Day 793 - Mind Superior Royalty

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lock myself up within my word relationships in such a sneaky and deceptive manner of self-trickery that I resist to even speak or write about it....because the pain of self-condemnation as an Inferior and an Imbecile is heart breakingly embarrassing to myself as Mind Superior Royalty who is Superior to such characterizations and behaviours.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand the significance of my words and world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking authority for my world and words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate direction to misalignment within and as my word and world relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dismiss the extent of my errors and suppression within and as my relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor really extensively investigate myself within and as my words as the science and structured signs of myself here as how I have specifically created myself to be exactly as I am in this moment here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand how I created my world through and as the specific impressions i created within and as the words within myself and how it is my words that are in fact very questionable always as my words are the explanation to why my world is exactly the way it is. I realize my words are not valid as an excuse of justification for why and how I am here within and as the world. I realize who and how I have existed within and as the world as been an excuse and justification, in a way, my ignorance and incompetence, a lack of Life regard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for seeking stimulation externally to charge myself internally as how I have conditioned my preferences within my mind for feeding off of my physical body from day to day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust within my thinking as how to best feed off my body for energetic highs and lows as to give me the perfect chemical concoction i desire in the moment to satisfy a seemingly internal and external craving for more and more consumption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the addiction i have created within and as my mind to feed off myself, my life, all life as an energetic kick back. Conflict.

Tension for the attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to crave the continuous pulsation of tension within my body to feel something, because without a constant stressing and straining in way of engagement i have an experience of being unfulfilled.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to get my fill of consumption, a point of tension in creating rifts, conflict, as various forms of self-abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how extensively integrated my conditioned behavior and personality is for destructive self-abuse...and therefore world abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to get real, make the daily commitment to deconstruct my constructions of word/world relationships that i exist in and as separation to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck around with actually living words for real and creating myself and world as I would like.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make believe that really investigating myself within and as Words is something that is not totally necessary....is entertaining and enjoyable but at the same time a lot of effort and work and therefor avoidable and personally i rather go about this process of word/world entanglement in a less than organized and structured manner because the task and process is overwhelming to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed with the process of word and world entanglement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i must think of everything before i can really do anything.\

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding myself back from playing and working on Potential developments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how One in fact goes about Creating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist being totally self-honest with myself here and that I haven't understood Creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking inferior to others in my understanding, knowledge and application of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to penalize myself within and as a result of conditioning myself to be controlled through fear of not Knowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the process of Know thy Self, is to in fact stand in the face of Not Knowing, and to from here, Walk, take the steps to: Investigating, Learning, Asking Questions, play and work with things so that I know.

Day 792 - Royally Fucked

Royally Fucked

“I realize all forms of Inferiority and Superiority are essentially the same thing as points of self-suppression and that it's like Inferiority is less suppression than superiority....where superiority is superior suppression. Funny to see the irony of suppression within Inferiority and Superiority where it's Inferior suppression and Superior Suppression.....like fucked and double fucked.”

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having become so used to being royally fucked that I experience myself as uncomfortable in being less than royally fucked. Where being less than royally fucked, feels strange and almost embarrassing and shameful...where i should want to fuck around more so i can get back to being royally fucked. The irony is profoundly fucked lol.”

The Fact that within our world we have the word “Royalty” and “Royal” is an indication of the ingrained Debt Servitude relationship as Inferior and Superior. This is showcased well as the basis of energetic conflict within and as Mind. Polarization. Friction. Battle. War. Slave Mentality.

What do I mean when I say, “Debt Servitude”?

Servicing and Creating Debt. In Service of Debt. Like Debt is the Superior and the Service is Inferior. Where the Debt and the Service need each other to exist...because it's like a point of both being incomplete without the other one...and so each is bound, bonded to the other.

Relation Fucked. Meaning, the basic framework in which relationships are designed is within and as this debt based construction of More than and Less than. Money has become the medium to support the servicing of charges. Energy is another expression and outflow of money. Meaning, Our positive feelings and negative emotions as our relationships to everything here.

Why Relation Fucked?

