Day 730 - Coming Out of Retirement

I can recall on more than one occasion, declaring that I was taking an early retirement. The idea of an early retirement is something I was looking into at the end of my teenage years and the beginning of my twenties. My attitude was that I am ready to commit to full time leisurely pursuits. The consideration was that perhaps I would not make it to old age or that I would be less mobile, less flexible, less capable or less able bodied. From my perspective, I was of the notion that I should give as much time to myself now as possible....even if I have to pay for it later....that giving myself tremendous amounts of time now, would pay dividends later...as like actually gifting myself with the privilege to slow down and seize the day.  This was regarded as somewhat of a radical notion because all my peers were looking to position themselves into life long careers so that they had the potential to secure their retirements.  I also figured that I could have a retirement now...and perhaps I could still have one later. I mean, initially I kind of regarded that my adulthood would be a lifelong retirement of sorts and that it would be focused on  my individual self-interests in the now of consciousness...without real longtime planning from the perspective and principle of Be Here Now.

Well, it's been perhaps just over a decade since i first declared myself taking an early retirement.

There's been many times throughout this past decade where i forgot that I had many times declared and wished for myself an early retirement and within this not really considered the fabric of my wishes. My immediate regards were that of fulfilling my immediate and moment to moment desires. a lot of very treats from the day to day and month to month retirement living management.

What also appealed to me about this approach is not really having wanted to get serious about long term planning...committing to any long term plan.

I would say also within this was the concern that I would have to give up my childhood for adulthood.  My thinking was that I will carry my childhood into adulthood and I will take the senior approach very childishly...from the perspective that I will skip the typical young adult middle age mentality and go right for retirement kind of living....from the perspective of my focus being on the shortsightedness of daily pleasures and leisurely pursuits.  My thinking about recreation was that perhaps I will want to play more now then when I am older...maybe I wont want to play so much when I am really old...and then I would rather focus on work....because from my perspective old people don't seem all that playful...I mean sure there's a lot of them that are cheerful and good spirited but they also kind of sit around a lot...and isn't there a lot of young people in jobs where they sit around a lot....wouldn't it be better to take a sit around type of job when I am old...

I also have had the attitude that I have a Golden Ticket.

I remember this steady girlfriend I had for some years and she was finishing her schooling up and was prepared to get into career mode and begin a family.,..and at that time I was not at all interested in that approach for myself..I was in full out retirement mode...thinking that my living leisurely as my recreational pursuits were my investments for my future and that I have a  Golden Ticket that I can cash in when I so desire....and the thing about my thinking was that my golden Ticket has so much potential like the realization within myself that I can in fact do what ever I want....like I am the will and the way and so realizing this is like a wow realization because it is a point of self-comfort within and as self-empowerment. At the same time...there can be almost an urgency within self that comes up as like wanting to make something happen because potential exists...and at the same time a hesitance of not wanting to rush things....kind of a indecision between getting going and postponing....

A realization that has become clear to me is that Yes, Indeed I do have a Golden Ticket and this Golden Ticket is in fact my Potential Here...and the thing is...I Require to Use My Golden Ticket...and I cannot just save it away and avoid it for a long time later.....that is foolish....My Golden Ticket has the Most Value Now...and The Value Of My Golden Ticket Gets More Valuable every day I Exercise it....like a card I got to pay/play with as the decisions I make.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how the wishes and declarations I make for myself shape my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to take on long term planning as point of self-directed commitment and responsibility I bring into fruition

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that typically people fall apart when they get old.


To Be Continued

Day 588 Personal Self-Interest?

"Do I fear letting go of my personal self-interest?"


Within looking at this question I see there are words I must investigate more in order to have a well rounded response/answer/solution here.

The words I am looking at here are "personal", "self" and "interest".

In looking at the words "personal self-interest", I ask myself, "is there any other kind of self-interest?" Can Self-interest exist beyond personal self-interest...or can Personal Self-Interest be expanded by enabling and harmonizing Personal Self-Interest to work congruently with Interpersonal and Universal Self-Interest?

Why have I primarily only regarded Self-Interest to exist on a personal level? Do I see and realize the disharmony that results from neglecting to simultaneously regard Self-Interest on a Personal/Interpersonal/Universal level?

Can Self-Interest exist and be aligned in and as personal/Interpersonal/Universal physical embodiment of what is best for all Life?

I'm questioning the outflow of my past behaviours from the starting point of neglecting to regard and consider Interpersonal Self-Interest and Universal Self-Interest...and how Personal Self-interest took precedence over the others.... the consequence of such an outlook participation is interesting because when the starting point of me/self is separation/private than the public good(s) is harmed in the process because of and as an unfortunate chain reaction... started from a place of dissonance...so this dissonance resonates throughout existence as my contribution/participation within and as our shared existence here.

