Day 731 - Golden Ticket

Continuing from my previous post, "Day 730 - Coming Out of Retirement"


"A realization that has become clear to me is that Yes, Indeed I do have a Golden Ticket and this Golden Ticket is in fact my Potential Here...and the thing is...I Require to Use My Golden Ticket...and I cannot just save it away and avoid it for a long time later.....that is foolish....My Golden Ticket has the Most Value Now...and The Value Of My Golden Ticket Gets More Valuable every day I Exercise it....like a card I got to pay/play with as the decisions I make." (Day 730 - Coming out of Retirement)


Within this and continuing from my post yesterday there is much self-forgiveness I would like to share.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting long term commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing long term commitment to get in the way of short term commitments and my overall ability to have fun.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for regarding "long term commitment" as burden and something that is tedious in a way i don't want to deal with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing long term commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a conflict of sorts between "short term commitment" and "long term commitment".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created my life from the starting point of self-interest linked to my emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting movement if I am not experiencing a positive energy about doing such movement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining retirement living as the enthrallment within feed positive energy pursuits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting overwhelmed within the point of long term planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to actually really sit with myself and take the time to look at what I would like as some long term plans.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always kind of reacting to the point of long term planning and being quit to judge and dismiss the point as being limiting and taking away from my day to day living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the purposeful living within creating long term plans.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the flexibility and adaptability within long term planning that it can be a fun thing and isn't a prison sentence,,,but in fact the complete opposite.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having spent many years not really caring or daring to push the development of long term planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how this past decade has been like a testing phase of sorts where I have been investigating and looking at possible avenues to take myself within as a point of long term planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring some structure and order in my life from the perspective of creating long term plans for myself to be able to move into fruition/actualization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding how to create long term plans for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing long term and short term goals within conflict with each other and for not realizing how I can utilized these two opposite points as being complimentary in bringing to fruition both the short term plans and the long term plans.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understand how ridiculous it is pit things against one another that can very easily be complementary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to regularly check my maps as the plans i create for myself in both the short term and the long term.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not taking my life seriously from the perspective of long term planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for kind of neglecting myself as the creator of my life from and as the perspective that My Wish is My Command...and that I am capable of being very specific and exact within my life planning and also at times be quite adaptable.

Day 558 Facing Myself In My Dream

So the point came up within my dream this morning where I was faced with seeing an individual who I knew who was causing havoc for another individual that I knew. The individual who was bothered by the havoc beingcaused was trying to discourage and scare the being into stopping to participate in their actions of havoc.

An opportunity presented itself where I could confront the being who was somewhat possessed in causing havoc without the other individual being aware that I was confronting the being who was causing havoc. It's interesting that I wanted to confront the being causing havoc without the other individual realizing this. A point came up where I didn't want either individual to know that I knew both of them.

When I confronted the being who had been causing havoc for the other being...I approached the being in such a way where the being did not know that I knew what had been transpiring previously. Also the point came up where I resisted being totally straight up with the being, as like I didn't want to offend the being...but just wanted to present myself as a nice guy that he knows...and in a way just kind of distract him from his previous course of actions. Interesting though that within doing this...the being directed his attention towards another point of abuse...though arguing a lesser self-inflicting form of abuse...and I kind of side stepped around tackling that issue head on from the perspective...that I just kind of moved the conversation along without really acknowledging the point of fuckedness/abuse. The situation/conversation was over rather quickly and I was asking myself afterwards, like what the fuck?...Why did I side step some issues here? The short answer is Fear. Fear of uncertainty within another's reactions...fearing the reactions of another...minimizing the possibility that I would really be required to stand in stability and direct the situation.