Relation Fucked, because the basic mode of conditioning, our behaviour within and as mind set up has been, Royally Fucked. Ironically, it is because of our own Accepted and Allowed Royal Acclaim. And our own accepted and allowed Royal Servants. Where each is a manifested representation of ourselves here in all ways and our reaction/impression about it, is like valid confirmation for mind justification in continuing to mine and mind the feeling and emotion about what we see....because what we see is what we are...and it's been going on for so long as the Specificity in Definition Impressions. Where it's like we just layer and layer and layer the Self-Deception. Only, we don't regard our behaviour necessairly as draconian...but more of a sort of human evolution of our greatness...and that our greatness is just very complex and sophisticated like our intelligence...I mean deception. Cough Cough.

Where am I going with this bit, “Royally Fucked”

It's a point of self-reflection for me in and as the world here. Where I am in the process of taking responsibility for all characterizations of myself here. Removing the Separation existent within myself as how I separated myself from all characters here by believing myself to be an individual character that is totally a Separate Setup from all other characters here. See, it's interesting because we have the whole spectrum of characterizations within ourselves...and it's a range of vocabulary and a range of feelings and emotions...just as we have a range of colour here that makes up the spectrum of colour. Point of Investigation is ourselves here as Life.....What is Life...Life is Sound. So in really investigating through words the structure of myself and the world, word by word in a way where I can specifically investigate how I have articulated...made my artistry into the point of ecstasy excretion through perpetually suffering and torture,  making slave labour by keeping my Body and Beingness in a state ingrained debt servitude to my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I created the design and definition of Royalty within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how the definition of royalty existent within my body and mind as supported the world as a whole being exactly the way it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to really go into myself to see who and how I am existing within and as my mind as Royalty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to face myself as Royally Fucked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny and suppress myself here as Royalty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the suppression of myself as Inferior to Royalty because of various phrases such as: “its just the way things are”, “there's just royalty and non royalty”, “our family just isn't the royal one”, “not everyone can be royal”, “Royalty wouldn't exist if everyone was royalty”, “royalty is a necessary position and part of our world and society”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into conflict with “Royalty” where I would be angry and frustrated with the status of the world, my words, myself here....while most of the time, only projecting my disgust outwards onto others I define as Superior to Me here in this world as for instance the Queen of England and her Royal Family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame people in this world who are regarded as Royalty for the problems within and as the class system of inequality existent within humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to fight against the world out of frustration for my understanding of the relationships that exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to really take the time to place myself as each individual thing here....to really stand in and as each One here in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created a preference towards conflict and destruction over collaborative structured creations. I realize the ridiculousness of fighting for my limitation. I realize that working together is to get things done...is to actually move as the point of democracy here...in making things happen as a result of weathering the weather as a result of creating the ripple that is the momentum that moves the current which is currency which is our weather system which is our water which is our weather, which is our environment.

I realize I like to use synonyms for words, as this is like this and this is like this and this is like this....I realize this is a support in seeing how words are capable and able of supporting and assisting each other in working and playing together as a form of compliment and complimentary action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my usage of words and how I create the flow of my words in sentence structure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the judgment and condemnation of others for the flow and presentation of myself here in and as Word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become apathetic within and as my Words...specifically the structuring and the sounding placement of how I lay things out. I realize I created an apathy towards practically structuring my reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create Apathy within myself....and within this, justify the suppression of my ability to structure and create new Potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lock myself up within my word relationships in such a sneaky and deceptive manner of self-trickery that I resist to even speak or write about it....because the pain of self-condemnation as an Inferior and an Imbecile is heart breakingly embarrassing to myself as Mind Superior Royalty who is Superior to such characterizations and behaviours.

To be continued

Day 791 - Inferiority and Money

 I found some self-forgiveness writing I had done some time ago on "Inferiority and Money".  Interesting, I had some resistance to sitting with my words here.  So here they are:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and superimpose this sort of inadequate self-acceptance in relationship towards money and activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put pressure onto myself to explain my financial situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to question being vulnerably open about money and expenditures.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to brag about wealth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a sort of inferiority/superiority character construction play out in regards/relationship to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of inferiority within myself where i experience a sort of needing desire to explain myself to another in a way where they see me as all sorted out...well put together and well taken care of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be very concerned about how others regards and perceive me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a Want,.....specifically a Want to be regarded and perceived in a certain manner.....a manner where I am generally regarded as Superior to others....especially in regards to matters of Money, and quality of Life, and overall Well Being, and Intelligence/Awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project competition outside of myself from a starting point of separation where I create a want to explain myself to others from a a starting point of separation.....where within this, I go into the experience of justification as an outflow form of belief...in believing i must say this and this so that so and so knows this and that about me...and so they can perceive me in this way.

