Day 773 - DOUBT

 

DOUBT:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which I have dis-empowered myself within and as a result of holding onto an energetic 'doubt' within myself, ...as the 'damned if I do and damned if i don't experience'....perpetuating a sort of stagnation, see sawing back and forth within myself...thinking maybe this way is best, maybe this way is best...a sort of stressful restlessness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within holding onto an energetic doubt within myself....is that what results is a whole lot of nothing...but a lot of humming and hawing...as like maaaaaaaybe......a lot of wasted time and energy into thinking about things, but never really actually doing anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making a wrong decision to such an extent that I would rather avoid making a decision all together. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not recognizing the the ridiculousness of this behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my existence to be a sort of doubt filled dwelling. As like just thinking of the possibilities without ever really pushing myself to act swiftly and promptly within and as my decision making process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the time wasted within and as the fear of making a bad decision...like by deliberately allowing more and more time to think about it.....that the point in question could in fact have been faced by making a decision one way or the other way....but by allowing such postponement on decision making, just allows one's life to compound in limbo....like a sort of state of purgatory....where it's like being fucked on both sides...as like being mind fucked out of the potential good and bad consequence of the situation. A great travesty/deception really.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the travesty and deception of allowing doubt to linger as a reason for indecision and postponement on decision making.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be cowardly in my thoughts/words/deeds as a result of resisting to take self-responsibility for the doubt inside myself.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to wait on making a decision, I stop and look at why this is in fact what I am doing. I self-honestly assess what is holding me back. I realize that in some instances there is much accounting to do before making a decision on particular matters. I realize it's not to push a polarized self-sabotage by superimposing that one must always be quick on decisions. I realize it's a point of practicality within and as the decision making process here. I realize it is a matter of being self-honest about the points that are here within myself...as this is the real accounting here....See the accounting here is the specifics of and as my word recognition's....because each word of consideration as like the main points is a sort of conglomeration of relationships being put together within myself...and so a key starting point is to write all the words down so to get clarity on the specifics of the accounting.

When and as I see myself wanting to postpone looking at things/decisions here, I stop and breathe, I make note of the specifics that i am deliberately looking to postpone/avoid. I recognize these points as the key points of the matter here...as the main points that need to be accounted for...as like there is some balancing required here...because these points...which can be represented by specific word relationships are out of alignment as how I am existing in relationship to them. So what is cool here, is that sorting myself out is a matter of vocabulary. Word recognition is the key to being effective in and as the world here. I realize there's no valid reason to take my acceptances and allowances personally from the perspective of punishing myself for what i have realized, but to actually move one.....'moving on' is key here...as the taking of self-responsibility in restructuring my life word/world relationships in ways that are best for all life. I realize in identifying the problem/issue, I in fact empower myself within and as self-responsibility to create/direct/develop a solution.

I commit myself to being bold in facing my accepted and allowed doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using doubt as an excuse and justification for non participation within my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate self-responsibilities within and as the acceptance and allowance of self-doubt as a reason and excuse to justify accepting and allowing inferiority within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to look and see how in fact the ego of superiority is glossed within and as the doubt of inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the correlation between doubt, ego, and blame as like a trinity of fuckedness as different angled ways in which one can create a mind fucked prison for oneself. I realize that there is other key words in which I have fucked myself in perpetuating a sort of doubtful existence, like justification, reasoning, logic, manipulation, self-sabotage....I realize that in a lot of ways, I exhibited a lot of ways to remain stuck within the core point here...and that being a real lack of self-independence and self-trust as the care taker and authority of me here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I have in fact forgot about living my life in so many instances as a result of accepting and allowing myself to exist as the very fear which permeates a doubt filled mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how a doubt filled mind is one of such fear, though ironically the fear of massive amounts of inferiority is so deeply hidden behind the surface layer of bullshit which is known and regarded as the positive back chat of super ego superiority where one asserts one's self-righteousness without actually really doing anything but scaring/separating the shit out of oneself, and ultimately missing out on a lot of awesome potential moments of shared enjoyment here. I realize and understand the isolation within and as the ego superiority of self-doubt. I realize the ridiculousness of perpetuating such an extensive bullshit story.

