Day 361 Insignificance

Day 361 Insignificance

I just watched the movie “Insignificance”.  It a fictitious tale about Albert Einstein and Marilyn Monroe spending/sharing some time together. The movie parlayed the point about the ridiculousness of fame and how Albert Einstein and Marilyn Monroe both liked and sought for their own time…as like not liking all the publicity.

The point came up within me today where I was comparing myself to others within the tree planting camp from the perspective of thinking about how others had all kinds of free time because of lack of commitments/responsibilities. I was a little bit envious and jealous for a moment. I went into self-forgiveness at work for my thoughts about this.

After watching the movie I looked at the point about the functioning of existence as all contributing parts…meaning that all parts are vital to the functioning of existence. I looked at the ridiculousness of fame within humanity as like how people are worshiped as like false idols in a sense and how this contributes to the fuckedness/wackness/inhumane behavior of mankind.

The other day I saw Selena Gomez on TV and a few of her words stuck with me…specifically when she said, “how it’s important about having a positive circle of people around you as that’s key for success”…I might be paraphrasing slightly but the emphasis was being surrounded by positive people. I looked at this point in relation to fame and wealth as like I considered how wealthy people distance themselves from the poor. I looked at the point of how everyone is here whether rich or poor…and positive of negative…and I mean the positive and the negative is like two sides of the same coin... as I've come to see how the positive is fueled from the negative so to speak…and if you look at how war exists from the perspective of conflict its positive versus negative as like differing beliefs/perceptions on what’s good and what’s bad….as like it’s all relative so to speak…as like the person perceives themselves as good and the other as bad….and vice versa.

The point has come up within me many times where I think about how the gas station attendant is an important and essential job…and I correlate this specifically with how it’s ridiculous that a gas station attendant isn't regarded with the money of a celebrity or a doctor. Both the doctor and the celebrity are reliant upon the gas station attendant to fuel/service their vehicle.  The point has been made that it doesn't take a lot of skill/effort to be a gas station attendant and therefore gas station attendants shouldn't be paid as much as a celebrity or a doctor. This is ridiculous logical manipulation from the perspective of arguing for self-imposed limitation.

Were all relatives so to speak as were all here on the earth and everything is relative from the perspective that everything relates whether we choose to acknowledge the relations here or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to not acknowledge all relations here as everything being relative as like all is connected so to speak as like we are all here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging and comparing my relatives and placing value upon relatives worth based on their functioning skills.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous and envious of people who I see as having no responsibilities/commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for just wanting free time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being selfish in just wanting free time when I see and realise much work is required to be done to walk the self-correction process of my mind consciousness system and within this the total world systems so that we can get to a point where humanity is regarding all time as value as like all Life being of equal value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to discriminate and judge others within time as like regarding my time as more value than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how we are all together significant or independently insignificant as like a total agreement working together as a harmonious whole as the best functionality or chaotic sporadic independent free choice to function however we desire without consideration for all other parts/beings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how my Life is of no significance if I don’t live from the perspective of always considering all Life as like operating within and as the principle of what’s best for all Life here….because without regarding all Life within the equation of being here…a vital relationship connection is missed/lost and therefore any time here was essentially insignificant and wasted/abused/disregarded.

I commit myself to sharing/exposing the ridiculousness of fame.

I commit myself to sharing/exposing the ridiculousness of not valuing all time and Life Here.

I commit myself to sharing/exposing how everyone requires the best support.

I commit myself to learning how to live as what’s best for all Life.

Day 360 Am I Paranoid About What Others Think?

Day 360 Am I Paranoid About What Others Think?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the connection to paranoia within being concerned within thoughts about what others are thinking as like having thoughts about others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding thinking thought about others to be a facet of paranoia.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that it is bizarre to have thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding thoughts and thinking as a form of paranoia because everyone seemingly has thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking within and as a form of justification that thinking and thoughts can’t be a form of paranoia because everyone can’t be paranoid….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that paranoia is only extreme instances as that which I define as like really really bizarre….not just bizarre but really really bizarre.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the notion that I am paranoid and everyone around me is paranoid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding paranoia as a point of fear justification within and as mind consciousness programming.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for regarding myself as separate from paranoia as like not wanting to consider the extent to which makes up notions of paranoia.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not investigating all my thoughts and realising the relationship within and as my thoughts to paranoia.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that paranoia is protected/defended/ignored/disregarded within justification as like a form of logical manipulation.

