Day 533 Ranting and Raving Friendship Judgement

There's hesitance in me to write this evening. A point that surfaced early in my day today was the point of attraction...where I saw and realized there is judgement within and as the point of attraction within myself. Like, I was looking at this with regards to friendship and the particular type of people I am interested in engaging and how there is so many people that I don't even register any particular interest to really engage. It's like an immediate judgement...where I size someone up and I see if this is someone who seems to align with all my particular self-interests. Like basically someone who is exactly like me...where It could be said, ya were on the same page...like I like this page and you also like this page....we got the same attitude about things. 

It's interesting how extensive this point is. I see how I am influenced by the presentation of people...like without really even knowing much about someone...just seeing them within a classroom setting...it's like I have tailored my picks of people to talk to based upon the way in which they are presented.

I see how my interaction with people has been conditioned within the veils of self-righteousness. Where I will or will not communicate with people so often because of my self-righteous judgement and the desire to align within and as my self-righteous judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being extremely self-righteous and judgmental about developing friendships/relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to develop relationships that are in my immediate environment out of spitefully holding out for a believed better person/people to develop relationships/friendships with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being close minded within developing relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to connect with people who are exactly like me within and as starting point attitude of shared self-interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing the expansion and development of relationships within my reality as a result of not realizing and understanding how spiteful and self-righteous I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how extensively I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my own nastiness as spite and self-righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have been influencing people with my accepted and allowed spite and self-righteous attitude of judgement as accepted and allowed hierarchy of inequality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being disappointed and shamed within facing unpleasant truths about the nature of my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for bullying myself and others within spite and self-righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding myself within the belief perception of and as an authority within and as self-righteousness where I believe and perceive myself to know and trust in my own self-judgement and self-righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being discriminatory within my communication as like being energetically inclined to want to communicate with people who have the same self-interests as me and less inclined to communicate with people who do not obviously appear to share the same self-interests as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging people based upon how cool I think they are...like even if they do share some of the same self-interests as me...like based upon how cool I think their external appearance is...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting my communication with people as a result of judging people's external appearance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a hierarchy of cool...as like believing myself to be the authority of cool as separate from others...and judging others as to where they fit in within and as the scale of cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being interested in letting go of self-interested judgments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto self-interested judgments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling guilty within seeing and realizing how extensively I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and discriminate against other beings within my reality.

TO BE CONTINUED

Day 529 Blasting the Music So Loud

So I'm in the library and I had been looking at the point of frustration and irritation where I realized and understood frustration and irritation to be a decision. Within looking at this, I realize and understand that there are many things that I have accepted and allowed within myself that have brought up reactions as frustration and irritation...as that it is necessary for me to face all the accepted and allowed points of irritation and frustration within myself in order to stop the decision to participate in frustration and irritation.

What's funny about this is that how long a point of frustration or irritation bothers me is totally my decision because when and as a point of reaction comes up within me, I can immediately take self-responsibility for the point and therefor not allow myself to be consumed within the point of reaction.

Interestingly enough, just after I saw this point of decision making with regards to frustration and irritation, this girl started blasting her music so loud through her headphones that is was loud for me to hear. I reacted initially to her behaviour as like what the fuck...were in the library this is suppose to be a quiet space. I looked at the point a little more and saw the point about how I used to blast my music so loud that others around me could here it and that I didn't really care because I was just kind of buzzing on the sounds of the music I was listening to...like allowing myself to get amerced within the music and totally disregarding my surroundings, like just kind of getting hooked on a feeling.

Initially I wanted to just create conflict with the girl. I paused for a moment here and checked myself,...like why was I getting so bothered by hearing the music. I mean how can stop accepting and allowing myself to be bothered by the music? Am I bothered by hearing the music because of what I have accepted and allowed within  myself?

Obviously the point is one of self reflection as I realize and understand that everything is always a point of self-reflection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being inconsiderate of others around me in blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my eardrums in blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for listening to my music so loud to get an energetic high feeling experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding any consequence of blasting my music so loud because I was more concerned with having the energetic experience that comes with blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming another for myself experiencing frustration and irritation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how this girl in the library assisted and supported me to see a point within myself that I was holding onto within and as a form of self-judgement...because I was accepting and allowing myself for condemning myself within this self judgment by being irritated and frustrated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that it is rude for someone to blast there music loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be offended by someone blasting their music real loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to have confrontation with the girl who is blasting her music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to have confrontation with the girl is blasting her music so loud.


So, I'm writing this blog in the library here in real time...and as I saw the point of resisting to ask the girl to turn her music down....I saw this point of resistance as what I got to move through and so I said to the girl, "excuse me, can you turn your music down it's really loud and my ears are really sensitive".....she then apologized to me and told me that she didn't even realize that her music was that loud. She was happy to oblige my request.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the point of speaking up in moments where there is a point of conflict as the solution to remedy the conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared to remedy conflict within my world by speaking up in moments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that communicating can be a point of awareness expansion as like in this particular instance I assumed that the girl was aware of how loud she was blasting her music...when in reality, she was not aware of how loud she was blasting her music...I also became aware that she had not been aware of this...and I became aware of the importance of speaking up and facing a point where there is potential conflict/confrontation because my speaking/sharing in and and as communication can act as a point of support for myself and others.

I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of fearing to speak up in a moment.

When and as I see myself faced with a point of reaction, I see and realize the practicality of immediately investigating the reaction within myself as I realize and understand myself as the starting point origin of the reaction manifesting and that the external point acted as the trigger/teacher....assisting and supporting me to see and realize a point of self suppression. I am grateful to immediately investigate moments of reactions as I realize and understand that their is an unlimited potential that can be gained from the process of self-investigation into the nature of our acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself to being steadfast within and as my immediate investigation into moments of reaction.

I realize and understand the self support in moving through points of resistance.

I realize and understand that moving through a moment of resistance is like changing my decision making process where I realise and understand the resistance is an accepted and allowed mistake and therefore I am in real time correcting the mistake and therefor preventing the mistake from happening again by standing up for myself and walking the living practical self correction as the remedied solution in the moment as what is best for myself as all Life.

I commit myself to making decisions that are best for all Life.

I commit myself to learning and expanding my awareness within and as communication.

I commit myself to expanding my awareness of myself through communication.

I commit myself to sharing my awareness with others as a point of self-support.