I realize that keeping the fearful doubt experience alive within myself is like deliberately trying to waste myself away here. I commit myself to stop wasting myself away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to invalidate myself to such an extent that I am searching and seeking for validation, and direction as some sort of answer as to what i should do....and ironically within all this, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand my self-authority, myself actualization, myself realization here, myself-honesty, myself-trust, myself-responsibility here...myself as the creator of myself here.

Day 772 - Life is a StandUp Comedy

 



It's funny you know, when you really get something, like you totally got it. I mean it's that moment of aha that can turn into a real hahahaha ohhh man that's funny, that's rich, that's just so great. pure gold. So money.

See, our lives are like an ever evolving learning process of self-expansion and recognition here, and we are all ways the butt of the joke. I mean we are the source of it all. We are in the house of mirrors and everything exists within ourselves and is mirrored outward as our external reality.

It's interesting to see, when we go for prolonged amounts of time without any relief... I mean, like, just perpetuating a build up of our own self-induced stress that we blame and judge and really believe it's all out there, outside of ourselves. So in a lot of ways, this is not so funny...and that is precisely the point....the knot in the funny....the knot in the fun, because we are too tightly wound, taking ourselves way too seriously, not recognizing the jokes, the points, the learning lessons, the mistakes, the problems and the solutions.

See, it's interesting; Self-honesty through accepting and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with ourselves here,...our self-in-to-me-I-see...our self-intimacy, the taking the time to look, to care, to in fact recognize the bits of things that are happening within ourselves here.

See, these 'bits' are the jokes....and it's interesting, because everybody has so many bits here, I mean, we are always working with bits of information, and so much so it's in these moments of working with information...and there's a plethora of ways in which this is so...the amounts of varying relationship dynamics is tremendous.  The jokes, the fun, the funny, is the balancing act of not taking ourselves too seriously within and as the work we are engaged within, because we are at work all the time so to speak...our very design is as a working body here,  i mean our body doesnt take a vacation every few days,.., it's an all the time thing.

So, in having some laughs while we work, while we share, while we converse, while we play, we allow ourselves to learn and grow...we are creating a natural learning environment for ourselves within ourselves by allowing ourselves to recognize our accepted and allowed moments of ridiculousness. I mean wow, if we really have a look...it's like so often we are missing out on the fun and the funny because we are not being self-honest with ourselves here. Faking to be cool when in fact that isn't really cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play it cool when shit is not all cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a too prolonged build up within myself without getting to the punch line, the joke recognition, seeing the ridiculousness that i have accepted and allowed.

I realize it's kind of funny to exist as a living joke and to within and as the joke, forget that,.. Tag, I am It.  Like, oh shit, I totally forgot what the fuck i was doing.....what i have been doing....oh man...fuck.  Looking back at my set, as my acceptances and allowances that are ridiculously unacceptable it's like wow talk about bombing. Wait no, don't say bomb if you are being recorded....oh shit is this blog being recorded....lolol.  But seriously, butt butt butt...we are the shit....the whole spectrum of it, it's like we got a giant ball of shit here, the planet and it's a matter of shit management, i mean shit, take a regard of the fact that if you don't move the shit through your body on a regular basis, you are going to fucking die,...maybe through explosion, maybe not.  Point being here, is that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I am always working and playing with a bit of some sorts, because that's the standup comedy life process here.

I realize it isn't to say, we must deliberate be fuckup's in order to be funny and have fun....no that would be dumb. Everyone is already a fuckup, Obviously myself included.  It's to self-honestly allow ourselves to recognize our weakness and to turn them into strengths, and to allow ourselves to play with these points of self-development.  Allowing ourselves to be cool in walking a point of weakness into a strength. Allowing ourselves to enjoy the journey/ride/adventure within and as our natural learning abilities here.