I commit myself to investigate paranoia.

I commit myself to understand all facets of paranoia.

Day 359 What am I Thinking About?

Day 359 What am I Thinking About?

I asked myself the question, “what is it that I think about every day that consumes my attention?” I observed my thought processes while working for a few days….and within this would just let the thoughts go…as I tried not to participate/react to them too much….within this I noticed…that the thinking thoughts…was like self-generated/automated within my mind///like they would just come up….and within this…I noticed how when I would react to the particular thoughts…with emotions and feelings…I would like lose my awareness of myself movement within the work I was doing…and maybe make a fuck up…as like a loss of focus on the task at hand.

I noticed I would have difficulty in really pushing the point of self-forgiveness on whatever I was thinking about….like often I would find it easier to just try to forget about what I was thinking about…and just do nothing so to speak…..and well obviously it is easier to do nothing than it is to do something. The point comes up in me now, “to forgive and forget is the way” as like forgetting without forgiving is like doing nothing about something that is there to be cleaned up later…as like putting the mess under the rug to just hide it from plain sight and forget about the point. I see how I have been using this tactic very much within my day to day living…as like really doing the labor of self-forgiveness only applies when I justify it so to speak as like believing certain circumstances to be of dire necessity while disregarding the application of self-forgiveness in many other instances because of avoiding seeing the desire necessity to ‘forgive and forget everything’.

I noticed the primary point of my thinking is about other people…and what are they thinking about….like how do they judge me….or what are my judgments of them….and I mean this comes about in an array of ways…as like I noticed my thinking thoughts will be enacted on some of the most recent memories that were imprinted in me the day before…or a couple days before…and if there were similar memories for many days in a row…that is insurance almost that I am going to recycle thoughts in accordance with the memory impressions I stored within myself as like the reactions/judgments I have about each particular memory and like what are all the thoughts/ways of thinking that exist within me about each particular memory impression….and within this I see that my ways of thinking thoughts….are like the accumulation of my acceptances and allowances over time….so like I mean the mind processing automation is extensive.

This brings me to the point of dire necessity in realising the practicality in taking responsibility for all my thinking.

This point has been realised by me before…like many times….it’s just I haven’t lived the realisation fully…as it’s like I’m always trying to get out of work…as self-forgiveness is a full time job….and I’ve been participating within self-forgiveness on a casual to part time basis.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to push the point of self-forgiveness at work where I have a unique opportunity at work in that I am working by myself primarily all day with only a little bit of interaction within others….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing being approached by a co-worker while I am speaking self-forgiveness aloud while in the midst of planting trees as my labored vocation for the next couple months.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how ridiculously absurd as like insane it is to just dismiss my thoughts without doing anything about them….as like forgetting without forgiving….I realise and understand the desire necessity of forgiving all my thinking as within forgiving myself I am gifting myself with assistance and support that may seem unknown prior to application….as I have tested the application of self-forgiveness and I know it is the real deal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding taking on self-forgiveness as a lifestyle commitment as like a who and how I am all the time kind of things as like making self-forgiveness full and through as like within and without a part of me as living application necessity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using self-forgiveness only causal to part time as like believing labored self-forgiveness to be too difficult to be an actuality of an all the time running application within my day to day practical living. I realise and understand that self-forgiveness as a tool of support is able to be incorporated into me as an all the time running application tool of assistance and support as like a virus cleaner to insure the eventuality of myself as a virus free mind. I realise and understand that without running the virus cleaner/sweeper all the time as the application tool  of self-forgiveness….that clearing my mind of all thoughts is impossible…because….I’ve come to see and realise how automated my mind is in forming thought processes and that fixing my mind is a full time job because my mind doesn’t sleep as it’s running it’s applications within consciousness all the time….and so here I see how I take on responsibility to equalize myself with my mind by utilising self-forgiveness as the great equalizer as like bridging the gaps that exist within automated thinking/thought as I realise and understand that I release myself from bondage to thought through and as self-willed movement as self-forgiveness

When and as I see myself tree planting and a thought comes up within me...I stop and breathe, I direct myself to speak self-forgiveness aloud in relation to the thought as I realise the unique opportunity I have to make self-forgiveness a full time job by simply incorporating the application of self-forgiveness to full time self-movement while I physically move myself within the labored applications of tree planting….and within this I realise and see the parallels of support within applying self-forgiveness and tree planting as like self-forgiveness is like tree planting in a way because it’s very much a giving of life…as planting a tree is a giving of life to the ground/earth…as both are formations of equality and oneness as sound physical connection as life force essence here.

