Day 769 - Exploring the Word "Lame"

 


I have a little bit of a negative tinge towards the word "Lame" as like arghh, ahhh,, fuck, god damn, not cool, cannot look, must look away, beyond embarrassing, uncomfortable....and, unfathomable to continuously think about.

So, that is what comes to mind in relationship to the word Lame.

I was investigating the word Lame recently and had made a general concerted effort to remove the negative energetic charges I had been holding onto in regards to Lame.  I missed these points....ironically enough, it's like i got caught in my own lameness and didnt want to look at my Lame acceptances and allowances. LOL. ridiculous indeed.  I appreciate a good laugh at myself, so I see the points here and I direct.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a negative tinge like reaction to the word lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for superimposing words upon myself with energetic charges.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the tragic and ironic comedy within my relationship towards the word Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within a negative tinge like reaction, regard Lame as: arghh, ahhh, fuck, god damn, not cool, cannot look, must look away, beyond embarrassing, uncomfortable, and unfathomable to continuously look/think about.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how points can be missed as a sort of self-sabotage within deliberately being vague/overly-general about the investigation into a word relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how Irony can be a rather specific tool for investigating words, where you can use the word Irony as a sort of cross reference where you have a look to see if you are being ironically stuck within the very word you are making a concerted effort to investigate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how cool a tool Irony is within investigating words as like a fun and funny play to aid in and as the word investigation/exploration.


To Be Continued

Day 756 - Blogging/Vlogging Consistency FuckUp

 


Consistency is so much so a constancy point as something that is always here as a result of certain regularity if you will....like clock work kind of thing in the scheduling...the point re-occurrs...resurfaces and is here again and again and again...I mean hey, look at breathing that is a cool point and example of regularity of continuous constant happening...but even within the act of breathing in....there is the stop in the breathing out...as like you are going one way before you go the other way...and there's the in between also...as like the transitional pivot and pause like moment which can be described as a sort of hold in the moment where you catch yourself in the pivot/transition and sort of look before immersing fully in the movement...the pivot/transition/hold in the breath is the stop so to speak...kind of thing.

Where am I going with what I am saying?

I am talking about the point of regularity in action and specifically relating to the point of my blogging and vlogging. 

I have showed myself how to blog/vlog with great regularity....and i have also showed myself how to blog with great irregularity.

The irony of course is that both these points are so much so the same. The same difference if you will. The will to do...or The will to do something else...or perhaps...The will to do not...Either way there is a Doing'ness Will at Play here...and We either make the decision to Do or to Knot the Do....because, because, because...and the reasoning and justification is profoundly specific and unspecific at times as a result of the reluctance to really check and cross reference the questioning of oneself and the capability of self-response ability that is possible. 

Again the irony here.....where there is a Will there is a way....a way to do...and a way to do not....the donut of do knot...i mean do not...as like the reason.  What's so interesting I am seeing here about Reason...is the mind point interpretation here of time and willingness....from the perspective that i have participated within the various degrees of reasoning as 'to do' or 'not to do' either way a sort of do at play/work here within the specifity of my choice decisions...and it's this sort of choice that I have allowed to exist as a way for me to exercise a way out kind of thing...as a way to get out of a responsibility that i rather do very much enjoy...And within this I have shown myself that I do have the capability and ability to make a point of writting/blogging/vlogging as a daily point..even when the schedule is so very full....even when I was living in a bush camp working 14-15 hour days...I was able to manage the point of writing...granted within the bush camp scenario my uploading blogs was more labor intensive as i didnt have a direct line to the internet, which resulted in me requiring to post many blogs at one go when i went into town...or because i had written on paper and i moved the words from paper to online format.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating reasons as knots in my capacity to do something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the conflict that is so much so at the center of my reasoning within and as the choice this way or that a way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get into polarizing points of action within myself from the perspective of being at a sort of war within and as the rat race of winning/losing based on how I am feeling/experiencing myself within and as a moment of reaction/reasoning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize the word Reason for less than greatness in action.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I can utilize Reason as a complimentary aid/tool in and as the creation of greatness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the scope of creativity that is possible within and as words when I in fact remove the conflict from and as the words as the accepted and allowed dissonance that prevent the seeing the whole realm of possibilities as ways in which to move/live as the word here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for becoming slack within the point of responsibility in sharing myself in writing and vlogging as I walk my process journey to life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding back my capacity to give myself  the best responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a sort of dissonance towards my blogging/vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for validating reasons as to why I cannot vlog/blog with great consistency/regularity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I created the net of my knot in which i trapped myself wihtin and as my own intent as the reasoning of and as my course of actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to be creative in making the time and space to utilze a few moment here and few moment there throughout my day to capture a point of sharing as a sort of highlight in my blogging/vlogging to mark down in and as my process journey here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how extensively so, I am capable of producing great results.