It's funny,

When we allow ourselves to be too hard on ourselves,

It's like we are deliberately creating a Hard-On within our minds,

You know,

A throbbing erection to mind fuck the shit out of ourselves with...

and it's like,

every time we allow ourselves to be hard on ourselves about something, it's like we are creating a new big dick inside ourselves,

as another big dick example to fuck ourselves with.

Excuse my Dick humor here,

I'm just dicking around.

Because you know,

it's kind of funny,

I mean realizing the extent to which we fuck ourselves is tragic,

Tragic comedy,

A divine comedy if you will,

because there is so much learning in store,

I mean we are all such a wealth of storage...

and it just so happens that sharing our realizations has the capacity to be both fun and funny.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back on showing myself the funny here, as the moments/points of ridiculousness that I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to look at the ridiculousness of myself within my acceptances and allowances as the source of funny.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the fun and funny I have within myself that is at the core of my being here.  I realize and understand that the fun and the funny are here for everyone, we are all a part of it, and it is in fact best shared as like we are each the story teller, and what's cool about a good story is the fun and the funny along the way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take it easy within recognizing difficult things I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to create a fearful frame of mind when I am faced with points that are challenging.  I realize that is ridiculousness, because going into a fearful mind state when things are difficult and unfamiliar, does not really assist and support oneself to move with a sort of effortless ease as the presentation of our in fact developed response abilities as the ways in which we are skilled and versed in movement.

I commit myself to sharing my process of life standup comedy.

I commit myself to encouraging others to share their life process of standup comedy.

I commit myself to share points of relationship that are easily relate-able, so that the fun and funny can be had by all.

I commit myself to educating through sharing stories/jokes of trials and tribulations.

I commit myself educating myself about others by being interested in listening to their stories of trials and tribulations.

I commit myself to being open minded.

When and as I see myself having difficulty communicating with someone, I stop and breathe, I have a giggle as I recognize I have been fucking myself unintentionally....which is pretty ridiculous....i mean to fuck yourself and not realize how you are fucking yourself is pretty fucking questionable...I mean what the fuck is going on!  SO, I recognize the specifics of the mind fuck, and I forgive myself and correct the discrepancy within myself as the point of conflict/friction/blockage that i had been brewing/building within myself.  I let it go.  I open up my ability to relate here. I see for real what is here,  I allow myself to return into and as Flow Here, by being completely open and at ease within myself here.


I commit myself to being a pillar of support in communicating with others.

I commit myself to gratitude within and as the process sharing of words here.

I commit myself to many daily word exchanges.

I commit myself to treasuring each and every word exchange.

I realize word exchanges are kind of like the stock exchanges...because words are instruments here of tremendous value.

I commit myself to cherishing my words and the words of others.

I commit myself to see the assistance and support in words always all ways.

Day 771 - The Sloooooooooow Down Secret

"Slow down, so you can see more of what is here"

Hanging out with family and friends is a great opportunity to test yourself.  The emotional feedback you get from family and friends will in most instances be stronger than that of strangers. Note: by emotional feedback, i am specifically referring to the reactions that come up in our own mind, as like what gets to us in one way or another where we are triggered.

When you allow yourself to slow down enough to specifically identify the reactions/triggers that come up in the mind, there is great potential to change the relationship dynamics in the moment, a real time change. What is interesting here is that it is a matter of self-recognition as our mirrored self-reflection here within and as our word and world.  See, traditionally within and as points of mind ego, We are reacting to the information we see.....what is interesting about this, is that we are in fact so close to the point of self-correction......self-identifying our own bullshit here.  See, in seeing bullshit about another, so much so, this bullshit that is getting to us, is a reflection of our own bullshit we are hiding from.