When and as I see myself resisting to move myself within speaking self-forgiveness aloud while tree planting, I stop and breathe and I realise the resistance as fear and I realise and understand it is ridiculous for me to fear/worry about being caught/found out/heard speaking self-forgiveness aloud while tree planting….and within this I realise and understand the irony here as like not wanting to be caught speaking self-forgiveness aloud keeps me imprisoned within my own mind….and that’s bizarre really because I’m working on getting out of accepted and allowed self-containment as mind imprisonment…yet that which I resist, persists….and it’s like wow aha I see the joke of me as like the ridiculous absurd nature of fear that keeps me within self-imposed restraints as I create and accept and allow the various levels of resistance…and that with patience breath by breath and I am able to break all barriers of restraints as pushing resistance and I breath out as like in the out breath I speak out self-forgiveness as a self-willed movement of taking action to walk self-correction in limit abuse/suffering.

I realise and understand the in breath as the beginning of self-responsibility as like where and how and who I am in standing as equality and oneness and that it is within the “in” breath that dictates results/exemplifies the out breath as the cycle of as within so without….as without is so within…as this is seemingly common sense simplicity of give and receive one and equal as like the life and death connection as like removing the separation between life and death. An eternal relationship of give and take…take and give as like the song of equality and oneness that ends only to begin…and begins to only end as that which is always best as like the song that never ends because it goes on and on my friend as some people started living it…and the continued living just forever….because this is the song…

Day 358 Awakening to Purpose

Day 358 Awakening to Purpose

I just read Creations Journey to Life Blog “Day 390 Awakening to Purpose”. I suggest reading it.

Within reading the blog it assisted me in facing the point that participating within the Journey to Life blogging is showing where you stand within process and is a measurement of self-respect...and within this how each being regards all of existence.

I’d like to take this opportunity to do some self-forgiveness with regards to my blogging participation.  After writing the blog “Day 356 Figure It Out”  I was unsatisfied with my writing and kind of embarrassed that I would share such a blog. Also, within the blog I mention the point about the importance of words as being like a point of influence and how it is essentially my word relations that is why I am existing the way I am existing within my ego. Also, I felt like that blog I wrote was just kind of a free flowing ramble…like I was searching for I don’t know what…as like I was experimenting so to speak in just writing without direction really…as like I was trying to find direction as support within just having written a little bit about a point that had come up within me with regards to the phrase, “figure it out” Also I experienced extensive judgement within myself about that blog…and also some judgement and resentment bout the blog, “Day 355 Just Justifying Juxtaposition” as within this blog it’s like initially I had a positive reaction about writing this blog…and it kind of showcases how I have often tried to put positive spins on things…and within my writing’s and day to day living place myself within and as a position of superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the point of respect within writing and participating within the 7year Journey to Life blogging commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto the emotion of embarrassment for the blogs I have previously written and within this I realise and understand how I can use my blogs as a point of support in walking self correction as I realign self-respect from ego self interest to what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the writing of blogs as within my blogging I expose my acceptances and allowances as like where and how I stand and what I am one and equal with and as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resentment about past writings as like what I accepted and allowed myself to exist as….and within this I realise the patience and discipline required in correcting myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for putting positive spins on things as like a way to manipulate reality from a point of self interest where I am a beneficiary at the expense of others…and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being abusive to Life as lie disregarding Life for personal selfish reasoning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for blogging from a point of superiority and for living from within the perspective of being better than others…and it being of importance to my day to day living as holding onto my ego so to speak as like me being better/smarter than other beings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fro neglecting Life respect within  my writing as like disregarding and dismissing the importance of my commitment to walking the Journey to Life Process. I realise the importance and practicality of writing daily as a measure of respect for Life as a visible way to share the process of change as like this is a real act of intimacy so to speak because in bringing up points this is a sharing/opening up of myself as vulnerability and willing myself to face the brutality of my ego nature and let go of myself as a brutal ego so to speak…as like a return to nothingness so that that I prove myself capable and able to reprogram myself as that which is always best for Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for submitting blogs within the point of just writing something down that is within me to share as like to show that yest I am committed to writing and see I have written something today…..and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have written blogs without self-direction and like mind rambling backchat as my acceptances and allowances as like my view/perspective within thoughts/feelings/emotions as like just saying shit.

