Day 779 - Names and the Fit of Descriptions as Our Words in Motion

I enjoy playing golf.   At times, golf can trigger a whole bunch of emotions within myself. It's interesting to even listen to myself say that.  "golf can trigger a whole bunch of emotions within myself."  I mean, it's me as golf and the specifics of the relationships dynamic particulars from moment to moment....as like how I specifically name/defined the particulars of any given moment and situation on the the golf course.  Like for instance and example here:  Approaching my golf ball and looking at the potential shot I can hit here and then thinking about my ability to do it....like a sort of judgment and value created belief in my capacity to do the shot...where it's like the whole nature of the thinking is sometimes glossed in a fear of fucking up the moment, missing the shot, not performing the result I see that is needed/best....and then from here, taking myself into a sort of self-talk pep talk as like a sort of self-religion of pep-talk, as like a self-believed comfort talk in focus on performing the motions that are needed.  But in questioning this automotive conditioning that comes up from time to time with regards to various moments, is the very fact and nature of this 'fear' hidden beneath this 'self-talk' at like the very core of myself as who I am in relationship to the moment.  And this 'Fear', essentially rooted into my core being belief structured thinking is justified logically within and as my conscious mind of thought, which comes out seemingly natural as who I am...and thus, seemingly very believable.  Believable, yes, because  it is the very self-reflection of my self-created belief systems.  And the kicker and the irony is that it is entirely fucked up....like in a way that I would not like for myself or for anyone...because the starting point as has been mentioned earlier is Fear.  Fear being a sort of paralyzing function in and as complete self-trust....the ability to move oneself in and as a state of confidence.

In taking regard here for myself within and as the layering conditioning of the psychology of myself within and as Fear as the resulting process which triggers the conscious self-talk / pep-talk as like how to move myself through a motion of action,....Is a very interesting point of Question and Investigation...Because I see this being a sort of self-created disharmony in the music that is me here as harmony.   What do I mean by this?   I mean, it's like I am creating a rift in my ability to naturally perform a specific motion and movement with effortless ease, power, precision, clarity and exact specificity.  See, I see myself and everyone having a natural learning ability....and our naturally learning ability is innate, a given that all life has been gifted with.  Now, this is where the story gets interesting, See, we all have this extraordinary....extra-ordinary ability...yet our knowing and understanding of ourselves as it gets complicated and confusing throughout time, due to the extensive nature of how we have allowed ourselves to play/work/develop our abilities here.  See, I see that our playing here as a grand generalization has been to a certain extent, very lackluster...where we sort of write ourselves off in one way or another,...Ironically and totally not realizing ourselves as the very narrator and authority who ultimately decides and designs the results of our actions/reactions/non-actions.

To be continued Here:

note:  I wanted to open this up to get the ball rolling and really get into the best swing of things as starting the momentum within and as a topic of profound awesomeness in so many ways that really is the epitome of and as our ability to create ourselves  as our lives in ways that are fun, enjoyable, and all ways Best here.

Cheeeeers :)

Day 776 - The Ink in my Thinking as Personified Television

 



Thinking is something i have given much credence to.  I have placed so much value in thinking that it has been to my own detriment.  I'd like to make a distinction here between 'thinking' and 'looking', where thinking is a sort of random behavior without direction that we give attention to as like thoughts, things just pop up within our mind and as we give attention to it our mind continues to move and build momentum and increase it's activity production output as going deeper and deeper.  Where as 'Looking' is a self directed point of seeing into something that will often stem from a form of questioning. the question may be direct or indirectly asked within oneself as a sort of examination like process within getting to know/investigate a particular point.

For myself, i can see i have very much allowed myself to blur the lines between self-directed 'looking' and 'thinking'....where the looking and the thinking can be very much regarded as the same thing....but also within the mix is the random reactionary thought that i have gotten into the patterned habit of examining, where it's like I stop what i am solely focused on and begin a sort of juggling act by giving a certain amount of attention to this 'new thought application'.  This 'thought application' is like a random virus in the sense that my connection to it is emotional/feeling based where it typical starts off with a very small charge/pulse about it....and i form a specific impression as a 'new thought/feeling-emotion/action-reaction' and from there do a sort of spiral inward into layering the point, where it's like a sort of zap/zing suppression that is kind of like lightening in a bottle in that it is is so intense yet small yet quick, yet powerful.