Now, what I am noticing here is that it is important to get out of the singularity mentality as the either or of things...like one or the other...because we are in fact multi dimensional beings...and so there are always many facets/dimensions to see.

To be Continued

572 Self-Interest Corrective Alignment

When and as I see myself resisting to question myself-interests, I stop and breathe, I question myself-interests, I realize the fact that there is insight to be garnered within questioning myself-interests here. I realize and understand why a hesitance as a form of resistance exists with specific regards to questioning myself-interests...because if I in fact question myself-interests here, I will in fact open up the opportunity for myself to see my conditioned programmed reality as how I have self-defined myself here. I realize and understand within daring to look at my acceptances and allowances here, the opportunity exists for me to take self-responsibility for my acceptances and allowances by removing all acceptances and allowances that are not totally awesome. I realize and understand my the pre-programmed nature of my mind/ego is to self-destruct my physicality...and therefore the point of revenge of the ego exists within my base programming as like a self-automated defense mechanisms to impulse/stimulate me within my mind to resist going there within my mind to actually see what it is I am perpetuating within myself that is totally and completely ridiculously absurd. I realize and understand how the nature of my mind consciousness system is to be motivated and moved by stimulation/fear/energy as like a particular buzz/shock/stress/strain induced upon my physicality...as like a cracking the whip upon myself as like a mind/body master/slave relationship. I realize and understand my self-commitment in equalizing my mind/body relationship here. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of existing within a master/slave relationship as the mind to the body. I commit myself to stopping the inequality within and as my mind/bodyrelationship here. I commit myself to asking myself the difficult questions that directly challenge my programmed conditioned nature. I commit myself to utilizing resistance as an indicator to see where I am required to investigate/explore more.

When and as I see myself trying to over simplify the intricate complexity of my mind, I stop and breathe, I face the intricate complexity of my mind by utilizing the process of simplicity by working/looking at one point at atime and within this accumulating the points as like doing the basic mathematical accounting in counting each point and seeing the various connections that are formed and related as a result of the plethora of acceptances and allowances within myself. I realize and understand the practicality in keeping things simplistic within working with information by having a basic structured approach/methodology as how to systematically walk/work through point one by one until I am done. I commit myself to a basic simplistic approach/methodology in walking/working through my mind of acceptances and allowances one by one until I am done. I commit myself to stop trying to over simplify things as like a point of trying to create a shortcut within and as the desire to avoid/fear doing the labor within totally understanding the intricate complexity of my mind. I commit myself to practical living basic simplicity within as myself expression here. I commit myself to simplicity in design. I commit myself to Life simplicity.

When and as I see myself desiring/seeking out stimulation/entertainment/distraction, I stop and breathe, I question why I am looking to be stimulated/entertained/distracted, I investigate the full extent of my question, I look to see what I am resisting, I face my accepted and allowed resistance, I make the decision to no longer accept and allow the point of resistance within myself, I realize and understand myself responsibility as self-directive decision maker here, I realize and understand the point of self-determination/self-will within and as the self-responsibility and self-accountability of practically living self-directive decision making here. I commit myself to the self-responsibility and self-accountability within and as the practical living self-directive decision making process here. I realize and understand my self-governance as the law/rules of my being here is stemmed and rooted in my effective efficiency and ability to practically live self-directive decisions. I commit myself to practically living self-directive decisions that are in alignment with and as the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all Life here. I realize and understand that what is best for all Life here starts with what is best for myself here. I realize and understand my decision to align myself as what is best for all Life here. I commit myself to becoming what is best for all Life here. I commit myself to giving myself what I would like to receive. 

When and as I see myself fearing to let go of my impulsed desires, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the principle of what is best for all Life takes precedent over my impulsed desires, I realize and understand I have made the decision to give myself the best Life support and assistance and that this is a labor intensive self-directive decision that requires relentless continuous constant and consistent participation as my self-disciplined routine of the simplicity of one breath at a time. I commit myself to stepping out of mind reliance mental reality and into practical living physical reality participation. I commit myself to establishing a practical living self-disciplined creative structural approach for the birthing process of myself here as Life.