I see here how this reflects myself not having the courage to full out face myself in every moment. This is unacceptable behaviour. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing losing face with individuals who have conflicting relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being two faced.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have allowed havoc to exist within myself as a result of mulling over points of fear that exist within me with regards to speakingdirectly and frankly with others in every moment of my communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for deliberately glossing over issues/points that require my perspective/assistance/support that I fear standing alone within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to stand alone within and as my stance in every moment here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always trying to keep the peace with particular individuals I have a casual relationship with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to bring forth any intimacy within casual relationship acquaintances. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to make known my various relationship connections to various beings within my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing secret relationships to exist within me as a result of judging the various individuals that I am in relationships with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how I have lacked the commitment in the depth of the relationship to myself as a result of fearing to address any particular issues that come up within conversation with another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being very sensitive to criticism/reactions/defensive comments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take personally defensive comments/criticisms/reactions.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself within offending myself by holding onto a negative energetic charge in relationship to points of self-judgement as comments/criticisms/reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to come across as offensive and attacking another being's character persona within being direct and and speaking frankly within communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how offensive I have been treating myself within the acceptance and allowance of fearing to come across as offensive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have been attacking myself within being fearfully defensive/offensive within comments/criticisms/reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to ignore comments/criticisms/defensive/offensive behaviours.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how ridiculously absurd I have existed within communication as a result of accepting and allowing the polarity of offense and defense to exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing as the justification of fear character within excusing self-responsibility in releasing/self-correcting all polarity relationships that exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the nice guy character construct as coping mechanism and as an avoidance for facing the fear/conflict/friction that exists within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear/conflict/friction to exist within myself as a result of resisting to take self-responsibility for the fear/conflict/friction that I see and realize exists within myself. I realize and understand myself responsibility in directing these situations through self corrective measures. When and as I see myself faced with a point of fear/conflict/friction, I stop and breathe, I direct myself to transcending the point in the moment by facing the point head on within and as the stability of my self-trust here. I realize and understand that I am capable and able to walk through and transcend any point of fear/conflict/friction that exists within myself as I have already proven this to myself countless times. I realize and understand the structured systemic way in which I can practically self-correct myself and transcend any and all points of fear. I commit myself to using a practical living systemic approach in transcending every point of fear/conflict/friction that I am faced with seeing within a moment.

I commit myself to continue to utilize my dreams as a point of assistance and support in accelerating my application within and as the journey to Life.

I commit myself to making the most out of the opportunities I am presented with here within and as I walk the journey to Life.

I commit myself to sharing myself without fear within communication.

I commit myself to self-integrity and self-compassion and self-regard, and self-dignity within communication.

I commit myself to stop coping with my existence here.

I commit myself to stand within and as the stability and the directive principle of Oneness and Equality as I walk my process Journey to Life.

Day 445 Seeing What's Here

I had an interesting dream last night where I was at a friend's place and I discovered a hidden room...like this whole area within the house that I had never seen before.  I was marveling about the area and was really quite pleased with discovering the area...and the cupboard closets were filled with goodies, like everything I could want...the words lucky charms come to mine as I think I recall there being lucky charms cereal and that was a really big deal to me...it's funny as I look at the word cereal, I sound out, "see real". What's also interesting about this dream is that after moments of marveling, I asked myself how I could have missed knowing about this space...and so I further examined the area re-tracing my steps to the back entrance and then I had an aha moment as it was like oh ya, well that's obvious that the stairs at the back of the kitchen also lead upstairs...I saw and realised how I had forgotten about this space in the house as a result of having neglected going up those stairs in the back of the house...how I had just avoided them...

This dream reveals to me the point of investigating that which I avoid doing/going where I resist going....and within this, the point that everything is here and how much access I have to see what is here is entirely up to me...as like whether or not I am willing myself to investigate the totality of here...as like all of myself...and the point of not just settling with less than a full investigation of reality here so that I can see for real...as like this is the self-investigative process...and the process is difficult from the perspective that one has to be constantly pushing ones own comfort zone as like the cure/prevention mechanism that insures there is no compromising settlements within one's process...as like giving up is not an option and there is no plea bargains so to speak...as only the best work/investigation/commitment is acceptable.


To be Continued....