Fortunately I have the tools to sort out....self-correct such conditioned behavior.

Why would I want to correct such behavior / application within myself?
What's the point?

The point is Specificity and Accountability.  Meaning, to live and create the best version of myself here.

To elaborate,  My expression and ability to perform tasks to the best of my abilities is tainted within allowing myself to be very much 'distracted/possessed' within my own Thinking.

I have seen first hand how much my mobility is limited/halted within allowing myself to drift/wander/watch my thoughts brew about a particular topic.  For example, In tree planting...a job i have done for many years, my ability to move/flow with effortless efficiency is in direct correlation with presence/thoughtlessness of the moment, where i am so committed to my physical movement and am just so here within the expression of me moving, that there is no room for any other activity, nor need.   However...sometimes i would allow myself to be preoccupied with points of thought/ideas while moving/tree-planting...and the longer i allowed myself to focus on the thinking while moving/working, the more my performance suffered as tree-planting effortless efficiency, meaning my ability to plant a tree quickly slowed down...sometimes this slowing down in movement was only a fraction of a second, and sometimes it was more.  Ironically, I was typically more exhausted at the end of a tree-planting day when i had planted fewer trees and thought more.


To be Continued

Day 704 - Perfection

I noticed that I had created a polarity play within myself in regards to effectively living "perfection" without a bias and conflict.

Within reflecting upon my upbringing, I noticed I developed to a certain extent, the fear of making mistakes....or being wrong....and not wanting to be exposed as someone who doesn't know something or isn't very good at something. And on the flip side of this, existed the desire to be the best...perfection....being right....not making mistakes.

And if you look at the nature of this relationship interplay in regards to perfection...Fear is the root cause of such dissonance within myself, In seeing such fear within myself as like fear being on both sides of myself...it's kind of a paralyzing situation where there becomes a real stuckness. An example of this is like saying I'll go to the gym once I'm fit.....or, I'll start yoga once I'm flexible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining perfection within and as a positive energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating fear within and as an extension of perfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as less than perfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an experience of stuckness for myself in relationship to the point of perfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing failure and desiring success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as less than success and perfection within and as being the best within and as points of participation here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating self-sabotage in relationship to my perception of perfection...and within this the fear of failure/mistakes and the desire for greatness/success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for impairing my mobility...as like paralyzing my mobility in particular points of participation as a result of allowing myself to fear consequence and at the same time desiring to perform well within participations/performances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I would create a stuckness for myself as like a non movement within points as a result of and as the acceptance and allowance of fear within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be limited in movement as a result of and as the experience of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my mobility and responsibility to actually in fact live perfection from and as a point of allowing myself to participate and perform tasks...and within this actually develop and hone my skills within particular areas of focus that are points of new development.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have impeded learning growth and development within myself as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be stuck within fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to be stuck within fear.

When and as I see myself stuck within and as my ability to effectively move within a point, I stop and breathe, I face the fear that I am accepting and allowing....I dare myself to move beyond the stuckness experience and actually participate....I see/realize and understand that I can in fact let go of the stuckness experience by making the decision to move myself within a moment and actually participate here within a particular area of focus where I have resistance towards...and that by doing so, I actually in fact remove the resistance and develop myself within the point...where in fact I open up the potential to live self-perfection....because by allowing myself to participate in movement here, I am able to fine tune my abilities by learning from my participations here.

I commit myself to participating here. I commit myself to movement here. I realize and understand life to exist within movement and growth. I commit myself to movement and growth.
I commit myself to develop and self-perfect myself within movement here.

Looking at the word Perfect.....

Perfect Ion....

Perfect I On....

Perfection sounds kind of like perception....and perfect reminds me of performance....and perception is in regards to seeing...and performance is in regards to the movement/participation within and as a point...and therefore by actually allowing myself to be the perfection within and as the moment of myself here...I am allowing myself to see as the self-realization of myself here...which is in fact my self-honesty.....which I in fact live and in fact am able to exercise as my expression within and as the self-trust to actually move/apply myself here within and as specific point of participation/expression here.

I realize the commitment in fact within and as the word perfection...as it's a total immersion within and as a point of participation ....and so it's like perfection is always here within and as everything...as like everything is perfectly in fact exactly what it is as each and everything thing is behaving/operating the way that it in fact is....because it is perfectly that.

Perfect can be in regards to good or bad. As like that is a perfect example of what to do....or that is a perfect example of what not do . Either way, you see both example of perfect here...as being perfect in regards to what exactly they were.

