Day 649 Justifying Reactions is a Tragic Comedy

It's interesting to see how ridiculous it is to justify reactions. Like, for instance, in a moment where we act out an outlandish and ridiculous behaviour as a way to validate the emotion/feeling as a judgement we had created in relationship towards a past action.

I've noticed how I have had a tendency to make sense of an emotion/feeling/thought by perpetuating it...where I would justify it so to speak...as like a going into a make belief...making sense of the experience of myself by buying into participating within the reactionary energy...which is ridiculously absurd...because the reaction in the first place was and is always ridiculously absurd... and building off that as a result of creating more thoughts/feelings/emotions about it...just compounds one's mind fuck.

What I have noticed within this, is that there is in fact always a split second decision available to me where in fact I do not have to exist within and as reactionary energy...where I in fact have the opportunity to stop, breathe, see my initial reaction that has come up within me, let it go and learn from my mistake.

What is interesting about this is that in many instances there has been like an urge/justification within myself to follow out a reaction playout...as like this is a a way to assert my righteousness and feel good...like there is an initial shame within actually seeing my mistake/error/misunderstanding/reaction, and therefore wanting to shift away from the so called "bad" of this mistake/error/misunderstanding/reaction and into the "good"...and what is interesting about this is that there is nothing really "good" about perpetuating reactionary behaviour within myself...as this reactionary behaviour I have come to realize and understand is unnecessary stress/strain/abuse that is done unto the physical body.

I see/realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of wanting to showcase reactions towards particular situations as like a belief within needing to be self-righteous and prove myself..

I see/realize/understand how ridiculous it is to make the decision to lose control within reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how absurdly ridiculous it is to perpetuate participation within a reaction for even another moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how absurdly ridiculous it is to believe I need to qualify my reactions to others...as like I am selling them on buying into my perceptual mind fuck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to play out a reaction energy as a manipulation tactic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating my physical well being within reaction energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying moments of reaction within myself by making the decision to perpetuate the experience of reaction within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating within negative/positive reactions in hope and desire of receiving a reaction from another that I can leverage to perpetuate a positive buzz within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself negating self-responsibility and accountability for all of my positive and negative reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being judgmental about mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my natural learning ability is suppressed within making the decision to be judgmental about my mistakes. I see/realize and understand how I am able to learn at my utmost potential when and as I embrace my mistakes, so that I see my reactions for what they were...so that I can perfect and direct my actions in a way that is best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I need to prove myself to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying reactions as a necessary way of making sense of the experience of myself in a moment...as like a constant re-enforcement of programming conditions/restraints on myself expression here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being careless within and as participation within reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting the well being of myself and others within being self-righteous in making the choice to react in particular moments. I see/realize and understand how I am able and capable of making the decision to help my self by stopping to participate within the play of and as reactionary energy that has surfaced within my mind.

I commit myself to accountability for my actions.

I commit myself to learning from my mistakes/reactions without delay.

I commit myself to stop justifying reactions within myself.

I commit myself to stop seeking approval within and as participation within reactions.

I commit myself to stop creating a need to perpetuate reactions within myself.

I commit myself to exercising patience as I move through the depths of my mind and take self-responsibility and accountability for every moment of emotion/thought/feeling instability.

I commit myself to living self-stability as who/how I am here.