So,  in recognizing what points cause stimulation within ourselves...as like a sort of emotional or feeling reaction, where we are desiring to act out our release.....like we just got to say or do something....like, we are possessed to do so....the experience of we just got to do it.

Now in some instances, we can see and recognize the experience within ourselves and we stop our selves from playing out the bullshit, but we leave it there.  This is a cool starting point...the stopping the play out of the reaction...BUT, it is cool to keep on with the slow down approach and actually go into the specifics of the self-recognition here....the particulars of the vocabulary/points that are a bothersome/burden/stress/conflict.

See, in slowing down enough to look at the scope of the relationship dynamics of a situation, one's whole world changes....because it's like going from a tunnel vision perspective to a holistic perspective. Reconnecting, Remembering a piece of ourselves here.

A practical support point in looking at things is this:  Identify a point of friction, specifically see the judgement that comes up as a particular word or words dictating/defining a frame of mind.  In seeing our shit come up within ourselves...we can in the moment forgive ourselves, and so Learn the point in real time...because what opens up when we self-forgive a point of accepted and allowed separation, is that we realize and see things that have always been here that we just couldn't/didn't/wouldn't/weren't getting to See here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto judgments that come up within my mind within social situations that keep me in a state of possession and limit my ability to be sensitive and receptive to others in a way that is complimentary and gentle as the best support here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak bullshit as a result of speaking form the starting point of feeling/emotion possession.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how my own thinking is what perpetuates conflict in my world, because my thoughts present to me my accepted and allowed thought patterns..., the specifics of what i have built up over time within my body as the emotions and feelings i have formed impressions about in my body as the specifics of the self-definition picture frame of mind.   I realize and understand the self-corrective process in taking the time to see the High definition picture formation relationships i have constructed within my world through various lenses of ego superiority/inferiority relationship acceptances and allowances.  I commit myself to equalizing myself with all Life here, by purifying my thoughts/words/deeds.  I commit myself to self-forgiving and self-correcting points of ego that come up within my mind.  I realize my mind and environment are fantastic support structures here.  I commit myself to utilizing all the support and assistance I have here to in fact develop and create the best version of myself here.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I miss the humor of my own accepted and allowed ridiculous, my mistakes, when and as i resist slowing down to look at things for real, and in fact, take my time here.  I realize the irony of not taking my time, is that fact that i do not have any time, that my life has no substance.  Ironically, i see how it is an individual self-responsibility to make time for ourselves here. I see and realize our time as a shared commodity/privilege/potential here.  I realize our creation potential and learning capacity is within making time here, because it is within slowing down and taking the time to look and see, that we can actually recognize what is here, what is going on, and how best to contribute to the world here.

I realize that, in taking the time to investigate the specifics/particulars of our word/world relationships here,..., the more we do so, the more we have to share/give.  Ironically, we have more to share when we take the time to look and see what we got to give...and within this, it is quite fascinating to see how awesome it is to share something we really worked on make real here.  This is a fascinating realization of our self-development here, because it is taking the time to develop the particular dynamics of ourselves here, the more easily we can relate and share the best possible support with others here.  I mean, giving the best gifts, is fucking awesome, nobody wants a terrible gift. so it's a  matter of taking our time, slowing down to see for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which i have skewed my ability to see for real here in every moment.  I realize that my perception is skewed when i allow my point of view to be tainted within and as the energy of reactionary thought.  I realize and understand how the moment of  reactionary thought can be a sort of tipping point to getting to the point of focus and clarity within and as myself here.  I see and realize the focal pivot point of the energy of thought, a stepping stone of support in identifying the specifics of a personal weakness that is here in and as opportunity to become a real strength of my character/expression in Life here.  I commit myself to the identification process of the specifics of the energy movements that come up within me as thought.  I commit myself to utilizing all my thoughts as tools of support in strengthening my vision here in seeing the world with real eyes here, without filters as particular energetic biases that are self-destructive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the self-destruction within and as Ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to let go of ego.

