DOUBT:
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to
which I have dis-empowered myself within and as a result of holding
onto an energetic 'doubt' within myself, ...as the 'damned if I do
and damned if i don't experience'....perpetuating a sort of
stagnation, see sawing back and forth within myself...thinking maybe
this way is best, maybe this way is best...a sort of stressful
restlessness.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within
holding onto an energetic doubt within myself....is that what results
is a whole lot of nothing...but a lot of humming and hawing...as like
maaaaaaaybe......a lot of wasted time and energy into thinking about
things, but never really actually doing anything. I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to fear making a wrong decision to
such an extent that I would rather avoid making a decision all
together. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not
recognizing the the ridiculousness of this behavior.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing my existence to be a sort of doubt filled dwelling. As like
just thinking of the possibilities without ever really pushing myself
to act swiftly and promptly within and as my decision making process.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to not realize and understand the time wasted within
and as the fear of making a bad decision...like by deliberately
allowing more and more time to think about it.....that the point in
question could in fact have been faced by making a decision one way
or the other way....but by allowing such postponement on decision
making, just allows one's life to compound in limbo....like a sort of
state of purgatory....where it's like being fucked on both sides...as
like being mind fucked out of the potential good and bad consequence
of the situation. A great travesty/deception really.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the travesty and
deception of allowing doubt to linger as a reason for indecision and
postponement on decision making.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to be cowardly in my thoughts/words/deeds as a result
of resisting to take self-responsibility for the doubt inside myself.
When and as I see myself accepting and
allowing myself to wait on making a decision, I stop and look at why
this is in fact what I am doing. I self-honestly assess what is
holding me back. I realize that in some instances there is much
accounting to do before making a decision on particular matters. I
realize it's not to push a polarized self-sabotage by superimposing
that one must always be quick on decisions. I realize it's a point
of practicality within and as the decision making process here. I
realize it is a matter of being self-honest about the points that are
here within myself...as this is the real accounting here....See the
accounting here is the specifics of and as my word
recognition's....because each word of consideration as like the main
points is a sort of conglomeration of relationships being put
together within myself...and so a key starting point is to write all
the words down so to get clarity on the specifics of the accounting.
When and as I see myself wanting to
postpone looking at things/decisions here, I stop and breathe, I make
note of the specifics that i am deliberately looking to
postpone/avoid. I recognize these points as the key points of the
matter here...as the main points that need to be accounted for...as
like there is some balancing required here...because these
points...which can be represented by specific word relationships are
out of alignment as how I am existing in relationship to them. So
what is cool here, is that sorting myself out is a matter of
vocabulary. Word recognition is the key to being effective in and as
the world here. I realize there's no valid reason to take my
acceptances and allowances personally from the perspective of
punishing myself for what i have realized, but to actually move
one.....'moving on' is key here...as the taking of
self-responsibility in restructuring my life word/world relationships
in ways that are best for all life. I realize in identifying the
problem/issue, I in fact empower myself within and as
self-responsibility to create/direct/develop a solution.
I commit myself to being bold in facing
my accepted and allowed doubt.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself for using doubt as an excuse and justification for
non participation within my world.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to abdicate self-responsibilities within and as the
acceptance and allowance of self-doubt as a reason and excuse to
justify accepting and allowing inferiority within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself for resisting to look and see how in fact the ego of
superiority is glossed within and as the doubt of inferiority.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the correlation
between doubt, ego, and blame as like a trinity of fuckedness as
different angled ways in which one can create a mind fucked prison
for oneself. I realize that there is other key words in which I have
fucked myself in perpetuating a sort of doubtful existence, like
justification, reasoning, logic, manipulation, self-sabotage....I
realize that in a lot of ways, I exhibited a lot of ways to remain
stuck within the core point here...and that being a real lack of
self-independence and self-trust as the care taker and authority of
me here.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to not realize how I have in fact forgot about living
my life in so many instances as a result of accepting and allowing
myself to exist as the very fear which permeates a doubt filled mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how a doubt
filled mind is one of such fear, though ironically the fear of
massive amounts of inferiority is so deeply hidden behind the surface
layer of bullshit which is known and regarded as the positive back
chat of super ego superiority where one asserts one's
self-righteousness without actually really doing anything but
scaring/separating the shit out of oneself, and ultimately missing
out on a lot of awesome potential moments of shared enjoyment here.
I realize and understand the isolation within and as the ego
superiority of self-doubt. I realize the ridiculousness of
perpetuating such an extensive bullshit story.
I realize that keeping the fearful
doubt experience alive within myself is like deliberately trying to
waste myself away here. I commit myself to stop wasting myself away.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to invalidate myself to such an extent that I am
searching and seeking for validation, and direction as some sort of
answer as to what i should do....and ironically within all this, i
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and
understand my self-authority, myself actualization, myself
realization here, myself-honesty, myself-trust, myself-responsibility
here...myself as the creator of myself here.
