Day 534 Why Do I Resist Doing Things?

I noticed how there is a tendency within myself to resist doing things sometimes…like I create a judgement and comparison preference towards participating or not participating within particular things/opportunities…like there’s this heaviness energy within myself…where I believe that participating in particular things brings my self-interest into question/jeopardy. Like, I will think of things that produce or keep me in alignment with a particular energetic state. For example with the heaviness experience, it’s like in particular instances it’s as though I would rather not commit to anything…that by not committing to particular engagements I believe I will have more free time…like more time to indulge myself within self-interested pursuits of entertainment. I see how sometimes I create judgements towards moving myself…like wanting to remain within a point of laziness…like the laziness energy is this heaviness…and remaining within that experience requires no physical effort what so ever.  And it’s really quite bizarre because once I commit myself to participating within particular things where I have resistance to doing so, I actually quite enjoy myself within self-expression while participating within particular things/activities.

I think this laziness energy and resistance to doing things is related to me within the years where I smoked copious amounts of marijuana where I often turned down events/activities/opportunities because I preferred to just sit around and get high…like making commitments to doing things seemed like a lot of effort that I wasn't really that interested in.

I realize and understand I exist within a physical reality where participation and movement is required.

I see me having resistance sometimes to participating within social interactions and gatherings, like I would prefer to just remain by myself and do my own thing. Though again this is interesting because I do enjoy engaging/communicating/sharing self-expression with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto this laziness/heavy energetic experience within myself where I prefer to remain within this heaviness lethargic state as opposed to moving myself into physical participation with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for preferring to be by myself as opposed to being with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating conflict towards being by myself and being with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting social opportunities of activity and relationship out of preference to being by myself within entertainment indulgences of self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for taking the time to spend time by myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling conflicted at times for wanting to take the time for myself when I see and realize that many of my peers do not take the time for themselves within self-investigation pursuits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how there was a time when I never really wanted to be by myself and always existing within socializing experiences of entertainment out of like the fear of being/spending time by myself without the companionship of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty within finding the perfect balance between social interactions and private time to/for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for flip flopping within extremes of always socializing and isolation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for isolating myself sometimes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining isolation as negative.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I have often focused socializing upon self-interested pursuits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting socializing if I do not see any particular benefits/rewards/self-interested pursuits within socializing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and feel guilty when I do not see any practical support/benefit/reward/self-interested pursuits within socializing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating judgement within myself to saying no to particular social interactions....like believing that I should always say yes when offered to participate within social activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for compromising self-responsibilities within fearing to say no sometimes to participating within social activities with peers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for giving social activities precedence of self-responsibilities/obligations.

When and as I see myself judging whether or not to socialize with others from within the starting point of self-interest, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the suppressing myself expression within socializing within the point of self-righteous self-interest is not practical self-support.

To be Continued

Day 533 Ranting and Raving Friendship Judgement

There's hesitance in me to write this evening. A point that surfaced early in my day today was the point of attraction...where I saw and realized there is judgement within and as the point of attraction within myself. Like, I was looking at this with regards to friendship and the particular type of people I am interested in engaging and how there is so many people that I don't even register any particular interest to really engage. It's like an immediate judgement...where I size someone up and I see if this is someone who seems to align with all my particular self-interests. Like basically someone who is exactly like me...where It could be said, ya were on the same page...like I like this page and you also like this page....we got the same attitude about things. 

It's interesting how extensive this point is. I see how I am influenced by the presentation of people...like without really even knowing much about someone...just seeing them within a classroom setting...it's like I have tailored my picks of people to talk to based upon the way in which they are presented.

I see how my interaction with people has been conditioned within the veils of self-righteousness. Where I will or will not communicate with people so often because of my self-righteous judgement and the desire to align within and as my self-righteous judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being extremely self-righteous and judgmental about developing friendships/relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to develop relationships that are in my immediate environment out of spitefully holding out for a believed better person/people to develop relationships/friendships with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being close minded within developing relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to connect with people who are exactly like me within and as starting point attitude of shared self-interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing the expansion and development of relationships within my reality as a result of not realizing and understanding how spiteful and self-righteous I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how extensively I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my own nastiness as spite and self-righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have been influencing people with my accepted and allowed spite and self-righteous attitude of judgement as accepted and allowed hierarchy of inequality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being disappointed and shamed within facing unpleasant truths about the nature of my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for bullying myself and others within spite and self-righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding myself within the belief perception of and as an authority within and as self-righteousness where I believe and perceive myself to know and trust in my own self-judgement and self-righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being discriminatory within my communication as like being energetically inclined to want to communicate with people who have the same self-interests as me and less inclined to communicate with people who do not obviously appear to share the same self-interests as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging people based upon how cool I think they are...like even if they do share some of the same self-interests as me...like based upon how cool I think their external appearance is...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting my communication with people as a result of judging people's external appearance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a hierarchy of cool...as like believing myself to be the authority of cool as separate from others...and judging others as to where they fit in within and as the scale of cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being interested in letting go of self-interested judgments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto self-interested judgments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling guilty within seeing and realizing how extensively I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and discriminate against other beings within my reality.