Day 565 Decision to Self-Investigate Self-Interest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having polarized ideas about 'self-interest'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared to meticulously examine/investigate my self-defined self-interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for associating 'self-interests' with individuality and self-expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a cognitive dissonance to exist in relationship to the word 'self'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my perception is skewed and distorted within the belief and acceptances and allowances of different individual self-interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a hard time to see a collective self-interest here...as like this One Life Here in which we are all a part of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being defensive in wanting to protect and defend and keep myself occupied within my individual character persona defined self-interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to keep investigating the question what will I do and how will I exist if I let go of my individual self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting individual self-interests to my personal entertainment/desired stimulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to my established preferred forms of personal entertainment/desired stimulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to see how I can expand my potential influence here within our shared physical reality by letting go of personal entertainment/desired stimulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting my personal satisfaction and happiness to be dependent upon having the ability to exercise at my leisure the various forms of personal entertainment/desired stimulation that I have a my disposal. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to resist seeing that if I let go of the illusion/veil of ignorance that I myself am separate from all Life here...that I can begin to recreate myself here within and as the understanding of myself as Life as Equality and Oneness and therefore I would move out of the arena of free choice and the ability to choose to focus my attention on gratifying particular preferred methods of stimulation/entertainment. I realize and understand the point of personal self-responsibility that exist within myself to stand in and as support for all Life here. I realize and understand focusing my attention on having particular desired experiences doesn't really take into account my personal self-responsibility to all Life here. I realize and understand it is extremely selfish for me to focus my the starting point of my Life on the individual pursuit of having as many positive stimulating experiences as possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for associating the relationship with self-interest to be based upon generated particular positive energetically stimulated experiences within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to be numb within the desire to be stimulated constantly with a positive energetic charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding the consequences of focusing my attention upon indulging within my individual defined self-interests based upon the point of stimulating me in a positive manner of enjoyment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled and regulated by positive energetic stimulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have built up a dependency upon existing within the focal point of having my particularly preferred forms of external stimulation as to induce my personal experience of comfort and relaxation without regard for the consequences of my participations because the positive feeling experience I illicit within my indulgences dehydrates me and makes me thirsty for more in like a never ending pursuit of trying to quench my thirst/appetite within my addiction to positive energetic stimulation that perpetuates the pattern of self-destruction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being reluctant to see how I can in fact step out of the behaviour patterned program of self-destruction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my individual pursuit of self-interested indulgences/entertainment has perpetuated the behaviour patterned program of self-destruction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to lose the individual pursuit of desired forms of stimulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have perpetuated the pursuit of desired stimulation through and as the fear of loss...as like the fearing to miss out on a particular opportunity. I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within the fear of loss...as like the loss that is accelerated indefinitely through the perpetuation and and starting point roots of fearing to loss. I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I have programmed myself to lose as a result of being/becoming the very embodiment of what I fear. I realize and understand my abilities and capabilities to reverse engineer the win/loss relationship which is rooted in and as the fear of loss...to a relationship agreement rooted in and as win/win relationship of life and death...where Life and death no more have to be polarized within and as a win and a loss. I realize and understand the fear of death as like the ultimate loss is ridiculously absurd.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I can become lost within death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for regarding death as the ultimate loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a polarized relationship association with Life and Death. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for regarding Life as positive and Death as Negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I programmed a veil of ignorance within my perception within the belief conditioning that death is bad and Life is good. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for polarizing existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how self-interest is less than what is the best interests of all Life here when and as one exist within the mind frame of polarity based energetic relationship associations with a spectrum of judgement of Life value. I realize and understand the disharmony that is created within and as the result of existing within a skewed value scale of personalized self-interest were some aspects of Life are given VIP status and some aspects of Life are regarded with a diminished less than value. I realize and understand the insanity of disregarding the Equality and Oneness of All Life Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to investigate the self-defined values I have given to the various points of self-interest that exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame in neglecting to take self-responsibility for the skewed energetic valued relationships I have accepted and allowed to remain hidden from self-responsibility and self-accountability within and as the process of purifying my being here as Equal and One with All Life Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to stop fearing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having become dependent upon stimulating an energetic experience through the perpetually accepted and allowed fear/conflict/friction that exists within myself as a result of choosing to be polarized within indecision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the change that is possible within myself as a result of dropping my focus attention of pursuits of individual pursuits of self-interest to practical living solutions that are best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for subscribing to the belief and idea that what is best for all Life is me pursuing my individual desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to see the consequence that exists within the designed nature of our shared reality as a resulting pursuit of self-interested desires at the expense of another losing their self-interested desires because of the polarized relationship of one winning at the expense of another losing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been apathetic to the co-existence of all Life here within and as the perfect harmony of individual self-expression as what is best for all Life here because within and as the consideration of what is best for all Life here, each individual benefits and prospers exponentially because of the massive compounding interest of sharing the same valuation of Life as being of the highest/greatest value.

Day 559 Practical Living Beyond Pursuit of Desire

I had some judgement come up within my mind today about why I am not further pursuing desires that are readily available to me. 

