Day 606 Emotional Attachment to Money

Why is it that I have an emotional attachment to Money?

Well, I feel safe and secure when I have lots of money in my bank account. Money provides me with a sense of comfort and security of well being. Have I created a false sense of security within myself that is relative to the amount of money I have? I mean, money is a point of practicality within the word in which we live. Money supports our well being here. I need and require money in order to buy food and be able to pay for a place to live. I need money to survive. So, I see that within this desire to survive/fear of not surviving I have derived comfort within having money to spend. I mean, I like spending money on points of luxury...like being able to travel, have a car, have toys to play with...the money to participate within activities. 

I was just looking at my bank account and calculated some upcoming expenses...and also I was looking at the price of the Canadian dollar in relation to the European dollar and the American dollar....and within doing so, I had some reactions of anger/frustration/irritation/annoyance/blame.

Also, I started questioning my initial plans for the upcoming months...I mean I started looking at things more and more because of the fear of loss...like losing the money that currently sits in my bank account...and within this...kind of fretting within my mind... so very concerned...in a slight state of panic/stress/strain upon myself...feeling uncomfortable within the thoughts that as my bank account shrinks and I move into new business ventures without an initial immediate return of income....what if I don't succeed? I mean, shit, the paranoia attached to my money relationship is a most tragic comedy.

So, 

As, I stabilized myself within taking a breath and realizing I am here, I was able to look with clarity at how I had created such an energetic buildup within myself in relationship to my money. 

Obviously it is not cool that the majority of the people on the planet most likely have some sort of emotional attachment to money.

It is not cool that my emotional attachment to money has been a result of competition mentality mind set as the 'desire to win and the fear of losing'...the epitome of a win/loss relationship. I mean, fuck, that type of relationship mind set sucks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating an emotional attachment to money.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within and as a competitive win/loss relationship with money...where I desire to have more money and I fear loosing all my money.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining my comfort and security in relationship to how much money is in my bank account.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create my existence to exist within and as an emotion/feeling state of energy that is directly related to how much money I have.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having suppressed my practical living creative expression and potential expression within garnering an emotional attachment to money.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating emotional stress/strain upon my physical body within fearing to lose my money and fearing to not have enough money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the money psychology of our shared reality...and how it exists within and as the fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my life potential within stressing/straining myself about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for valuing money more than I value my physical well being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for sacrificing and compromising my physical well being within forming an emotional attachment to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have suppressed my relationship potential with money as a result of fearing to lose money...and desiring to have more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a conflicting relationship with money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have the opportunity to expand my relationship to and as money within letting go of my emotional attachment towards money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I am able to become more intimate within my expression with money as a result of stopping to accept and allow my money movement relationships to be rooted and influenced by fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have the opportunity to develop creative expression with money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from and as the money here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding myself as the point of self-determination in deciding and determining the level of connection I have with money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the money delusion of desire as like the beautiful mirage that is always just a little out of reach.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking myself in and as a result of creating an emotional attachment to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for becoming energetically stimulated by money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have moved through my life within a limited capacity as a result of having an emotional attachment to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having reacted in a spiteful manner to the realization that I have existed within an emotional attachment towards money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful towards myself in trying to rebel against my emotional attachment to money...by deliberately being careless with my money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing my money movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to avoid spending my money as much as possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my money movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having desired to be reckless with my money in hopes that I will get a big reward for taking a big risk.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring big amounts of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing big amounts of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how ridiculously absurd it is to fear money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for treating money as separate from myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having defined money to be my artificial life force.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for restricting/resisting my access to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a relationship with money based upon self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to let go of the desire for more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that the desire for more money is the necessary motivation in order to make receiving more money possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that I do not in fact require to desire having more money in order for me to be one and equal with receiving/inheriting more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking I must be deceptively clever in order to receive more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to give myself more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for running away from more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to avoid the responsibility that comes with having more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the responsibility that comes with having more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which my relationship with money has been ridiculously absurd.

Day 589 Satisfaction Question

I started questioning what is "satisfaction"?

Sat-is-fact-ion.

Sat-is-faction.

Sat-is-f-action.

S-at-is-fact-ion.

S-at-is-faction.

S-at-is-f-action.

S-at-i-s-fact-ion.

S-at-i-s-faction.

S-a-t-i-s-f-act-i-on

S-a-t-i-s-f-act-ion.

Sat-is-f-act-i-on.

S-a-t-i-s-f-a-c-t-i-o-n.

Sa-tis-fa-ction

Sat is past tense of sit. Is is past tense of be. fact is the physical truth here. Ion is an atom or group of atoms.

Sit + be + the physical truth here + an atom or group of atoms = Satisfaction



satisfaction in google dictionary has this to say:

noun

noun: satisfaction; plural noun: satisfactions

1. 1.

   fulfillment of one's wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this.