TO BE CONTINUED

Day 532 Patience Required in Investigating Opportunities

Recently I've come across some cool opportunities and I was initially a little bit antsy within investigating the opportunities where I had a form of backchat as the thinking, 'what am I doing here'...then I reacted with disarray which brewed with anxiety which created an uneasiness within myself that I had made a mistake based upon the emotion I was experiencing within myself.

Within this above experience as I worked through the energies with self-forgiveness I continued to investigate the point and see how I was creating a "problem" for myself as a result of how I was experiencing myself within a moment.

It's interesting how experiencing anxiety in a moment can cause such confusion and opens up the possibility for misdirection and mistakes to happen.

What I realize and understand is that it is so ridiculous for the starting point of my physical movements to be based in some sort of energies as emotion and feelings. Like, this can be quite detrimental to making the best informed decisions. My initial reactions within the experience of anxiety was to get myself to a better state as a result of physically changing my plans and moving myself into another area/environment. What's funny and interesting about this...is that for a few moments I missed the point of slowing myself down here and facing the energetic experience within myself and releasing the energetic buildup within myself...it's like I believed I had to just get somewhere else away from here...lol...

The point of patience is key because the tendency and belief I had was to rush myself into a different direction of physical engagement as like a form of coping mechanism within the initial emotional energies that came up within myself as disarray and anxiety.

I'd like to take a few moments here and purify the words disarray and anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining disarray and and anxiety as negative energies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to escape the experiences of emotional disarray and anxiety without practically facing the origins as to why the experiences of disarray and anxiety came up within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how silly it is for me to look to make drastic changes within my physical reality from within and as a starting point of anxiety and disarray.

When and as I see myself experiencing disarray within myself, I stop and breathe, I look at what I am fearing, I realize and understand the practical support and assistance I can garner from myself within being patient to investigate the energy that comes up within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I connected disarray and anxiety to the uncertainty of the future...as like fear of the unknown...as like not knowing for certain how things will turn out. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry within accessing the energies of disarray and anxiety. I realize and understand the patience required to access my self-trust within myself as the patience to move myself in ways that are best for Life.  I realize the mindfuck of accepting and allowing myself to cycle within a reaction...as I realize and understand how reactions build upon themselves and take me out of physical reality as like existing within reactions is a mind job.  I realize I am in the process of stopping all reactions as they come up and investigating the reaction and enabling myself to receive the gift of each and every reaction.

When and as I see myself experiencing anxiety, I stop and breathe, I look and realize their is a gift/opportunity available for me as I am patient to investigate the question of how/when/why did this point of anxiety come up. What was happening immediately before I went into this particular experience? I realize and understand the patience required to investigate opportunities.

I commit myself to the patience required in investigating opportunities.

I commit myself to gifting myself opportunities within being patient and investigation reactions/emotions/feelings/thoughts that come up within myself.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to exist within anxiety and disarray.


My initial definition towards the word 'disarray' was 'the experience of like what the fuck is going on...because I don't know what the fuck is going on'

My initial definition of anxiety: Worry within self-judgement...the experience of nervousness and uneasiness within oneself."

Dictionary definitions:

Disarray:

noun) a state of disorganization or untidiness

synonyms: disorder, confusion, chaos, untidiness, disorganization, dishevelment, mess muddle, clutter, jumble, tangle, shambles....

verb) throw (someone or something) into a state of disorganization or untidiness
verb) strip (someone) of clothing

Anxiety:

noun) A feeling or worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

synonyms: worry, fear, concern, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, disquiet, disquietude, inquietude, perturbation, angst, agitation, misgiving, nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness...


Playing with the words Disarray and Anxiety:

Disarray: This array...dissing the ray, diss-a-ray...the rays are being dissed....dicer-eh..., d-i-s-a-r-r-a-y,

The opposite of an array. Disarray is the disharmony to being in and as an array...the opposite of an ordered arrangement, in particular...is not an impressive display or range of a particular type of thing.

