important shit

Thursday, 11 August 2016

Day 776 - The Ink in my Thinking as Personified Television


Thinking is something i have given much credence to.  I have placed so much value in thinking that it has been to my own detriment.  I'd like to make a distinction here between 'thinking' and 'looking', where thinking is a sort of random behavior without direction that we give attention to as like thoughts, things just pop up within our mind and as we give attention to it our mind continues to move and build momentum and increase it's activity production output as going deeper and deeper.  Where as 'Looking' is a self directed point of seeing into something that will often stem from a form of questioning. the question may be direct or indirectly asked within oneself as a sort of examination like process within getting to know/investigate a particular point.

For myself, i can see i have very much allowed myself to blur the lines between self-directed 'looking' and 'thinking'....where the looking and the thinking can be very much regarded as the same thing....but also within the mix is the random reactionary thought that i have gotten into the patterned habit of examining, where it's like I stop what i am solely focused on and begin a sort of juggling act by giving a certain amount of attention to this 'new thought application'.  This 'thought application' is like a random virus in the sense that my connection to it is emotional/feeling based where it typical starts off with a very small charge/pulse about it....and i form a specific impression as a 'new thought/feeling-emotion/action-reaction' and from there do a sort of spiral inward into layering the point, where it's like a sort of zap/zing suppression that is kind of like lightening in a bottle in that it is is so intense yet small yet quick, yet powerful.

Fortunately I have the tools to sort out....self-correct such conditioned behavior.

Why would I want to correct such behavior / application within myself?
What's the point?

The point is Specificity and Accountability.  Meaning, to live and create the best version of myself here.

To elaborate,  My expression and ability to perform tasks to the best of my abilities is tainted within allowing myself to be very much 'distracted/possessed' within my own Thinking.

I have seen first hand how much my mobility is limited/halted within allowing myself to drift/wander/watch my thoughts brew about a particular topic.  For example, In tree planting...a job i have done for many years, my ability to move/flow with effortless efficiency is in direct correlation with presence/thoughtlessness of the moment, where i am so committed to my physical movement and am just so here within the expression of me moving, that there is no room for any other activity, nor need.   However...sometimes i would allow myself to be preoccupied with points of thought/ideas while moving/tree-planting...and the longer i allowed myself to focus on the thinking while moving/working, the more my performance suffered as tree-planting effortless efficiency, meaning my ability to plant a tree quickly slowed down...sometimes this slowing down in movement was only a fraction of a second, and sometimes it was more.  Ironically, I was typically more exhausted at the end of a tree-planting day when i had planted fewer trees and thought more.

To be Continued

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