Day 794 - FaceOff "JUSTIFICATION"

I've been facing the characters of myself as how I have conditioned myself to respond in a plethora of scenarios.  What's interesting to see is myself as the array of characters and also to within various forms of interactions/engagements where sometimes i have a particular resistance towards a certain type of character and it's like i want to move on and away from that character as quickly as possible because I see something in them that I don't like.

Lets look at this point of seeing something in another person that i don't like.

The things i see in other people at times are ugly, undesirable, awkward, overcompensation, fake, fucked, bullshit, superiority, inferiority, volatile, scripted, Routine, justification and excuses.

These are all points of myself that i am working through.

for practical purposes here: I am going to take one word:

JUSTIFICATION


I've been getting so angry when reading and speaking with others and Justification comes up.  Like this up sets me very much. The irony of this is it is showing a deeply embedded point within me.

What I have noticed about myself within and as my day to day living as JUSTIFICATION, is that it has been a point of self-suppression, a form of accepted and allowed defense system that I use as a form of Offense and Attack on myself that is projected outward onto others to compensate with a form of suppression/depression existent within myself.

Let me further clarify:

Justification has been used by me as a sort of Self-narration to Explain myself to others my Point of View as in why I am Right within my Living as the decisions I am making and have made.  Justification is the Excuses I create as the ways to validate Inferiority within myself as Accepting less than my Best Potential.

I've been using Justification as a form of aggressive Offense where I would instantly go into an automated reactionary response where I experience the urgency to Explain myself and my actions to others.  Fucked up in a lot of ways, because what this reveals upon further investigation is how I am manipulating myself in participation through others.  Meaning, I use my participations with others to validate my behavior and pattern where i superimpose a sort of Validating and Accepting response/reaction in others the way i position my sharing of information as JUSTIFICATION.

SEE:

Justification has been my way to say, " Just If I see a Tie On".  Meaning also: Just if  I/Me/You can see the connection I am making here and accept it as the terms of the Contract I am presenting here as my word scheme as my Pyramid layered self-deception.

Vulnerability has been a support word for me in going deeper into investigating JUSTIFICATION within myself.

Vulnerability is cool because I within and as Vulnerability I am strong in standing in and as Weakness.  I move past my dissonance and stand as the point of accounting for my acceptances and allowances that are not cool.

The experiences I encounter within and as my vulnerability are very challenging at times as there is often a certain amount of intensity that comes up and that has manifested in a myriad of ways in my body in various moments...and so I've made a sort of game and challenge for myself in being my own DETECTIVE in making a play and work of Identifying the Specifics of the experience that surfaces and comes up within myself.  What is very fascinating about this detective process of self-investigation for me is that my behavior and patterns are Learned over time, Layered within and as Specific Memories of past acceptances and allowances. So much fun and excitement in a way of creating the path of self-discovery with going into the seemingly Unknown of myself.  Unknown from the point of not realizing and understanding how exactly i self-sabotaged, self-suppressed myself in the first place!

This process of self-exploration as taking on the staring point responsibility here as an Existential Detective has been a journey and an adventure for each and everyone.  My ability to relate and share and teach and learn has improved immensely.  The quality of my life is a continued improvement because I Keep letting go of baggage that is unnecessary to hold onto as impressions of suppression as the points and moments in memory as Not Understanding and Realizing myself here as Life, One and Equal.

I enjoy learning so much.

I encourage each and everyone to dare to go deep within and as your participation's with others and the activities you participate within alone...and really see what you think about others and the activities you participate within ,,,and really get to know your weaknesses, you know, The Justifications.....the Just if I see a Tie On.

Remember:

Justification in and of itself can be a cool tool to see where we work to create explanation in our actions...and actually understanding the nature of justification as why we are wanting to manipulate our information in a particular way.

Do we see how Manipulation is Complimentary in action to Justification?

Day 789 - TRUST and SELF-TRUST

TRUST and Self-Trust

In Asking myself how do I define Trust, What comes up within me is Honesty, meaning my truth and responsibility. I take the meaning of Trust a step further into myself as Self-Trust...myself as It....and so Here is where my Self-Honesty and Self-Responsibility are.

In opening up my investigation into Trust, I questioned whether or not there was any other Key words to support myself within and as Trust. What came up is: Confidence, Ability, Strength and, The Assured Reliance on the Character.