I forgive myself for not realizing the irony within resisting to let go of ego, the fact and point of Slowing Down,..taking the time to see what I am doing here.

I commit myself to slowing down and looking at what I am doing here.

I commit myself to seeing what I am accepting and allowing here.

I commit myself to taking the time to learn from what I see here.

I commit myself to taking the time to relate to everything here.

I commit myself to listening to everything here.

I commit myself to sharing the best of myself here.

I commit myself to taking the time to create the best of myself here.

I commit myself to living the slow down realization of creation here as a point of slowing down in order to move more quickly as the self-direction of myself here in all ways.

I commit myself to slowing down and taking my time with family and friends,  I realize reactions are an indicator of being insensitive to slowing down and seeing family/friends as me here in another life.  I commit myself to facing the truth of myself in my participation's with family and friends.

I commit myself to sharing the results of my realizations within slowing down and taking the time to look at things for real.  I commit myself to letting my sharing of my realizations come through as part of my living expressions here.

Day 770 - The Lame Fear

You get what you don't want and You get what you want, so either way, you Get it.  Get It? Get It!  Got it.

I noticed I fear being Lame.  Like, I do not want to appear weak or lame or somewhat inept in my participation, whatever that may be.  Ironically enough, what you really don't want, you get more of..when your starting point is in opposition of that very thing...it's like a homeopathic remedy and equation in so many ways....where the thing that is here to support you the most, is the very thing you are "fighting" and in "conflict" about. Tragically ironic indeed.  It's like creating  more and more consequence, a bigger and bigger mistake...to either be the cause of one's demise...or the Very Solution Remedy Cure here.  Funny, because everything is it...and where shit gets complicated is in and as how we have tagged it. You know that very elementary game of Tag You are it?  The word spelling's we imprint as our character impressions...not realizing the forgeries we are creating, because it's a fake of sorts, a conscious/unconscious incompetence. Not as the Knot in and as our not realizing what we are doing to ourselves...our cells here in and as our world here.

I noticed how I have been perpetuating a mind fuck within my world participation's within this point of fearing to be Lame. In many ways this perpetuates a sort of inferiority/superiority play out of characters....where it's like I go into a sort of De-siding....I mean, deciding...as like a self-censorship within participating within a point, or a sort of self-righteous superiority/Inferiority.  Though, there is the alternative to both these conflicting realities...which is me being here, clear from fear.  Though the very instance of me having moments of being clear from fear is very questionable,...because it's like a moment of fresh air, a breath of life...and then it's gone and into some sort of self-perpetuating stagnation or drowning.  Like forgetting how to swim for a moment...ironically enough, it's more like disabling my swimming ability in a moment, as like choosing to impair my ability with the acceptance and allowance of fear to be the commanding authority in relationship to the points of ability in question as my response abilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the word Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I have allowed myself to have a fearful relationship with the word lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I have limited/suppressed my natural learning ability as a result of fearing to be Lame/Weak within a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the Irony relationship Tool and How it Links specifically with Fear in and as a Word Relationship.  As like a realm of Fear is at the core of accepted and allowed issues/conflicts/problems within an individual relationship. And, why this is so ironic, is because it is the very Fearful relationship with specific regards to the word in question that keeps the problem/conflict/mistake/misfortune alive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which i have self-censored my potential as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be in opposition/fear towards the word Lame. I forgive myself for not realizing the irony within fearing to be or be perceived as Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the extent to which process is a tragic/divine comedy play out here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how Irony can be a rather specific tool for investigating words, where you can use the word Irony as a sort of cross reference where you have a look to see if you are being ironically stuck within the very word you are making a concerted effort to investigate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how cool a tool Irony is within investigating words as like a fun and funny play to aid in and as the word investigation/exploration. - See more at: http://michaelwilliammcdonald.blogspot.com/2016/02/day-769-exploring-word-lame.html#sthash.hpDhwsRP.dpuf