I understand that in point of self-development that one can in fact learn to expand points of perfection....and I see this as the process of self-perfection as the natural learning process....where one's best is able to become better...as an improvement where you become better than your best....

In looking up the dictionary definition of perfection...I see it is in relationship to the quality of being free from flaw...as like flawless....and what is interesting to regard about this is the interdependence upon flaws...to in become flawless...because flawless is to have less flaws than what you previously did...or to be without flaws...and to get to a point of being without flaws is the process of and as self-perfection...where one enables oneself to move freely within participation and therefore one in fact can remedy a flaw/mistake by enacting a self-correction which is really the epitome of living practically self-perfection...because this is where self-realization is lived physically...as it's taking the seeing of a point and moving and transforming the ability as like the effective usage and understanding of one's very own response abilities....and here is how it all comes together within and as self-responsibility.

Day 651 Laser Like Focus

Doing something exceptionally well requires a total commitment of Self within and as the specific participation, there is no room for compromise within one's mind because even giving a split second thought about something other than what one is immersed within creates a divide within effectiveness in action because then there is multiple points of division/immersion and so one's attention and focus is split.

I learned this point exceptionally well within the act of tree planting.

I have not yet mastered this point within my every moment of day to day participations.

I will master this point of total commitment within and as my commitment to my physical participation and self expressive movement as myself here in every moment.


Now for a little story;

Today I was talking on the phone to my girlfriend and I noticed how I was not giving my total attention to the conversation I was having with her....my attention was diverted within thoughts about different things I was allowing to linger within my mind.

It's totally ridiculous to allow oneself to drift in thought.

Consequently, I was not particularly enjoying myself drifting in though about various things that I had not sorted out and I was not particularly enjoying communicating with my girlfriend within such a limited self-induced manner.

When I would be tree planting and I would allow my mind to wonder...my overall skill level would diminish and in many instances I would have a trip and fall or a stumble or bang myself with my shovel....and prolonged involvement within wondering aimlessly within trains of thought would result in me feeling sluggish and being highly unproductive and very inefficient with my time management.

I learned it is much easier and simpler for me to take a breath and forgive the thought and energy that comes up when and as I am introduced to a point that surfaces within my mind...and in doing this, I found that I making the commitment and statement to not allow and enable distractions within and as my physical participation here. What results from this, is, self-enjoyment within and as my physical movement, exercising my potential and the expansion of my full potential, exceptional time management, masterful efficiency, strength, seemingly effortless flow as movement being expressed in perfect harmony here.


So, I ask myself the question now: "If I realize and understand my potential to exist here within and as the awesomeness that I see and realize that I in fact am, why would I ever dare to limit myself from exercising the living of my greatness here?"

To justify in any capacity the withholding of most excellent living potential here is a disgraceful disservice to all of existence here.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have justified the withholding of my most excellent living potential here within and as a result of choosing to divert my attention away from and as my participation in physical reality by engaging in various streams of thought without specific direction and self-correction.

I see, realize and understand how to immediately direct my thoughts as a point of self-responsibility within and as the sounding of self-forgiveness as soon as the thought takes shape within my mind.

I see, realize and understand how thoughts/feelings/emotions are like energetic weather patterns within myself that are kind of like clouds in nature from and as the perspective that when left unattended and without direction and or correction...my mind becomes cloudy and or hazy which results in and as an experience of overwhelmingness where there is such a build up that a storm seems inevitable because there is so much cloud seeding that has taken place....and here also is where the lightning takes place as almost anything and everything within my physical environment then becomes a reality check trigger as like a form of electro shock therapy in terms of wanting to just get away from it all and see anything and everything within my environment from a starting point of blame / cognitive dissonance / justification / abdication of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the severity of self-inflicted impairment/dissonance I create withing myself as a result of abdicating and neglecting my commitment to direct and correct my thoughts/feelings/emotions within every moment of my physical living participation here.

I commit myself to embracing the living of my full potential here.

I commit myself to embracing my awesomeness in all ways awesome.

I commit myself to living exceptionally well.

I commit myself to sounding self-forgiveness and self-corrective applications as my sound here.
\

When and as I see my attention being diverted in thought, taking me out of physical reality, I stop and breathe, grounding myself here and I forgive my thought and I let it go.