   "he smiled with satisfaction"

   synonyms:

   contentment, pleasure, gratification, fulfillment, enjoyment, happiness,pride;  smugness, self-satisfaction, complacency "he derived great satisfaction from his work" fulfillment, gratification; appeasement, assuaging "the satisfaction of consumer needs"

   • LAW

     the payment of a debt or fulfillment of an obligation or claim.

     "in full and final satisfaction of the claim"

     synonyms:

     compensation, recompense, redress, reparation, restitution,repayment, payment, settlement, reimbursement, indemnification,indemnity More

   • what is felt to be owed or due to one, esp. in reparation of an injustice or wrong.

     "the work will come to a halt if the electricity and telephone people don't get satisfaction"
   • CHRISTIAN THEOLOGY

     Christ's atonement for sin.
   • historical

     the opportunity to defend one's honor in a duel.

     "I demand the satisfaction of a gentleman"

Origin

Middle English: from Old French, or from Latin satisfactio(n-), from satisfacere ‘satisfy, content’ (see satisfy). The earliest recorded use referred to the last part of religious penance after “contrition” and “confession”: this involved fulfillment of the observance required by the confessor, in contrast with the current meaning ‘fulfillment of one's own expectations.’

To be Continued

Day 579 The Question in Hearing and Seeing What is Here

It's interesting and shameful to see my relationship to and as what I hear within a moment. Why? Because I've noticed that in certain moments what I hear resonates so painfully clear with what I have accepted and allowedwithin myself. What's interesting to see within these particular moments of hearing here is that there is a point of profound self-reflection and the opportunity to assist and support that unfortunately gets misdirected within taking offense/defense to what I here...where the point of my self-reflection and self-introspection gets lost within and as my self-judgment as how I have defined what is here as separate from myself...and within this point of accepted and allowed separation, I see and realize that I react within the various realm of self-judgement, because it is as I define a point separate from myself and believe another to be separate from me that there real shame perpetuates because it's a point of hiding within myself where I want to focus on controlling another through the realms of my own self-righteous judgment where I have defined me as right and another as wrong and within this the point of seeing and communicating I am at a cross roads of sort...an accepted and allowed conflict...because what I hear here always exists within me...because if we regard the point of relativity and the point of how I hear as a reflection of my ability to process within myself...what I always here is therefore a reflection of me here.

So what I am starting to realize and understand is the unfortunate chain reaction that happens from time to time as the perpetuated play out in the interpretation of self-defining-judgment within and as how I hear here. 

I have been continuously given tremendous support from children with who I am grateful for the opportunity to work with on a daily basis teaching skiing.

I teach a particular child once a week for many consecutive weeks and this particular child reflects the points that I have attempted to hide from myself and what is interesting about this...is that I've resisted to investigate the extensiveness to which this child reflects points that exist within myself. So much so, that in many moments I would simply try to ignore the sounds coming from this particular child, because I was trying to protect myself from facing the points of self-correction within myself that are most unfortunate...and in this way...I see and realize my minds tendency within my self-created auto defense systems as a way to prevent me from really facing the roots of a point within total self-reflection...

So this particular child so clearly embodies the point of stimulation for self-satisfaction and is quite effective in directing/orchestrating his own personal self-stimulation and amusement as his constant continuous motion without particular regard for how his desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around him.

To Be Continued

Day 564 The Decision to Self-Investigate

Art by Andrew Gable


There is in fact only the real decision to self-investigate. You either do it or you don't. Doing the self-investigative work is the result of making a decision to do it and practically living that decision. 

To do anything well is a decision.