The Assured Reliance on the Character; Confidence, Ability, and Strength.

What Jumps Out at me Here is STRENGTH

In Questioning: Why have I had moments of difficult within and as Trust/Self-Trust?

The Answer: Moments of Weakness. I did not allow myself the truth of myself in moments of weakness. Meaning, I did not completely understand the dimension of Strength within and as my Trust. I resisted allowing myself to really face myself as How I am Living Who I am.

This lack of regard for my Strength became a massive point of suppression within myself. See, without Strength it is difficult to turn weaknesses into strengths.

What has now opened up for me is Understanding and Realizing the Complimentary Nature of: Self-Trust, Self-Honesty, Self-Responsibility, and Strength. Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand what it means to live Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dismiss any regard for Strength within and as Trust and Self-Trust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand the complimentary structured support within and as Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand how I've abdicated Strength of Character as Who I Am as Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself here as Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand how my mind has been showing me my Weakness within and as Strength. I realize my mind has shown me my weakness within and as Strength/Self-Strength as a result of how i've been accepting and allowing relationship judgments of Characters as either Inferior or Superior.

I realize the polarity game of Inferiority and Superiority, reveals self-accepted and allowed Inferiority. This is so, regardless of whether or not You believe yourself to be Superior or Inferior in relationships. Stop it.

I commit myself to stand within as Self-Trust. Self-Trust being my self-assurance in who I am here as self-honesty, self-responsibility and Self-Strength.

I realize my ability to live words effectively as Who I Am, is a result of How I Give meaning to the words I speak. I realize I must first question and understand the meanings of my words if I am to ever establish Clarity and Purity within myself here as Life.

I realize the process of word investigation is a process of self-intimacy that is unique to each individual.

I realize and understand the self-satisfaction within purifying....fine-tuning an imperfection within my Word and World Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand that when I struggle within making decisions, it is a result of have conflicting charges existing within my words. I realize and understand the solution is within investigating the specifics of each word in regards to the problem. What I mean by Problem...is the Decision that has become stuck within a point of Indecision. Ironically, I realize that Indecision is also in fact a Decision.

When and as I see myself making a decision to exist within Indecision, I stop and breathe, I Ask myself, “Is this practical for me to make the decision of Indecision?” I realize that taking the time to make a decision is in fact a decision for indecision. This is so, in the sense that I am allowing myself to test things out, take time to sort things out...to see and investigate all considerations involved within the Focal Point of being faced with a Decision.

I commit myself to simplicity within and as my word and world here.

I realize, Life Simplicity is the Key to Me. Life Simplicity is Specificity. Specificity is Self/Life Regard.

Day 615 Creation and Reaction?

So in looking at the word "Creation" I noticed that the word "Reaction" is within and as the word "Creation" when and as you move the letters around. It is interesting to see also the correlation and connection that Creation is in fact within and as the word, "Reaction".


This is interesting to me because I have been regarding my reactions as less than creation here. What I have neglected to understand and realize completely is how in fact my every reaction reveals to me my manifested accepted and allowed creation here that has become so much so automated. It's interesting because reactions reflect what has already been created...and I have been looking at reactions as the suppression of the in the moment opportunity/possibility for new creation/expression to be born/lived.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the equality and oneness within and as the words "Creation" and "Reaction".


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for regarding my reactions as less than creations.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the self-reflection in seeing and realizing and understanding how and why my reactions are in fact my creations here.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I in fact created limitation for myself in defining particular behaviour patterns for myself as a points of reaction as a result of personalizing a definition of a specific word that stimulates/triggers/generates a point of conflict/friction within myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I created conflict/friction/reactions within myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining reactions as bad and creations as good.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for giving a positive polarity charge to the word "creation" and a negative polarity charge to the word, "reaction"


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting mixed up within myself as a result of bouncing back and forth within positive and negative energies.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating particular relationships towards words with positive and negative energies.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have fucked with my ability to play with words as a result of creating personalized definitions of words with specific and particular energetic associations.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating reactions towards words as a result of creating energetic relationships with words.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have been passively creating my reality within having reactions. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how having reactions is a point of creation from and as the starting point of passive acceptance and allowance.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abdicating creation within passive acceptance and allowance from and as the starting point of having reactions and not knowing and understanding what to do about reactions.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking reactions personally.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing reactions.


To Be Continued