Anxiety: sound like an angst society...anxiety reflects society in angst....angst + society = anxiety...angry society...an-x- I - e- t-y...an 'x' like a mark/point i create with an example as the ie: in how I am tied to and as the example/explanation of and as the mark of an I as ego (e) energy which I am tied and bound to. An-X-I-It-Why....like not realizing and understanding Why there is a point of uncertainty.....knowing there is a point of uncertainty and being concerned/worried/fearful/uneasy about the point of uncertainty....

Looking at the word anxiety, the point/questions come up:

Is everyone constantly fluctuating within a state of anxiety when the future is uncertain?

Is self-direction with self-trust the remedy to alleviating all anxiety?

Is anxiety a lack of self-trust?

Is anxiety a lack of self-responsibility/self-accountability?

Is anxiety a point of self-victimization?

Is anxiety a point of being angry with yourself for accepting and allowing self-suppression within and as self-victimization?

Day 531 Entertainment Distraction to Learning Engagement

I just listened to this cool interview about distractions. I suggest to check it out.

I've been questioning how I spend my time. I've been asking myself if I could better spend my time.

I've looked at the point of entertainment as a distraction. I see how my Life has been tailored in accordance with getting as much entertainment as possible. Like minimizing everything else to maximize entertainment.  I figured this is the dream...like this is what everyone wants to be doing, to have as much entertainment as possible.

I see how I have flipped flopped around within various forms of entertainment.

I see how this entertainment energy was ingrained within myself as a young age.

I've questioned the point of existing without any entertainment?

I've judged entertainment?

I see how I can change the relationship from entertainment to that of a learning engagement as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be self-intimate with self-introspection in analyzing/investigating my reactions within the entertainment.

I see how I have not always allowed myself to introspect my reactions within various forms of entertainment.

I see and realize how avoiding to introspect reactions is a total waste of a gift/opportunity to receive fantastic self-support which encourages and enables self-expansion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for only sometimes investigation/introspecting my reactions within entertainment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting/suppressing my learning potential engagement by not making a concentrated effort to learn from every reaction I have. I realize and understand that there is so many little reactions that happen within me throughout a day. I realize and understand that by making note of a bunch of them on a daily basis, I would in fact be gifting myself an abundant amount of opportunity/fortune. I realize and understand that it is not difficult for me to find reactions...as I realize and understand that reactions just kind of happen within my mind as a result of what I have previously accepted and allowed to exist within my mind.  I realize and understand it would be quite easy for me to make note of a list of reactions on a daily basis.  I see and realize how making a list of reactions on a daily basis would be of great support within and as the point of self-investigation....because each word/point of reaction represents a gift and a learning opportunity. I see and realize how there is so much opportunity for me to be learning throughout the day. I realize and understand that neglecting to investigate reactions is to neglect and suppress learning opportunities.

I'm looking at the point of my world expanding as a result of giving myself self-direction within enabling myself to be constantly actively engaged within physical reality...like entertainment in a way becomes irrelevant because there becomes only direct physical participation...like everything becomes a point of engagement...where I am able to actually give myself direction in moving myself to finish tasks/responsibilities that support myself expansion within and as learning.

I see how entertainment is a point of taking a break/time off from learning.

I see how I created this relationship towards learning versus entertainment when I was a young child...where I learned how to not learn and just react.  Learning is a point of focused concentration.....what is interesting about this though,....is that every reaction results from a point of focused concentration...like you cannot react to a point if you are not aware of the point...so within this I see and realize the point of self-responsibility within and as my focuses concentration....that I enable myself to direct my focused concentration to questioning and exploring the particular reactions that exist within myself.  I see that questions in a way are like reactions...and questions are what is key to learning.

So how did I learn to not learn....by fearing to ask questions....which is a point of resisting to take the steps necessary to understand and realize something.

So it's like we either learn from reactions/programming and see and realize how reactions/programming works...or we become blissfully ignorant/oblivious to how we are continuously programming and re-acting ourselves... and then believe Life to be this trip/experience that we don't understand but keeps us entertained/distracted from the actual truth of ourselves as the source of Life.