When and as I see myself faced the choice of to blog or not to blog....and I see myself going into an emotion/feeling about the matter as like whether i want to do or not do, from the perspective of the energetic experience within mye....I stop and breathe...I look and see if the opportunity and time is in fact here for me to practically move the point...and if it is, I do....and if it is not...I do not....and either way i continue within and as the momentum of my moment to moment management as the best participations of  myself here.

I commit myself to reestablishing great consistency and constancy in my blogging and vlogging.

I commit myself to to stand as an example of how to live the point of blogging and vlogging as a daily enjoyment that is in fact a profound assistance and support for myself and others as a sharing that is worth and is for giving :)

I commit myself to be creative in making space and time for blogging and vlogging and I realize I can do this with a sort of effortless ease as I have already shown myself to be capable and able.

I commit myself to living the best of myself here.

Day 516 That ain't Cool

"The point came up today where I was saying that the world isn't very cool. Like there needs to be more coolness. I was saying how politicians and celebrities aren't cool at all, the education system isn't cool, war isn't cool, poverty/abuse/suffering isn't cool, pop culture isn't cool, societal norms aren't cool, commercials aren't cool....I went on to say I got to take self-responsibility for cool....because seriously things are not cool...like there's so much stuff that isn't cool. I was talking to family members about this point...and I kind of jokingly said I'm going to appoint myself the ambassador of cool...and then I started getting reactions from people saying that I got to be appointed by other people in order to be the ambassador...that I can't just declare myself it....that there is not validity to my claim if others are not validating my claim. I said, I  take self-responsibility as the presentation and embodiment of cool. I see it as a point of individual self-responsibility and self-trust. A self-agreement as commitment to the expression of what is best for all Life."