When and as I see myself dismissing the importance of my sharing of words within blogging, I stop and breathe and I realise and understand the practical  assistance and support within sharing words…as like I realise and understand words to be a measure/reflection of myself as where I am at within process.

When and as I see myself writing without self-direction…as like just putting stuff down for the sake of putting words out there as like to represent myself as applying myself within Journey to Life process….and within this I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of misrepresenting myself as what is best for all  Life…as like essentially being a faker/fraudster of what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being a faker/fraudster of what is best for all Life within and as disregarding the point of respect within writing my blogs.

When and as I am beginning to write my blog, I recall the point of respect as I realise and understand I am writing for me and you as you is me so to speak as like you is me in another Life and I am you in the same way…and within this I place myself as writing to and all of existence.

Day 357 Jealousy as an Underlying Cause of Dislike

Day 357 Jealousy as an Underlying Cause of Dislike

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the connection within jealously as like an underlying cause of dislike.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how jealous I would get when I perceive people to be doing better than me at something…or I regard them as having things easier than me…or people who have lots more money than me…or people that seem happier than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for comparing myself to people’s situations who are better than mine as like focusing on people who I believe to have a better situation while ignoring and disregarding all the people who have a shittier situation than me as like brutal living conditions, health ailments, no money for activities, no free time ever, debt, mental illness, addiction issues.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having just reacted to Oprah on tv…as within a news update about her being given an honorary law degree from Harvard University.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking and wanting to be recognised with honorary degrees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how ridiculously absurd it is for me to have wanted an honorary degree…as like wanting fame and recognition for being me…as like praise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having connected jealously to self-righteousness as like within being jealous I am self-righteous about whatever the point is….as like feeling/creating a sense of self entitlement…as like I deserve this because of how I feel and perceive myself….and within this I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of jealously….as like when  point of dislike comes up within me, I stop and breathe and check myself for jealousy existing within me in relation to the point....as l see and realise the ridiculous absurdity of jealousy and self-righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disliking Oprah because she has many millions of dollars and she gets to talk for a living about whatever she feels like.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being envious of Oprah…as like I realise and understand how I connected envy towards Oprah as like wanting what she has in terms of money and employment…and within this feeling victimized that she has more than me…more opportunity in the sense that she has way more money…so can buy more stuff…and spend more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been jealous of the characters on Jersey Shore…within that they made a bunch of money and are like min celebrities for being filmed just living their day to day living as like life is a party…and everything is all good.

When and as I see myself disliking someone, I stop and breathe and I allow myself to check if there is jealousy that is causing an uneasiness within myself…as I realise and understand jealousy to be an underlying cause of dislike.

Day 356 Figure it Out

Day 356 Figure it Out

Figure…like the fig you are…and the figure you have/embody…as all shapes and sizes are within the figure in accounted for all points in figuring it all out…as like everything is relevant….is this is that is such is so…as like figures of speech…..what about figures of sounds? Is there figures of sounds….is there only one sound and every so called other sound is like  a fraction of the one whole sound…as like, is silence the wholeness of sound and all other sound is movement…as like silence is a stillness…..so within this investigation each word moves so to speaks as like how I letter by letter by let the words are formed as figures of speech…as like each letter takes place and shape within the formation of words…and  each part in the body is like word formations in a way because many figures make each part as like everything is pieced together…as like adding it all up…and that’s how we figure things out….as like what’s here

I’m playing with my writing within the focus of figuring myself within existence out…as like I heard the phrase “FIGURE IT OUT”….and Ive been looking at the word figure specifically in figuring it out….as like I see and understand “it” as like the I T as internet technologies…as like all is a part of the total make up substance that encompasses here…

Ok, so I just figured me out kind of…as like If I become aware of all the words that make up the physical structure of my being here…it’s like adding up all the parts that make me here existing as I do within this physical body…and I consider that If I learn about all the functioning of the various parts of my physicality here…it’s like learning about all the technologies existent as like totally it….but within this…what about all the other types of Life…….what about every thing else that is here….words…physical words…describing what is here…

Day 355 Just Justifying Justification as Juxtaposition

Day 355 Just Justifying Justification as Juxtaposition

I noticed that there are layers within justification as I caught myself within writing, justifying justification as like just wanting to making my positioning clear as a just posed positioning…as like a self-imposed word manipulation sequences to assert the reasoning of embedded justification within myself.