Asking myself what comes up...why the resistance here?

The Fear of Seeing myself within acceptances and allowances that are less than admirable in my own mind.

In my own mind I am great, the most superior, even in points of skill development i haven't yet developed, the belief is there that i can if i want to, that i can do whatever I want, that i really don't have many limits or walls on my physical ability....and for me it is simply a matter of making a decision to do whatever it is I want to do.

My general Attitude is that I get what I want. If I want it, I got it. My will is my way. I can figure out any problem.

To Investigate myself acceptances within Inferiority is an Unmasking of myself as the hiding I created as a sort of defense mechanism within my mind...to in a way, keep me locked within an Elitism mentality of Self-Righteousness where I keep the Fight for Survival alive where I am always superimposing myself as a Winner in relationship to the deep down self-acceptance of myself as a Loser.

This goes deep into myself here, and the seriousness of competition I place upon myself as like the pressure and buildup i carry around and let loose....though it's interesting because it's like I have held myself back from being One and Equal as Life here, as my Potential to be a Real Team Player, because of this point of Inferiority....Inferiority to such an extent where i dismiss and discount myself. So much of this has been hidden from me in really seeing clearly, because I always deflected self-responsibility, self-reflection away from myself and built up a wall of self-denial in so many ways....where it's like I've always been trying to be clever in building up my defenses within myself where I can mess around.

Ironically, this messing around and avoiding the deep seated truths of myself has been anything but easy. Sure, I've made things look easy at times, but it's been an act of sorts to play down an effortful performance. It's like I've become an expert in deception. Specifically specializing in self-deception, Masking myself disregard, accepted inadequacy with Superiority, and self-imposed greatness as a sort of religious belief about myself that was logically justified one day as a result of the thinking, 'this makes sense, if i am to be great, i must believe myself to be great, i must say it” Within this, there is some coolness....but, not all the way there, because i didn't totally own these words as myself, where i didn't totally live this as me...it's like i just took on a glossed on the top attitude and persona of greatness to cover up how I've really felt about myself for a long long time....so long that i didn't even understand how I could accept and allow myself to be Inferior. I didn't even know what Inferiority was, but I took it on. I accepted it within my mind....and from that moment it's like I've been in an internal conflict of Inferiority versus Superiority where Superiority must triumph over Inferiority to self-validate the experience of worth while and valuable. To be wealthy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand the irony of Inferiority versus Superiority where Superiority must win because it's like the experience of Inferiority is Superimposed within Superiority to existing as Super Inferior, where it's the experience of being Better, Winning, feeling more than that which you define as Less than. Which, is quite funny in and of itself because it's like hey, “I'm going to fight for my limitation here....see I've defined myself as 'less than' this particular thing...and so I am going to fight to become even less than this particular thing....but I will feel mighty and powerful over this point i accept and allow myself to be Less Than....So much so, I will trick myself into existing as 'more than'...and it will be gloriously victorious”

I forgive myself to suppress myself within self-definitions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent to which i suppress myself within my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to superimpose suppression upon myself as a result of resisting to investigate and in fact purify my word and world relationships where I see I exist in some sort of Inferiority or Superiority.

I realize all forms of Inferiority and Superiority are essentially the same thing as points of self-suppression and that it's like Inferiority is less suppression than superiority....where superiority is superior suppression. Funny to see the irony of suppression within Inferiority and Superiority where it's Inferior suppression and Superior Suppression.....like fucked and double fucked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance to being less fucked than I previously was.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having become so used to being royally fucked that I experience myself as uncomfortable in being less than royally fucked. Where being less than royally fucked, feels strange and almost embarrassing and shameful...where i should want to fuck around more so i can get back to being royally fucked. The irony is profoundly fucked, lol.

To Be Continued with: “Royally Fucked ....Maybe, Just, Royally Screwed”