Day 770 - The Lame Fear

You get what you don't want and You get what you want, so either way, you Get it.  Get It? Get It!  Got it.

I noticed I fear being Lame.  Like, I do not want to appear weak or lame or somewhat inept in my participation, whatever that may be.  Ironically enough, what you really don't want, you get more of..when your starting point is in opposition of that very thing...it's like a homeopathic remedy and equation in so many ways....where the thing that is here to support you the most, is the very thing you are "fighting" and in "conflict" about. Tragically ironic indeed.  It's like creating  more and more consequence, a bigger and bigger mistake...to either be the cause of one's demise...or the Very Solution Remedy Cure here.  Funny, because everything is it...and where shit gets complicated is in and as how we have tagged it. You know that very elementary game of Tag You are it?  The word spelling's we imprint as our character impressions...not realizing the forgeries we are creating, because it's a fake of sorts, a conscious/unconscious incompetence. Not as the Knot in and as our not realizing what we are doing to ourselves...our cells here in and as our world here.

I noticed how I have been perpetuating a mind fuck within my world participation's within this point of fearing to be Lame. In many ways this perpetuates a sort of inferiority/superiority play out of characters....where it's like I go into a sort of De-siding....I mean, deciding...as like a self-censorship within participating within a point, or a sort of self-righteous superiority/Inferiority.  Though, there is the alternative to both these conflicting realities...which is me being here, clear from fear.  Though the very instance of me having moments of being clear from fear is very questionable,...because it's like a moment of fresh air, a breath of life...and then it's gone and into some sort of self-perpetuating stagnation or drowning.  Like forgetting how to swim for a moment...ironically enough, it's more like disabling my swimming ability in a moment, as like choosing to impair my ability with the acceptance and allowance of fear to be the commanding authority in relationship to the points of ability in question as my response abilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the word Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I have allowed myself to have a fearful relationship with the word lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I have limited/suppressed my natural learning ability as a result of fearing to be Lame/Weak within a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the Irony relationship Tool and How it Links specifically with Fear in and as a Word Relationship.  As like a realm of Fear is at the core of accepted and allowed issues/conflicts/problems within an individual relationship. And, why this is so ironic, is because it is the very Fearful relationship with specific regards to the word in question that keeps the problem/conflict/mistake/misfortune alive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which i have self-censored my potential as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be in opposition/fear towards the word Lame. I forgive myself for not realizing the irony within fearing to be or be perceived as Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the extent to which process is a tragic/divine comedy play out here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how Irony can be a rather specific tool for investigating words, where you can use the word Irony as a sort of cross reference where you have a look to see if you are being ironically stuck within the very word you are making a concerted effort to investigate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how cool a tool Irony is within investigating words as like a fun and funny play to aid in and as the word investigation/exploration. - See more at: http://michaelwilliammcdonald.blogspot.com/2016/02/day-769-exploring-word-lame.html#sthash.hpDhwsRP.dpuf

Day 573 Process of Change

I've been looking at the point of change. Specifically making new goals/patterns/habits/routines/commitments and within this seeing how to be most effective/efficient in implementing these changes.

What I've noticed and realized is that big results and drastic change is the accumulation of a series of many very small steps.

I've noticed and realized how my success or failure within a point of change is specifically the result of my very small steps.

What's interesting to see here within and as the process of change is how steps can also be referred to as calculations or acceptances and allowances.

Each step/calculation/acceptance and allowance happens within a moment.

What I've come to realize and understand is how simple it is to re-align/self-correct myself when I lose my balance as a result of a miscalculated step.

What's interesting here is to see the equality within how easily we can support ourselves in a moment...or how easily we can fuck with ourselves in a moment....because the basic mathematics always applies as the accumulation effect/factor.

What I've found difficult about stopping a pattern/habit and creating a new pattern/habit is looking for the change to happen automatically within myself without any real self-directed effort/commitment and or challenge...like for instance making a plan...and just kind of expecting that my thoughts will walk me through the change...as like telling my body what to do in every moment.

What's interesting about this...is that I am faced with the particular thoughts/feelings/emotions that are linked/formed within myself as the accumulation that has been accepted and allowed within myself with regards to my oldpatterns/habits.

What's interesting to see here is that in order to effectively integrate a new pattern/habit/routine/change, I require a series of new steps and this series of new steps requires repeated repetition in/as order to/so be effectively integrated within myself.

What's interesting about this is that by questioning my every step within developing myself I can practically see and realize the effectiveness of each step. Within this, I can play with a series of steps/movements and within doing this I can establish rhythm and tempo and build upon my application.

What's interesting about this is that I am my own science experiment and I determine the science experiment.

What's interesting about this is that the science is all ways awe-so-me. Here is where things get interesting...because I am the starting point of determining my awesomeness in application. By realizing and understanding that anything that I do that is not cool/awesome is a misstep/miscalculation where I then forgive myself for accepting and allowing a point of less than awesomeness/cool to exist within myself. 

What's interesting about the process of change is that the more specific I get with my questioning of myself here, the more I enable myself to expand my practical living application of awesomeness/cool as that which is best for all Life. 

What's interesting about this is that by constantly and consistently being on the quest of question specificity within and as process of self-perfection in and as the science of awesome/cool practical living applications...it is clear here to see/hear and realize what the answers/solutions are as the ways to effectively and efficiently correct my momentary missteps/trips/falls/stumbles/bails.

It's interesting how within the realization and understanding that the question is one and equal with the answer/solution...and that we are here as the starting point of it...that it is really only a dare to care...a dare to see what is already here...which is fascinating because what's blocked me from seeing and realizing what is here is that I've been too damn scared.

And what is interesting about being scared...is that to really question the fears around why I could be so damn scared is to in fact see the scars that are burned into my memory as various emotional energetic traumas that burned me so bad I've created a self-automated defense system to circumvent any possible chance that I would have to face such a point again. 

What is interesting about such a scenario is that by being scared it's like I'm choosing to inject myself with a poison as the needed justification to prevent myself from getting poisoned again...which is really quite the tragic comedy if you will see the irony here in its profoundness of what I resist will persist because I am persistently enabling the resistance as the self-automated defense system to circumvent any possible chance that I would have to face the point again...and so it's not like I am facing the point again as a new time...but constantly keeping alive the old traumatic history of the past continuously repeating a predictable future again and again and again and thus making the change/self-correction to the future next to impossible because of the extensive nature of my self-automated defense systems as the ridiculously absurd rationality of placing an obstacle in front of myself as the means necessary to avoid facing an obstacle.

To see the ridiculous absurdity of perpetuating self-harm out of fear of being self-harmed...is to see our self-responsibility and self-accountability to stop harming our-self here.

The truth hurts when you step out of the lie, so embrace the pain and realize and understand the weakness of character is leaving the body as we build and strengthen our character as the image and likeness of that which is always best for all Life here. Awesomeness Cool.