important shit

Friday, 13 March 2015

Day 710 - Legging go of the Knee'd for Ego

bernard-foto-de-perfil


Read this blog here that is a transcription of the video "Revenge of the Ego". Read the words, Hear the words. Take your time.

In writing the title for my blog here, the thoughts that came into my mind were "wait, hold on, I don't want to let go of the Ego do? Don't I maybe need it...or like is it possible for me to exist without it....what are other people saying about the ego....isn't there something about just kind of managing your ego....maybe I should investigate the ego more before I decide to commit to a title that supports the notion of letting go of the need for Ego."

I see my knee injury that I am facing as coming at a very pivotal time in my life. I have been utilizing this is a point of support. Support from the perspective of reflecting upon the consequential build up of my mind consciousness system acceptances and allowances.

I see this knee injury as being a wake up call of sorts from the perspective of like, "hey my body is telling me something....my mind has been telling me lots of things that I have been buying into as idea's that is like contributing to me existing here as Ego...Dare I say Super Ego....as a being who has been influenced and controlled by energy, the very energy i have given credence to...as the ego....the motivation...the motive to do or not do in so many instances...as the pull/push...why....the purpose having been the energy as the what I believed came natural to me as what I wanted...and my belief in being devout in giving myself everything I want...as like creating this compromising position of sorts...a self-sabotage...self-manipulation if you will....where the wants become congruent with the needs to such an extent that there is like a blur between what is actually what...and just become an auto-pilot drifter of sorts as following the code....the code i created within myself as the ego markings...the map of how I respond to stimuli...how I am able to function....like an addict....doing whatever it takes to feed the want that has become a believed need...and making this a purpose of sorts as kind of enveloping within myself create black hole.

The irony of course is being careless and negligent within heir of superiority as the super ego stronghold....which is like a beingness lock down into suppression where the ability to see and breathe is often negated as like an unfortunate result of being so engulfed within a state of one's own personality possession. I see this as the consequence of bad Accounting...meaning, the neglect of my words/actions/deeds....where the pile-up/build-up became a pressure point crystalization that was just too much....a tipping point. a breaking point if you will....an explosion of sorts was the experience of my knee in a moment of physical activity where it seemed like I should be able to bend and contort my body into such a position without consequence.  And reflecting on past instances...I see that I was in fact able to make such pivoting maneuvers without pain and injury....but in looking back, I did not have the accumulation buildup that I had when I went into this particular fall....it's like the pressure buildup was just too much....there was no escaping it.

This consequential fall is quite interesting in and of itself and I am grateful to be here reflecting on the points as I see here this is all part of me Learning, expanding my realization of what in fact Self-responsibility is. Seeing here how my neglect of responsibility manifested and revealed itself in my physical body as me participating in an activity without the ability to immediately bounce back up and recover...it's like I had the idea/belief that I should be able to..and that nothing will happen to me....yet I see I didn't even consider why I wasn't able to...as like initially my Ego was too much to even see what I have been doing to myself in and as my thought/word and deed without and even realizing the severity of how creation in fact works as the working of words as the put together manuals and instructions for how things are to be formed as the information used to build the structures. No, I didn't think it of any paramount importance for me to be so disciplined that I accounted for Everything within myself...each and every single thing.

So, Oopsie, I have had a slip up a mighty great fall...due to some seriously neglected...disregarded and regarded accounting...as my self valuation...self-evaluation....and the irony here...is in and as how I have been living my-self-created-evaluation...and so the results are specific to me here...as my relationship reflection of me here as/with/within Everything here...and fuck....it is clear that the moment to moment application of practical living self-responsibility has been less than effective..and therefore I am facing the consequences of believing Life to be the Kneed for Ego...as like the only way to function here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the kneed for Ego I created within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that if everyone here is an ego, than might as well be a super ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trap myself within ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I've fucked myself so hard within ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having continuously fucked myself within and as ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting lost within my own ego.  I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the trick of ego in being for getting and the forgetting that ensues within the starting point of being all for getting...as like not seeing and realizing the togetherness of words as complimentary players here...but just abusing words as instruments of consumption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abusing words as a result of accepting and allowing myself to often regard words as meaningless...and to therefore never really care about myself or take myself as the living words seriously.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for seriously fucking within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for seriously fucking Everyone, Everything up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to face myself and take responsibility for fucking everything up.....like....always believing to such an extent...that I do not require to be totally accountable as being the One here who is responsible for Everything being fucked up.

I forgive myself for fearing my own judgement within placing myself in a position of standing accountable for Everything here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself as being to big an Ego to actually stand as a self-responsibility completely, embodying self-ownership for the total fuckup that exists here as everything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get fearful in talking about Everything as a point of existential/Life regard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking of myself as Everything...and that being like too much.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as too little from the perspective of my potential ability to live self-responsibility here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to substantiate myself for real with my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting stuck in personality character construct;s that are less than Who I really am.


To Be Continued

1 comment:

  1. Injuries really do tend to be a kind of wake up call for us, like most disruptive stimuli are. They can also awaken you from a stupor by how much of a disruption they are. At the very least, it forces you to see the bigger picture, and the various gaps and cracks in it you can mend, especially when it comes to damaged knees. In any case, I'm really hoping that you are faring better and that progress has been doing well. Keep us posted, Mike! Take care!

    Agnes Lawson @ Pain Relief Experts

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