"The point of discussion veered towards seriousness as like seriousness being separated from cool...like the opposite of seriously cool...like seriousness became a point of uncool....where if you want to be taken seriously, you can't be cool...." (Day 507 Branding and Marketing)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that myself as a reflection of the world isn't very cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I must submit myself to my shared environment as uncool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming myself and others for not being cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting frustrated with the lack of cool within myself/humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring a cool world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that if I don't desire a cool shared reality that a cool shared reality cannot become an actuality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to believe that I'm all cool and that it's just all this separated shit here that is not cool, like that there's just a major majority of people that are uncool and thus I am suppressed as a result of being a part of a small minority of cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that uncool can trump cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to see all the bullshit that exists within myself that is not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for liking to take on the cool character as like ya I'm all cool, I ain't responsible for everything that is uncool, that ain't my fault that's all the other uncool people's fault.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making myself within my mind to be Mr. Almighty Cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for for desiring to tell people how uncool they are and how much cool I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that cool doesn't influence the uncool but uncool influences the cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for self-victimizing myself within this world as like accepting and allowing myself to be suppressed and hindered and just like totally indoctrinated with uncool propaganda and education that supports all that is not cool here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring the uncool to tell me I am cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring cool status within an uncool harsh reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for concerning myself with matters that are not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing in reverse of what is cool in an attempt to be cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring somebody else to come along that is just so cool and rally up awareness around what is cool here...like sprinkling the cool pixie dust onto everyone with their words as like creating some sorta abra kadabra presto open sesame they we have it cool manifested as factual physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to taking offense to that which is not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to taking the first step to directing that which is not cool by accepting myself here as that which is not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto me as an individual ego persona of superiority that would totally die and cease to exist if I stepped down of my self appointed thrown of righteous coolness and actual took self-responsibility for everything that is not cool within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to hold onto this heir of self-entitlement elitist status that connects and relates to the idea of myself as cooler than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making reality out to be like the cool competition where there is only one almighty champion and then it's just derivative, just classes of loser and losing as like the closest finisher to me the champion is just the first one to be proclaimed the loser as I am the winner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is wrong to appoint oneself as cool here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking like how dare I think that I can just say I am the example of cool and that if you don't agree with me well that's just because you don't get it yet and your really not that cool, because if you get what I was saying you would be like ya your right it's fucking obvious were all the embodiment of cool here...and it's up to each of us to reclaim our status as cool which can only be done through the process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective applications...because that is the epitome of self-responsibility here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for expecting there to be some sort of programming manual for me to copy so that I can not worry and fear that I am fucking shit up right and then I don't really have to make any in the moment real time decisions, I just can believe myself to be great within and as the religion of self worship based upon subscribing to a particular culture of idea's that suits the personality suits I would like wear as my image as the way I imagine myself to be within my mind of self-righteous authoritarian rule.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty to live for real as like having no idea of what it really means to live here for real for eternity as like never wavering within doubt with flashes of energetic fluctuation as particular mental frameworks shape a freeze frame of myself going hard crystallized within myself as I submit within a mind-pattern of accepted and allowed auto-destruct.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for following the mind consciousness program of automation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to close the option and consideration of going into mind conscious auto pilot as like being in the back seat just watching the show that I'm reacting to, never realizing myself as the real time physical director of the whole game play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing myself within the driver's seat of awareness as like it's all me here, that I am always working with me here as what I accept and allow as me here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to ignore the manual of acceptances and allowances I used as the particular memory impressions I formed to particular moments as like the energy juice I mined my physicality with as like my mind being the robotic miner that goes 24/7 always digging for more of myself to abuse as like constantly scratching an itch...and all the while me sitting in the backseat watching the show, believing things are taken care of for me that I'm on holidays and ya life's quite the trip while not realizing and understanding that why I've been calling Life a trip because I fell for the lie I sold myself as the reasoned justification that I spawned within having automated energetic experiences within every particular moment since as long as I can remember.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how uncool it is to refer to life as a trip as like this temporary ride where I am just a temporary problem so to speak in that eventually I will just auto-destruct because I wasn't built to last the testaments of time...more like due to lacking the integrity and focus in labored craftsmanship...subscribing to the fuck it philosophy and therefore buying stock within planned obsolescence, figuring and solidifying my time here as temporary so thinking that's just the design of how things are and I aint no designer, im just a product of some greater design that I gladly say and welcome with self-submission by praying and saying "at your service oh benevolent one, my inherent nature is a desire to serve...so just tell me what to do and then it is done...but give me the free will to choose how I serve because then I am blissfully ignorant within my own free will believing that I have free range to do anything, while not realising and understanding how I've just contributed to the perpetuation of  a giant super duper fuck up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to work with my fellow fuckers here who have equally contributed to the fuckedness equation, because within coming to a starting point of oneness and equality within and as each of our opportunity here I can't point the blame fuck you middle finger any more and my life that I sold for a temporary trip here as the guaranteed experience of a Life time becomes null and void and I missed out on the deal of a life time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for searching for and longing for cool as like the programmed code and guide how to be cool...while not realizing and understanding myself as the key maker here as realizing and understanding myself as the key to me...like I am the key to the kingdom of heaven...I am the door...I am the way...it's all within me here...and I am the only one who can grant me access...and whats funny and cool about this is that I cannot bullshit myself a granted access pass, meaning my sound as my word as my signature as the music that cannot be faked, I gotta be pure as the proven cure so that I can be sure I won't contaminate all that is pure ever again...and so I see as the intimacy is in to me...hehe, laugh as I face my accepted and allowed absurd ridiculousness as I have the aha moment of self-realizing and understanding this is source of my contamination that needs immediate remediation/reclamation as I unfuck the improper fucking I fucked myself with, as the very nature and core of my being had been penetrated without taking the necessary steps and precautions for the best fucking...and so there as the consequence of fucking as less than the best fucking, I see and realize how I raped myself.

To Be Continued

Day 484 Daily Blogging and Vlogging

The support that we are able to give to ourselves and others within blogging and vlogging is tremendous. Our words are seeds of support and assistance.  I know our days can be quite hectic with a jam packed schedule of time managed responsibilities and obligations.  What I do also know, is that even in a very busy day/week it is possible to have a few moments to write something down and or record some sharing words of support. The internet is an amazing thing we have here as global platform for all of us to come together. I mean, the words you share here, who knows who you may support and assist.  Our words are impacting change and influence. Our words are the building blocks of creation. Obviously it is cool to share the building blocks of creation with one another. Self-expansion is possible through sharing as a point of working and walking together.  Our words are a point of feedback for one another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the practical point in sharing my words daily through blogging and vlogging as the gift I would like to receive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made excuses and justifications as to why I am not blogging and vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to see the practicality in daily vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself having neglected to make time for blogging/vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it's better for me not to blog or vlog at all if I don't have a lot of time available on a particular day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I write/speak a big amount of words or I don't speak/write at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting the significance of a few words.

