Day 584 Self-Satisfaction/Stimulation Correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within relationships from and as the starting point of stimulation from and as the perspective of being a distraction and a point of creating the illusion of choice/freedom.




When and as I see myself being stimulated, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand that my physical stability here stems from and as my breathing here. I realize and understand how I have gotten lost within moments of stimulation, where I am buzzing in my mind and totally not present for my breathing here. I commit myself to be present here for my breathing. I commit myself to prevent/stop myself from getting lost within moments of stimulation. I commit myself to understanding the dynamics of every point of stimulation that exists within myself. I commit myself to stop getting distracted from responsibilities/obligations within and as stimulation as a point of distraction/escapism.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abdicating self-responsibility as a result of existing within and as relationships of stimulation from and as the starting point perspective of distracting myself from myself by fearing to investigate the nature of my thoughts/feelings/emotions.



When and as I see myself fearing to investigate the nature of my thoughts/feelings/emotions, I stop and breathe, I commit myself to investigating the nature of my thoughts/feelings/emotions, I realize and understand the self-support I garner from giving myself the opportunity of self-introspection/self-reflection. I realize and understand the process of self-investigation that I have embarked upon and that this is a most difficult journey to Life. I commit myself to gracefully walking the journey to life despite any difficulties I encounter along the way.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify existing within relationships.




When and as I see myself justifying my existence within a relationship, I stop and breathe, I investigate the self-deception within myself towards the point/relationship I am justifying. I realize and understand justification to be a point of self-deception. I realize and understand that I do not require to forge a connection as a like a make up a belief to validate my decision. I realize and understand the emotion/feeling instability of justification. I commit myself to stop creating justifications within myself. I realize and understand justification is a point of validating while trying to excuse and logically rationalize/reason/explain self-judgement to oneself. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of justification. I commit myself to prevent justification within myself. I commit myself to exposing the absurd ridiculousness of justification. I commit myself to educating people about the absurd ridiculousness of justification.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create self-manipulated logical reasoning as to why the meaning of my existence should revolve around this singular point of and as self-stimulation.




When and as I see myself justifying self-stimulation, I stop and breathe, I see and direct the window of opportunity here to change my course of actions, as I realize and understand justification is utilized as a point of self-suppression within and as a point of arguing for self-imprisonment. I commit myself to self-correct all points of justification as self-manipulated logical reasoning as to why the meaning of my existence should revolve around this singular point of and as self-stimulation. I commit myself to existing beyond stimulation.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making self-stimulation to be a point of conflict as either "right" or "wrong".




When and as I see myself judging moments of stimulation, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the impracticality of judging my experiences of stimulation/energy impressions, I realize and understand the stimulation is not about positive or negative stimulation but about me within and as the moment of stimulation as why I am reacting in and as that moment of stimulation...I commit myself to investigating memory impression experiences of stimulation/positive or negative energy. I commit myself to sorting out all conflict within myself. I commit myself to stop placing myself in conflict with myself as either right or wrong.

Day 579 The Question in Hearing and Seeing What is Here

It's interesting and shameful to see my relationship to and as what I hear within a moment. Why? Because I've noticed that in certain moments what I hear resonates so painfully clear with what I have accepted and allowedwithin myself. What's interesting to see within these particular moments of hearing here is that there is a point of profound self-reflection and the opportunity to assist and support that unfortunately gets misdirected within taking offense/defense to what I here...where the point of my self-reflection and self-introspection gets lost within and as my self-judgment as how I have defined what is here as separate from myself...and within this point of accepted and allowed separation, I see and realize that I react within the various realm of self-judgement, because it is as I define a point separate from myself and believe another to be separate from me that there real shame perpetuates because it's a point of hiding within myself where I want to focus on controlling another through the realms of my own self-righteous judgment where I have defined me as right and another as wrong and within this the point of seeing and communicating I am at a cross roads of sort...an accepted and allowed conflict...because what I hear here always exists within me...because if we regard the point of relativity and the point of how I hear as a reflection of my ability to process within myself...what I always here is therefore a reflection of me here.

So what I am starting to realize and understand is the unfortunate chain reaction that happens from time to time as the perpetuated play out in the interpretation of self-defining-judgment within and as how I hear here. 

I have been continuously given tremendous support from children with who I am grateful for the opportunity to work with on a daily basis teaching skiing.

I teach a particular child once a week for many consecutive weeks and this particular child reflects the points that I have attempted to hide from myself and what is interesting about this...is that I've resisted to investigate the extensiveness to which this child reflects points that exist within myself. So much so, that in many moments I would simply try to ignore the sounds coming from this particular child, because I was trying to protect myself from facing the points of self-correction within myself that are most unfortunate...and in this way...I see and realize my minds tendency within my self-created auto defense systems as a way to prevent me from really facing the roots of a point within total self-reflection...

So this particular child so clearly embodies the point of stimulation for self-satisfaction and is quite effective in directing/orchestrating his own personal self-stimulation and amusement as his constant continuous motion without particular regard for how his desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around him.

To Be Continued