Day 784 - "Let me Tell You"

Communication is a really fascinating endeavor, Isn't it?

I mean, an Endeavor can be regarded in a Plethora of ways, can't it?

Where am I going here with my focal point?

Let me tell You:

I've become aware that in many instances I have communicated from a starting point of "Let me Tell You", with a specific emphasis on the positive feeling or negative emotion that comes up within me connected to a desire to say my piece about whatever the point in question happens to be.  In many instances, my telling is a suppressed form of sharing....because my starting point has often been conflicted to some extent.  Not always, but in many instances...Like, specifically when there is an urge to say something...You know, that experience of I got to tell you this now...like oh man, i was triggered by something you said and now i got to let you know what i think about that.

And within this starting point of "let me tell you", there's a whole range of emotion and feeling reactions.  Some of them are subtle and some are intense, and some are somewhere in between subtle and intense.

Who really cares about the quality of communication anyways?  I mean, isn't the most important thing that we just say whatever it is that comes up within ourselves?  You know, like, we are all just shit shooters....shooting shit at each other and making a big deal about shit that isn't really substantial but is just inflated shit that has no real core depth about it...you know, that surface and petty bullshit being flung around.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak from a starting point of being worked up within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thing the importance of what i have to say is determined by the energetic build up inside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the quality of my communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-sacrifice quality of words for quantity of words...as like in a way sexualizing my vocabulary and just wanting to get a rise in a way....so it's like how many times times can i get off, a rise, feel an energetic high and get a release with what i say.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the extent to which i have justified speaking a sort of venom within my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify spewing shit/venom because of the experience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to recycle participation within energetic mindfucks within myself.  I realize my capacity to effectively live the accounting for my words here, because i am here within and as my words everyday.  I realize my responsibility to investigate the purity of my words and sounds.

I commit myself to purity in thoughts, words and deeds.

I commit myself to investigatng the purity of my thoughts, words and deeds.

I commit myself to listening to the quality of my sound.

I commit myself to substantiating the equality and oneness of myself here.  I realize my sound in and as my words is a cool cross reference check point.