When and as I see myself having a conversation where I am not totally present within my participation because I am preoccupied within other thoughts, I stop and breathe, forgive myself and look to see what is best for me to do within and as the starting point of practical living "Self Responsibility"

Day 642 Tree planting chapter 6 - physical enjoyment in the movement, beyond money...but is money...

Tree planting chapter 6 - physical enjoyment in the movement, beyond money...but is money...

Today I had a bit of a special mission type of day where I was required to move around from one area to another area...meaning I had to do a bunch of driving to go to various specific work site locations...now as a result I had less time available to plant than I have had on previous days and also nobody else was faced with these exact circumstance...the point of money came up in regards to my mood and attitude.

What is interesting here...is that I have noticed in the past how I have allowed myself to become emotional at the prospected fear of losing money...losing out on making more money...and what is interesting here...is that becoming emotional is a hindrance on self-movement here. I have noticed many times as I have allowed myself to get caught up in my mind while tree planting...that my effectiveness/concentration/focus./awareness/timing and coordination diminishes...and sometimes I stumble/trip...slow down...and overall become less effective  and efficient in the work I am doing...what is interesting about this here...is that as I allow myself to commit to the actual physical movement of just moving myself without any emotion and or feeling connotations...but just move me as like a sport activity competition...in which I am "willing" myself to excel at my very best potential...I am in fact  operating in a state of flow..."Self-directed flow zone", where I am totally immersed within my physical body...and I am really enjoying the seemingly effortless movement of myself...as like a point of style/grace/elite-performance...and the funny thing here is that I am actually giving my full effort/force for the seemingly effortless look...which is interesting...because I am committing my actions all the way here...and what is interesting also about this point, "in and as the importance of self-movement beyond emotions"...is that,  It is in fact, "money" in and of itself...because...that is true self-expression here...and true self-expression will be rewarded as the fruits of our labor...and from my personal experience within tree planting and also my writing here...is that as I allow myself to trust myself and I commit to directing the "will" within myself to actually move...that I am quite good at achieving fantastic results as a result of and as my self-commitment...self-dedication....and self-discipline..

I see here that this is a very important concept/point/understanding...that our self-movement here determines our reality...especially the state of our affairs/business/relations here.

I mean,

We can look at this at a personal, interpersonal and universal level...you see how your personal life is a result of your movement and participations within yourself as like what you accept and allow yourself to participate within yourself/mind/body/world/words.

 The interpersonal reflects and indicates the extent of our relationships with others that are cultivated and developed through and as our labored participations within them...I say labor...because it is focused work/play...that is seemingly effortless....yet that is because there is a full commitment of focused effort here...and thus our relationships with others...how we interact with others...is a result of how we act with our self here...so there is an interconnection and relation between our personal and interpersonal relationships...which therefore makes it easy to see and realize the extent to which our universal relationships exists here...as our self here in and as the universe...as a point of existence here...as like our sound...I mean who we are as the universe...big picture is a reflection of our personal and interpersonal...I mean it s interesting to see the state of world affairs through and as the eyes of self-realization and self-reflection...meaning that nothing can be separate from me here for real....because I am not really separate from anything here.

So, it is important to stop emotion and feeling as a source of self-movement...because the effectiveness of self-expression and fantastic results is therefore suppressed within and as the body energy output that is generated in feeding and maintaining a particular energetic vibration within the body as the activity is participated within...this is a result of the mindfulness in thought...meaning the  attention and deliberate participation within thoughts...is feeding the physical body stimulation...like there is a mental connection with the physical connection...and the more the mental condition and the thinking is indulged within while trying to excel to the best of one's abilities within a physical activity...the success within that physical activity will be strained and limited by one's own fear/mind/lack of focus and self-discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which I am self-responsible for my physical body self movement here...and that it is me who determines my effectiveness..and the quality of my self-expression as a result of opening myself up to being able and capable of sharing myself as so much more than the limitations of thoughts feelings and emotions.

I see/realize and understand to access and get money...it is in fact effortlessly easy as put in my effort/self-movement,  I allow myself to focus on getting specifically and exactly what I want...however I see and realize the important point here...is that business...and self-expression is not about being emotional...that me as who I  really am...exists way beyond the energetic fear of thought feeling and emotion...and that the crucial ingredient in practical living the process here, is,  self-trust in the self movement here...and the dedication to keep moving..keep focusing...stop discouragement...self-trust...it is all about self-expression here...