When and as I see myself making excuses and justifications as reasons I am considering within my mind as why I am not able to blog and or vlog today, I stop and breathe, I see and realise the ridiculously absurd limitation I am creating within my mind as a point of self sabotage. I realise and understand that I could make a vlog while travelling, or even taking a shit....I mean I realize I could take 2-5 minutes out of my day to record a video.  I realize I could take another 2 minutes later in the day to post the video.  I realize I could write a blog...or open up the beginning of a blog in a 5 minute window... i mean... I realize and see the possibility of utilizing my time....I realize I could put a blog together throughout the day...by taking 5, 5 minute breaks to compromise a blog of 25 minutes of labor.  I realize there is so many ways for me to make it possible for me to share a daily blog and vlog. I realize I could write and or record a blog/vlog or a couple and post them at another time. I realize there is so many ways possible to effectively manage the time to share words of assistance and support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to realise and understand that there is so many ways for me to be creative in sharing words of assistance and support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the tremendous value within sharing words of support on the internet.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the internet as like a global historical track record of and as our global positioning/stance as a daily reflection of who and how we are here within and as the living words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for negating myself-responsibility within and as the living words.

I commit myself to utilizing the internet as a platform of assistance and support as a place to make and create a historical track record of my sharing process of living words of assistance and support as I journey to life.

I commit myself to giving as I like to receive.

I commit myself to receiving as I like to give.

I commit myself to writing and vlogging.

I commit myself to living the significance of words.

I commit myself to sharing words.

I commit myself to enjoying the process of sharing words.

I commit myself to encouraging others to share their words.

Day 479 Some Resistance to Writing My Blog Tonight

I've gotten into the habit the last little while, where I write my blog towards the very end of my evening, like just before I go to bed. And the point came up tonight of me thinking about not writing my blog, thinking that I'm too tired. And it's really a bullshit reason justification, because it's earlier today than it's been written the last few days, and also, I was lounging around for some time after dinner, and ya, there's no real valid excuse for me not to write my blog.  It's actually quite ridiculous for me to be thinking about not writing my blog within and as the consistency of daily participation because I realize and understand the assistance and support I give to myself within honoring the commitment to write for myself.

I noticed this evening that I had some mild reactions towards my Dad, and that I held onto a couple of judgments about my dad as the following :

I judged my Dad as being impatient and always in a rush

I judged my Dad as self-righteous within communication as like always playing energy games to perpetuate the experience of giving himself a positive energy experience within word exchanges, as like deliberately creating conflict where the belief within his own self-righteousness is so strong that he cannot ever lose and that he is always instigating abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for having had some resistance to looking at these specific judgments as particular character personality traits that I have in fact perpetuated within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient within myself and rushing within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my Dad as a teacher of assistance and support for me, because even the littlest of a reaction I have towards him, is showing me my character flaws.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto the self-righteous conviction as the belief that I cannot lose an argument and that I can only win arguments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that anyone can in fact be a winner within having reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for playing energy games within communication with others as a result of having conflict within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for being self-righteous within communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the realization that in some ways I am just like my Dad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to look and investigate the accepted and allowed  friction I have accepted and allowed within myself towards my Dad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that resisting to write is a point of hiding as like not wanting to face myself within a point that has the possibility of being exposed within and as the starting point of self-honesty, self-trust, and self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being surprised when points are realized within myself sometimes, as like, wow, I can't believe I didn't realize I was doing that...it should be so obvious to see what I have been doing this whole time. I realise and understand the process of self-realization and self-correction is extensive and that humbleness is a great tool for me within moving through a point without getting stuck in any sort of reaction in relation to the point I am seeing which is new in a particular moment.  I realise I require to practically sort out points as any reactions within the moment, because allowing myself to hold onto reactions as points I will try to sort out later has a compounding effect that is unnecessary stress and weight on the body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty in acknowledging my image and likeness to my parents.

I commit myself to seeing the point that I resist opening up within moments of resistance towards writing/vlogging.

I commit myself to investigating all points where there is resistance and or reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and for believing that I don't need to further investigate relationship with father because I already walked an extensive investigation into my relationship with my father in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the accumulation effect of writing as a point of support within and as the point of expansion, as like new dimensions of a point opening up that were not able to be previously seen because there were so many other points that required to be given attention within writing in order to get to the present writing's.


When and as I see myself holding onto judgement, I stop and breathe, I let the judgement go, I realise and understand my self responsibility to forgive myself myself in the moment for accepting and allowing these point of judgement within myself.  I realise and understand the point of self-responsibility within releasing judgments.

When and as I have resistance to blogging or vlogging, I push myself to just do it, and realize these are the moments where I strengthen my momentum within process of self-realization and self-correction as like the moments where I chose to stand instead of falling as like the real-time physical movement within and as the process journey to Life.