Day 530 Jumping to Conclusions

So I notice how sometimes I have a tendency to want to jump to conclusions and want things to transpire/manifest within a particular way immediately. Within this I see and realize how when I exist within my mind thinking about things and judging things, that I am not in alignment with how things move in physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for jumping to conclusions within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how easy it has been for me to jump to conclusions within my mind based on a particular feeling/emotion reaction within a split second.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful towards myself and all Life within jumping to conclusions about things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to rush understanding/insight/self-direction within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the patience required to stop flying within the mind of energetic reaction and remain here within and as the slow moving physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to jump to conclusions about things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for self-sabotaging myself within believing that by reaching conclusions about things quickly, I am giving myself an added sense of clarity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have tampered with my clarity in moments where I desire to jump to conclusions as like a way to force some immediate action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the decision to exist within a reaction as the consequence of desiring to jump to conclusions and rush into some form of immediate action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for seeking out self-responsibility within jumping to conclusions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing self-responsibility to exist within jumping into conclusions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have compromised self-responsibility within jumping to conclusions about things without taking the time to thoroughly investigate the point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring quick answers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for quickly creating reasoned justifications within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how quickly created reasons/justifications are a way of perpetuating the acceptance and allowance of fear within myself.  I realize and understand that this is an abdication of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for stressing my physicality within jumping to conclusions about things within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the absurd ridiculousness of jumping to conclusions and rushing around within the believed self-responsibility of jumping into action...while not realizing and understand the point of rushing/jumping to conclusions as a point of accepted and allowed reaction within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for jumping to conclusions out of fear of making a mistake within testing out a point and doing a thorough investigation on all the variables within and as a point of questioning.

When and as I see myself jumping to a conclusion about a particular situation....I stop and breathe, I bring my hands/palms together as a point of  support within touching/grounding myself within physical reality...I realize and understand the stress/tension within rushing/jumping to a conclusion about something....i realize and understand how rushing/jumping to a conclusion is the result of accepting and allowing myself to exist within fear of the future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within and as fear of the future as like the fear of existing within and as the consequence of a mistake,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created unfortunate mistakes for myself as the consequence of accepting and allowing myself for fearing to make mistakes and jumping to conclusions about particular moments/situations/things.

I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of jumping to conclusions.

I commit myself to stop jumping to conclusions without investigating all the parameters/variables that I see and realize I am able to investigate.

I commit myself to slowing down within my mind.

I commit myself to harmonizing my mind with physicality as slow moving stability and support.

I commit myself to stop rushing to conclusions within having a reaction within a split second.

I commit myself to the self-honesty within daring to face the mistakes of accepting and allowing reactions within a split second of practical living here.

I commit myself to being patient in coming to conclusions about things.

I commit myself to being patient with the time required to develop particular interests/areas/things/creations within physical reality.

Day 529 Turning the Switch

So, I find myself here in need of a turn around...like I am starring at the misdirection I gave myself as the consequence of having an idea about chasing desire...and well I got to the point of desire...and well things just are not what I planned they would be.

I'm faced with seeing the mistake I made...and correcting my mistake requires me to do a big 180 turn around.

It's funny that I didn't want to see this earlier and had to put myself through the ringer so to speak as like travelling many miles only to realize the point that was available to see without the extensive journey.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how useless it is to project future desires within my mind and to spend my time chasing after the attainment of desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself within seeing a giant mistake that I made.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for considering to spite myself in seeing the giant mistake that I made by thinking and believing well I've already made the mistake...no point in immediately correcting the mistake....what's done is done...and I just got to commit to the course of direction that I am in as a result of the mistake...changing paths/course of direction would not be honorable because I committed myself in this particular direction....even if it was a mistake...I'm committed to my mistake.....WTF...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for committing myself to mistakes that I make...like believing that I must have the integrity and honor to walk within the mistake as like it wasn't a mistake at all like to pretend that things are all good and that regardless of things not being all good I just got to stay the course because I already set the sails and there's no turning back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance to turning back on a decision I made....as a result of fearing the consequence of turning back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being reluctant to face  myself within the vulnerability in learning from my mistake and turning back as the prevention mechanism to stop myself from furthering misdirection within and as a mistake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the dangers of stagnation within and as the process of self realization and self-correction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having desired a form of solace within stagnation as like a believed/pretend form of escapism from responsibilities as like a way to procrastinate on responsibilities....so that I could make believe that everything is accounted for.

When and as I realize I made a mistake, I stop and breathe, I take a moment to look at the mistake I made, I learn from the mistake, I realize and understand the fact that I made a mistake is irrelevant because I learned from my mistake. I realize and understand that crucifying myself within self-judgement is ridiculously absurd and spiteful towards my best interests.

I commit myself to not postpone seeing my mistakes.

I realize and understand the consequence of postponing to see what is here.

I realize and understand the practicality within living at the cutting edge of time.

I realize the point/practicality of living at the cutting edge of time to be a means of preventing stagnation within time.

