationships that have been neglected and ignored.

I commit myself to giving enabling myself the gift/opportunity of self-expansion within relationships.

I commit myself to stop wasting and disregarding relationships.

I commit myself to stop regarding relationships within only one dimension.

I commit myself to moving out of a one dimensional view and into a multi dimensional view.

I commit myself to making time available for the development and growth of relationships.

I commit myself to keeping communication alive within relationships.

I realise that within our present day and age of instant ability to communicate with others, there is no excuse for letting communication die within relationships, due to lack of participation....because participation is readily and easily available.

When and as I see myself creating reasoned justifications and excuses for non participation within communication and relationships, I stop and breathe, I direct myself to express myself within moments of having resistance to doing so. I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of deliberately sabotaging relationships within and as self-righteous thinking and judgment based in feeling/emotion/backchat.

When and as I see myself fearing to communicate with someone who it's been so long since I last communicated with, I stop and breathe, and I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of fearing to speak to people I have enjoyed communicating with. I see the funny as the absurd ridiculousness...and I realise and understand the point of nourishment I give myself within process by taking the time to laugh at myself, as like seeing and realising my acceptances and allowances...and laughing as a point of intimacy...as a point of learning from myself and therefore expanding myself by enabling myself to see beyond limitation and therefore welcome myself to ever expanding potential.