I realised that so many things I have said have been realms of justification….I mean my writing here now…isn’t it but justification…as like how I see a connection as justification as like just-if-I-see-a tie-on…like how I have connected things so within my acceptances and allowances as reasoning…as my seeing has been within and as justification…as like what judgement isn’t justified so to speak…because judgement is made within and as justification…as like this is this because of this...and this is so because I said it so…because I reasoned it to be so within forms of logical manipulation….which is all kind of ridiculous absurdity….which brings the point of professionals within professions as justice justifiers…as like justification is opinionated responses to assert reasoned positioned responses as like where one stands within a point as what is accepted and allowed.

It’s funny in looking within justification because anything can be justified…as it’s like makeup so to speak…as like the hocus pocus you spell within and as the spelling of the words you say in a particular way to assert and confirm as a hard con…as confirmed justice as like insurance on a particular result that supports self-interest.

I asked the question, “How can I speak and communicate without justification?”…as like just saying things without creating just sayings as my justifications…you know…because why would I just be saying things…stating justifications as like self-imposed proclamations….like so much so, I’ve seen how I’ve contorted my communication in accordance with my feelings/emotions about things…as my justice posed positioning as like where I stand about a point…as like what’s my opinion about it…

I see though that it is possible in stepping out of justification into just saying things for the sake of saying things that require to be said as just sayings as like noble truths as like hard facts as like real justice here served cold as the brutal truth of matters without being sugar coated and warmed up with fluff within communication as like communicating with a cheezy buttery speech as like in a way making justification complimentary as like justifying the use of compliments as like a necessary component in breaking the ice within getting to know someone as like creating a bond of acceptances and allowance between acquaintances…as like having underlined motives within the cheezy buttery talk…that is totally fake that’s made and perceived to be real…as like being cloaked and enticed to invoke emotion and or feeling responses to hide the bitter cold hard truth of and as the matter.

Behaviour justifications is so ridiculously absurd as like I’m going to act this particular way because this is how I feel in this moment based upon the thought/opinion I have about this particular thing that I have used my superior intellect to logically reason as being righteously right as the correct correlation as I connected the dots within and as being an expert manipulator…I mean justifier…as like manipulation is the art of justification….like you want to sell something to someone…make the appropriate/necessary justifications…as like triggering a connection/response/impulse that cannot be denied….that accordingly acts as a  point of influence that puts one under the spell of justification as like the art of seduction…as sex always sells…and sex is the base frame work of creation here…and fuck…I was just fucking playing with what I was saying about justification…and it’s like I masturbated a sale here in pushing the point of just justifying a juxtaposition on how to seal the deal as like connect with a partner for business or pleasure of both as like a being that is just saying it so to get just results as like the starting point goal is justice within just great results…as like the confirmed handy man recognition of a job well done…as like a just masturbation….because if you can’t masturbate yourself well…how are you going to properly fuck anyone if you can’t do justice when you got your dick in hand or finger on the button?

Are you looking for justification?

Looking for justification is like a reasoning to be fucked….which is kind of funny when you think about how many people who are looking for love as like a potential partner of mate…as like the perfect prince charming or shining princess…as the object of affection that aligns within all realms of accepted and allowed justifications and sells you as you sell them on how we can buy into the justification together because were the one’s as like this is fate man…this is too good to be true….like what are the chances? What are the odds….odds aren’t even that’s why the balance is always skewed in favour of justification as like there’s always that missing percentile as like what’s a good enough score out of 100 that’s not 100? 99.9999999%? well that’s good enough you say??????? Bullshit I say as each point contributes to the whole number and without the contribution of all points here you got a score that is less than a perfect result………which is less than stellar as like stellar is fucking great…as like ya man that’s fucking awesome I get it, I got it…I see the whole point without any asterisk misnomers as like expectations to the rule that make me a just justifier without getting what it is I’m saying that I’m just justifying a position so that I can remain in flux as like a shaky building that wasn’t built with a sound foundation but but but but but……..but but but…as like the tell-tale sign of a giant asshole…as a grand old justifier as one that over uses the word “but” as a tool in the spell casting justification schism.