It's when we accept and allow doubt/fear to interfere with our decision making process that we compromise our capabilities to expand our practical living abilities to do what is best for Life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the fear within myself and the accepted and allowed doubt to be a reasoned/justified/excuse for fear within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the simplicity in making a decision and moving myself within and as the decision to move myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the learning process involved within and as the self-expansion of increasing my personal abilities as a result of realizing and understanding the greater potential of capabilities that exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding have I have blocked myself access from reaching my full potential of capabilities within subscribing to inner-turmoil within myself as like the accepted and allowed conflict I am trying to make peace with.I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the point of trying to resolve conflict within myself is a point of shameful disgrace because within this very acceptance and allowance there is in fact an absence/doubt of self-trust...it's like enabling a battle to ensue. Lacking/doubting self-trust is unacceptable behaviour and is a total disservice and point of self-sabotage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shameful disgrace within the very acceptance and allowance of trying to resolve conflict within myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ruled and controlled by the uncertainty of doubt within and as my abilities/capabilities to self-direct effective conflict resolutions within and as the self-realization here of myself as one and equal as the question/answer/solution Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have strained my physicality as a result of accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief of "trying" to do things without committing myself fully to doing the things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the backdoor excuse within the point of committing to trying something without fully committing to completing the point. I see and realize the life force essence of and as when there is a will there is a way...as our will is our seed that grows like a tree that branches out in support which is rooted in foundation platforms of support based upon sound principles to assist/facilitate the process commitment that will unfold/blossom within and as the physical action commitment to do the work required to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the self-compromising point of making excuses before I begin a task by accepting and allowing the attitude, "I will try to get the task completed".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a point of quitting and giving up to exist within myself as a justifiable/logically reasoned belief that can be validated within myself as a result of "trying" something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that, "as long as you try that's all that matters"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for correlating trying to a point dependent upon emotion/feeling reaction to doing something...as like a judgement assessment belief to validate whether I want to keep at the task at hand or not based upon my feeling and or emotions that have been connected to the physical task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating excuses and limitations upon my physical performance within particular tasks before I even get started within the tasks. I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the weakness of character within "trying to commit to something" as like being a total shameful disgrace to going all the way and making the decision to make the point work as getting the job/task done no matter what...as like failure is not an option...the point will be completed/resolved. I realize and understand that my will is my way in which I am able and capable to effectively and efficiently do things.

To be Continued

Day 467 Self-Honesty, The Point of Daring to Be Different

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for compromising self-honesty within moments of fearing to be different.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself within compromising my practical living expression within moments of fearing to express myself, as like fearing to be regarded as different by not accepting and allowing myself to judge myself or others within speaking, as like not fearing what others may think/judge of me in moments of expressed words from and as the starting point self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to live self-honesty in every moment from the perspective that speaking up about issues leads to conflict brought towards me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing conflicting and difficult situations within expressing myself vocally without conditions of compromising judgments/fears of consequence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for just wanting to blend in within situations and not make a scene as a being who is standing up and acknowledging the problems that exist within particular situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pitying myself and others feelings and emotions, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for compromising the living of self-honesty as what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for protecting self-dishonesty/self deception within not questioning self-dishonesty in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the labor involved within investigating the questions of self-dishonesty in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to lose opinions as judgements that others hold of me within high regard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for bullshitting myself within fearing to lose opinionated judgments that other beings hold onto as their perception of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for tailoring my behavior and actions to be in accordance with the opinions and feelings people project upon me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting my self-expression within fearing to be regarded as brutally offensive within unconditionally expressing myself from within and as the starting point of self-honesty as the realisation of all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a victim of my environment as self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for convincing myself to participate within and as self-deception.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself neglecting question self-honesty in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to question self-dishonesty in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to question who and how I am in every moment here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act out acceptances and allowances without questioning my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be bold in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be daring in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be programmed within and as self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting re-program myself in every moment as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for waiting and delaying to program myself as self-honesty in all-ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing having righteous ideas about self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having thoughts of vengeance and retribution within being self-honest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making self-honesty to be a fight against self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for polarizing self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting to positive feelings to self-honesty and negative emotions to self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing myself to be separate from self-dishonesty.

I commit myself to establishing myself as the epitome of self-honesty.

When and as I see myself resisting to express myself within and as self-honesty as who and how I am as the realising and understanding as Life as all as one as equal, I stop and breathe, I direct myself expression within and and as self-trust, I dare myself to express myself, I realise that holding myself back from daring to express myself from and as the starting point of equality and oneness is ridiculously absurd.

Day 445 Seeing What's Here

I had an interesting dream last night where I was at a friend's place and I discovered a hidden room...like this whole area within the house that I had never seen before.  I was marveling about the area and was really quite pleased with discovering the area...and the cupboard closets were filled with goodies, like everything I could want...the words lucky charms come to mine as I think I recall there being lucky charms cereal and that was a really big deal to me...it's funny as I look at the word cereal, I sound out, "see real". What's also interesting about this dream is that after moments of marveling, I asked myself how I could have missed knowing about this space...and so I further examined the area re-tracing my steps to the back entrance and then I had an aha moment as it was like oh ya, well that's obvious that the stairs at the back of the kitchen also lead upstairs...I saw and realised how I had forgotten about this space in the house as a result of having neglected going up those stairs in the back of the house...how I had just avoided them...

This dream reveals to me the point of investigating that which I avoid doing/going where I resist going....and within this, the point that everything is here and how much access I have to see what is here is entirely up to me...as like whether or not I am willing myself to investigate the totality of here...as like all of myself...and the point of not just settling with less than a full investigation of reality here so that I can see for real...as like this is the self-investigative process...and the process is difficult from the perspective that one has to be constantly pushing ones own comfort zone as like the cure/prevention mechanism that insures there is no compromising settlements within one's process...as like giving up is not an option and there is no plea bargains so to speak...as only the best work/investigation/commitment is acceptable.


To be Continued....