What is cool about self-expression here...is that this is "you" sharing with all the "me's" here...and it's all "me"...and it's all "you" here...which means there is a togetherness agreement here....meaning that we share the same truth and trust here...as like this is both of our estate's here...and so when and as one expresses oneself here from within and as a state of flow...as like in the zone...like the physical here zone...which is the place here where and as our sound transference ripples in such a way as like the most awesome assistance and support ever.

Day 591 Self-Satisfaction

Satisfaction is pleasure/gratification/harmony within and as the physical alignment of the fact of the matter here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have self-sabotaged the living of satisfaction as pleasure/gratification/harmony within and as the physical alignment of the truth/fact of the matter here as a constant and consistent movement of and as my physical self-expression here. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I created, perpetuated and expanded the existence of disharmony within myself as a result of accumulating energetic impressions upon my memories.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which it is my urgent self-responsibility to release myself from my self-imprisoned disharmony as a result of the inner conflict that I have created throughout my life as my positive, negative and neutral energy/thought associations as the plethora of reactions that I have had in relationship to and as my participation here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I can in fact live the word satisfaction as a point/tool/life support and assistance in walking the journey to life as the process of self-realization/self-forgiveness/self-corrective application. I realize and understand myself within and as Satisfaction.

When and as I see myself suppressing/self-sabotaging my self-satisfaction here, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand how ridiculously absurd this is, I face the point of self-suppression/self-sabotage, I commit myself to resolving the cognitive dissonance that exists within myself. I commit myself to self-satisfaction within and as the process of self-realization/self-forgiveness/self-correction. I commit myself to self-satisfaction,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for postponing the living of self-satisfaction as what is best for all Life here.

I commit myself to living self-satisfaction as what is best for all Life here.

I commit myself to seeing/understanding/realizing how real physical self-expression exists within and as the self-trust of self-satisfaction here.

I commit myself to the pleasure/gratification/harmony within and as the physical alignment of the truth/fact of the matter here as what is best for all Life here.

Day 525 Story of Making A Decision

I was skiing today for the first time this winter. I was skiing with a bunch of people who wanted to ski all day. I said I was tired...my feet hurt from the new ski boots I bought...initially I was thinking I can't just stop I got to keep moving with what the group wants to do. And after I acknowledged about half way through the day that I had enough skiing and was physically tired and was going to ski back to the chalet which was quite a long way away. A couple other dudes within the big group said they planned to do just 2 more runs and that they would be able to give me a ride back to my buddy's place where I was staying...the buddy I refer to is one of the people in the group who wished to ski all day.

So I said ok in thinking that I could compromise and do 2 runs instead of 1. Interesting that point of making a compromise...like why ever compromise physical well being?

So as I started traversing across the top of this big mountain, I told the 2 dudes who planned to do 2 runs that I was just going to do this one last run and that I would wait for them at the bottom if they want to do 2 runs. It's interesting because they decided that they were fine with doing this one last run.

I see how in some instances there are things that I would like to do within a group participation as like what other members of the group are doing. Like in this particular instance, skiing all day. Within looking at the point, it wasn't practical for me to force myself to participate in that particular manner...that in fact, forcing myself to ski all day so that I am following along with the group could have been quite consequential to my health/physical well being.

What's interesting and I see as cool from this ski story experience of making a decision to support myself regardless of what others peoples decisions are.....was the fact that I wouldn't have been able to do another run effectively...like it was a struggle for me to perform my skills effectively on that last run even....like I had pushed myself so hard physically already...that my muscles were fatigued...and thus  it was making my descent much more challenging than if I were not fatigued.

At the moment I am committed to teach skiing all winter...and well....putting myself in a situation where I have specific physical tasks to perform and my physical stability is compromised is dangerous and reckless......

I see here how I probably should have called it quits a run earlier. I see how I conformed to the group mentality of not wanting to deviate from the group mentality of wanting and desiring to move along with what the group wants to do. 

I see how I resisted making a decision to make a decision that is best for myself within desiring to follow along within the majority group.

I see how  it is crucial that I make decisions from the starting point that is what is best for me and that I do not accept and allow myself to compromise what is best for me within wanting to conform to peer pressure as like not wanting to move away from the group.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the judgement of others saying something about me making a decision to move out of a particular participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to stop participating within activities that others wish to continue participating in, out of fear of being regarded as weak and less skillful within the activity .