When and as I see myself resisting to make a turnaround...as like to retrace my steps to correct my miss step, I stop and breathe and I realise and understand that postponing to correct a misstep is reckless because many more missteps...as like travelling within the abyss of misdirection will require further reverse engineering later as the means/method to remedying self-corrections as the consequence of delaying to take immediate action as a being walking at the cutting edge of time here.

I commit myself to seeing the funny here.

I commit myself to stop delaying to see the funny within my acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself learning from my mistakes.

I commit myself to avoid making mistakes by being self-honest within my decisions.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for making mistakes.

I commit myself to turn around and retrace my steps after realizing and understanding that I made a mistake.

I commit myself to self-perfection.

I commit myself to learning/expanding myself every day.

Day 529 Blasting the Music So Loud

So I'm in the library and I had been looking at the point of frustration and irritation where I realized and understood frustration and irritation to be a decision. Within looking at this, I realize and understand that there are many things that I have accepted and allowed within myself that have brought up reactions as frustration and irritation...as that it is necessary for me to face all the accepted and allowed points of irritation and frustration within myself in order to stop the decision to participate in frustration and irritation.

What's funny about this is that how long a point of frustration or irritation bothers me is totally my decision because when and as a point of reaction comes up within me, I can immediately take self-responsibility for the point and therefor not allow myself to be consumed within the point of reaction.

Interestingly enough, just after I saw this point of decision making with regards to frustration and irritation, this girl started blasting her music so loud through her headphones that is was loud for me to hear. I reacted initially to her behaviour as like what the fuck...were in the library this is suppose to be a quiet space. I looked at the point a little more and saw the point about how I used to blast my music so loud that others around me could here it and that I didn't really care because I was just kind of buzzing on the sounds of the music I was listening to...like allowing myself to get amerced within the music and totally disregarding my surroundings, like just kind of getting hooked on a feeling.

Initially I wanted to just create conflict with the girl. I paused for a moment here and checked myself,...like why was I getting so bothered by hearing the music. I mean how can stop accepting and allowing myself to be bothered by the music? Am I bothered by hearing the music because of what I have accepted and allowed within  myself?

Obviously the point is one of self reflection as I realize and understand that everything is always a point of self-reflection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being inconsiderate of others around me in blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my eardrums in blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for listening to my music so loud to get an energetic high feeling experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding any consequence of blasting my music so loud because I was more concerned with having the energetic experience that comes with blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming another for myself experiencing frustration and irritation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how this girl in the library assisted and supported me to see a point within myself that I was holding onto within and as a form of self-judgement...because I was accepting and allowing myself for condemning myself within this self judgment by being irritated and frustrated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that it is rude for someone to blast there music loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be offended by someone blasting their music real loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to have confrontation with the girl who is blasting her music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to have confrontation with the girl is blasting her music so loud.


So, I'm writing this blog in the library here in real time...and as I saw the point of resisting to ask the girl to turn her music down....I saw this point of resistance as what I got to move through and so I said to the girl, "excuse me, can you turn your music down it's really loud and my ears are really sensitive".....she then apologized to me and told me that she didn't even realize that her music was that loud. She was happy to oblige my request.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the point of speaking up in moments where there is a point of conflict as the solution to remedy the conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared to remedy conflict within my world by speaking up in moments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that communicating can be a point of awareness expansion as like in this particular instance I assumed that the girl was aware of how loud she was blasting her music...when in reality, she was not aware of how loud she was blasting her music...I also became aware that she had not been aware of this...and I became aware of the importance of speaking up and facing a point where there is potential conflict/confrontation because my speaking/sharing in and and as communication can act as a point of support for myself and others.

I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of fearing to speak up in a moment.

When and as I see myself faced with a point of reaction, I see and realize the practicality of immediately investigating the reaction within myself as I realize and understand myself as the starting point origin of the reaction manifesting and that the external point acted as the trigger/teacher....assisting and supporting me to see and realize a point of self suppression. I am grateful to immediately investigate moments of reactions as I realize and understand that their is an unlimited potential that can be gained from the process of self-investigation into the nature of our acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself to being steadfast within and as my immediate investigation into moments of reaction.

I realize and understand the self support in moving through points of resistance.

I realize and understand that moving through a moment of resistance is like changing my decision making process where I realise and understand the resistance is an accepted and allowed mistake and therefore I am in real time correcting the mistake and therefor preventing the mistake from happening again by standing up for myself and walking the living practical self correction as the remedied solution in the moment as what is best for myself as all Life.

I commit myself to making decisions that are best for all Life.

I commit myself to learning and expanding my awareness within and as communication.

I commit myself to expanding my awareness of myself through communication.

I commit myself to sharing my awareness with others as a point of self-support.