At the moment I am living in a world class ski resort community and I am fortunate in having a job that is a lot of fun. My job is skiing, specifically teaching people how to ski. I've been teaching 5 or 6 days a week. This week I had 2 days off from work...and the initial impulse is that I should go skiing...because that is what the majority of people do when they are not teaching...they just ski for themselves in their spare time. I've committed myself to working on other various projects, and within self-honesty I see that it is best if I take some time away from the ski hill. Taking the time away from the ski hill has got my backchat going in my mind as like questioning and doubting myself for taking the time to work on other things that go beyond the leisurely pursuits of skiing. It's funny how shit has come up in my mind to kind of justifying that I should capitalize on more skiing opportunities because it's instantly available to me without any monetary costs. The point comes up...why wouldn't I ski all day everyday if I am able and capable to. I see how this point justifies living in the pursuit of fulfilling desires when a person has the means and the opportunity to do so. I see and realize how there is much work to be done in sorting out our shared reality for the betterment of all Life here. I see and realize how if I do not discipline myself within and as the self-responsibility to committing myself to push myself within labored pursuits that support myself and all life here...than I am just wasting my time and disregarding what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having thought of justification within regards to focusing on desire and playing around within entertainment/recreation because I have basically unlimited access.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding myself responsibility within standing here as an example/question/answer/solution as what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having considered self imposed restraints upon increasing extra curricular activities that are in alignment with what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tempted by desire to spend my free time skiing. I realize and understand that I am fortunate to be earning my wages working in a way that is fun and encourages myselfexpression here and that this gives me opportunity to immerse myself in further developing myself expression in other labored pursuits that would be to the benefit of all Life here...like for example working on my Desteni I Process Assignments, Doing Research for the Equal Life Foundation to support the development and growth of the Living Income Guaranteed, Blogging, Vlogging, Assisting and supporting the sharing of blogs and vlogs of other Destonians, watching and reading vlogs and blogs of fellow Destonians, Taking the time to give myself the support of listening to Eqafe Interviews, working on my Stand-Up Comedy and making the necessary preparations/plans so I can be effective and efficient in my business/entrepreneurial pursuits. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame within having chosen so many times in the past to neglect moving from within the starting point of what is best for all Life..as like choosing to chase after desire/entertainment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to be as disciplined as possible with my time here so that If I die at any given moment I have no regrets that I was not wasting even a second of my time lost within my mind in the pursuit of self-interest indulgences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for burdening myself with the shame and regret that exists within me as a result of seeing and realizing how much time has already been squandered within and as my participations within our shared reality here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being neglectful/wasteful/abusive of all Life here within choosing to spend my time focused on my individual desires as much as possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding what a travesty to Life it is to spend the majority of one's time in the pursuit of self-interested indulgences/desires when there is so much injustice/suffering/abuse existent within our shared reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having existed within the mind set that as long as I care a little bit and want the problems of the world system to be corrected, that that is in fact enough and I can then be justified and validated according to my logical self-manipulation that I am doing enough to manifest practical living changes that are best for all Life Here. I realize and understand the shameful regret within believing that someone else will take self-responsibility for our shared reality when I have the opportunity to practically live this and I have moment where I resist and neglect moving myself as much as I am physically able and capable of doing so. I realize and understand I have this one Life here to do as much as I am physically able and capable of doing to assist and support the development of earth becoming a place of support for all Life here. I realize and understand myself responsibilities within the world system in and as the standing as the question/the answer/and the solution.

I commit myself to doing everything within my abilities and my capabilities to assist and support Life in all ways that are best for all Life here.

I commit myself to dedicating this one Life here to the labored work required in manifesting Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to give up the preference for focusing on the pursuit of my every individual desire.

I commit myself to practical living what is best for Life.

I commit myself to the self-honesty required in standing as what is best for all Life Here.

I commit myself to moving as effectively and efficiently as possible in the Desteni I Process Pro.

I commit myself to blogging the 7 Year Journey to Life Daily.

I commit myself to Vlogging as a point of self-support within sharing common sense and practical living solutions that are best for all Life here.

I commit myself to living the communication of words as like seeds of awareness that will grow throughout existence in and as physical-expressions that support and assist what is best for Life.

I commit myself to realizing and understanding the communication of words as like the living unity of of and as the Common Sense Come on Life Community Assistance and Support that is Always Best.

I commit myself to standing alone as all one and together with each being here standing alone as we all share this one Life here.

I commit myself to developing and enhancing my creativity in and as my abilities/capabilities to physically express myself here and to speak the message of Oneness and Equality.

I commit myself to using Stand Up Comedy as Vehicle of assistance and support in exposing the tragic comedy that exists here as a result of and as our acceptances and allowance as humanity. Within this, I commit myself to providing self-direction as answers and solutions to effectively self-correcting the situations that exist within our shared reality.

I commit myself to working together with and as Life Here within self-solidarity, self-responsibility and self-accountability of and as what is best for all Life Here.

I commit myself to assisting and supporting the purification and effective implementation of Vocabulary as the Living Words/Seeds of Life which facilitates and enables the expansion of physical self-expression here as that which is always best.

I commit myself to walking as part of the Desteni Group.

I commit myself to the self-honesty and self-trust within seeing/realizing/understanding how to practically walk the 7 year Journey to Life and Birth Myself as Life born from within and as physicality Here.