Day 528 Food Religion Self-Corrections

I commit myself to taking the time to practically test many different foods out and see what works best for me.

I commit myself to not create beliefs about foods being good or bad for me without doing a thorough investigation.

I commit myself to enjoy food preparation and consumption.

I commit myself to eat as a point of physical body support.

I commit myself to stop eating from a starting point of emotion.

When and as I see myself judging and future projecting what I think the experience will be like of me eating a particular food/meal, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand that it is not necessary nor practical for me to make believe perceptions of how I will experience food prior to eating the food.

I commit myself to stop having a self-righteous attitude about food/nutrition/healthy eating.

When and as I see myself doubting a decision to try something, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand doubt to be a point of uncertainty as like specifically fearing the uncertainty of a moment as like what could manifest as the consequence, I face embrace and face the uncertainty of the moment and I walk/stand within and as the decision with self-trust. I realize and understand that if I learn that I made a mistake, that I can prevent the mistake happening in the future by making a better decision...as like a decision that aligns with a result that is best. I realize and understand that I am in the process of figuring out what are the best decisions in every moment, and therefore it is ludicrous for myself to be judgmental of the realization and awareness when and as I see that I learned from a mistake and in the future would not make the same decision as I had previously made.

I commit myself to learning from my mistakes.

I commit myself to experimenting.

When and as I see myself having backchat about a particular food or meal, I stop and breathe, I look and find the earliest memories within myself as the origins that has perpetuated this line of thinking within myself,...I investigate memories and forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating particular energetic charges upon the memories. I realize and understand how I have been influenced by the specific memory impression I created.

When and as I see myself worrying/fearing to get fat from eating, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand that having and holding onto thoughts like this is what is really fattening because it's like useless extra weight that weighs upon me as like a form of self-judgement/stress/fear/worry/strain that is in no way supportive to me being here. I commit myself to finding the origins to such thinking processes and forgiving myself to release myself from carrying around dead weight as like stress/strain/fear/worry/emotional memories that are based in and as separation as a result of being absent from and as self-realization and seeing the whole picture here.

I commit myself to stop taxing/weighing myself down with useless thoughts.

I commit myself to stop using food as like a drug,,,as like a temporary escape from reality.

I commit myself to stop rushing the food that I eat.

I commit myself to take my time and be aware of the food that I am eating.

When and as I see myself desiring to eat my meal as fast as possible, I stop and breathe, I realise the neglect within rushing to eat my food...like fearing that I need more food...and that If i don't eat my food fast enough, I wont be able to get more food.

I commit myself to stop judging how much food I will need before I begin eating.

I commit myself to think that I must eat all the food that I prepared regardless if I am really hungry or not.

I commit myself to stop believing that I always need to eat big meals.

I commit myself to stop perpetuating the belief that when I go out to eat I should get the biggest meals possible because a bigger meal is often times of more value than getting a smaller meal.

Day 527 Decision Making Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my potential within decision making that does not best assist and support myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying decisions because of holding onto self doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my self-responsibility within decision making...and within this realizing and understanding that there are so many moments of decision making within a single day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself within decision making to appease people around me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the consequences within allowing myself to compromise my best interests within decision making.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to speak up and make my decisions within a group dynamic where I express myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to offend others within making decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing conflict with others within making decisions to best support myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made the decision to resist making decisions when my decision may result in conflict with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making the decision to suppress myself within decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to making decisions for myself and just move along in agreement with the decisions others are making.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lack self-direction within decisions to best support myself as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made the decision to want as little responsibility as possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent of which I am able to express myself within taking self-responsibility for myself in making lots of decisions daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to be patient within making decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for prolonging decisions and commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for procrastinating on the point of decision making.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing for taking offense/defense to conflict that is presented towards my decisions.

When and as I see myself resisting to make a decision, I realize and understand that resistance is a decision and that I can make the decision to stop accepting and allowing resistance, because resistance is really valid...it's a mind fuck. I realize and understand my ability to be creative in self-expression through making decisions from the starting point of putting myself first to see how I am able to best support and assist myself....because I realize and understand that I cannot effectively assist and support anyone else effectively if I do not make decisions to assist and support myself first.

I commit myself to make decisions from the starting point of putting myself first.

I commit myself to stop procrastinating on decisions.

I commit myself to realize and understand practical living exists within making decisions.

I commit myself to expressing myself through understanding and realizing what it means to be practically living here as what is best for myself as all Life.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing self doubt within myself.

When and as I see myself fearing to make a decsion and or fearing conflict within making a particular decision, I realize the ridiculousness in suppressing myself by fearing conflict...I realize and understand how I am able to direct/deal with conflict as like the means to conflict resolution by not accepting and allowing myself to fear conflict.

I commit myself to resolving conflict within myself.

I commit myself to stop procrastinating on decisions.

Day 526 Making a Decision Story Part 2

Continuing with the Making a Decision Story experience blog from the previous day. Will resume the Food Religion blog soon.

Before I began to write here I decided I should re-read the previous blog to make sure I am continuing without missing anything...the point that jumped out at me was the following: justification. I noticed justification specifically towards the end of the blog after I had mentioned that I made the decision to stop skiing for the day. I made a bit of a justification by stating a particular reasoned justification to support my decision for having decided to stop skiing and not continue with the group who planned to ski all day. The point I use as justification is that I will be teaching skiing this winter.

Upon re-reading the previous blog and seeing the point of justifying my decision to stop skiing for the day....I was like "what the fuck?" "so if I didn't have future plans it would have been ok for me to ski all day despite the fact that i was physically fatigued with extremely sore feet?"

I see how ridiculous it is for me to throw justifications on top of decisions to like make myself feel better for not continuing to participate within a particular action. It's really in vain because the starting point is kind of whack....because it represent me making a decision and looking/wanting re-assurance in the decision I am making, so then I project what I want to hear as like a way to strengthen the case for the specific decision I made.

This morning I planned to go skiing again today.  Many of my muscles felt physically strained. I wanted to go. I didn't want to have physically strained muscles. I didn't want to say No to my buddies that I wouldn't be going skiing today. I didn't want to let them do. I thought I am here to ski and If I dont ski than I am wasting my money.

I saw the point of being controlled by money in making a decision to ski today because I already had a lift ticket purchased.

I saw how that physically I really did not want to ski today. I saw how mentally I was kind of wanting to ski. I see how I was allowing myself to consider going out of fear of losing the money that a single lift ticket costs. I see how I considered compromising physical comfort and rest in order to prevent the fear of missing out on an opportunity/savings/money. I see how I accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the fear of missing out on an opportunity/savings/money.

Day 525 Story of Making A Decision

I was skiing today for the first time this winter. I was skiing with a bunch of people who wanted to ski all day. I said I was tired...my feet hurt from the new ski boots I bought...initially I was thinking I can't just stop I got to keep moving with what the group wants to do. And after I acknowledged about half way through the day that I had enough skiing and was physically tired and was going to ski back to the chalet which was quite a long way away. A couple other dudes within the big group said they planned to do just 2 more runs and that they would be able to give me a ride back to my buddy's place where I was staying...the buddy I refer to is one of the people in the group who wished to ski all day.

So I said ok in thinking that I could compromise and do 2 runs instead of 1. Interesting that point of making a compromise...like why ever compromise physical well being?

So as I started traversing across the top of this big mountain, I told the 2 dudes who planned to do 2 runs that I was just going to do this one last run and that I would wait for them at the bottom if they want to do 2 runs. It's interesting because they decided that they were fine with doing this one last run.

I see how in some instances there are things that I would like to do within a group participation as like what other members of the group are doing. Like in this particular instance, skiing all day. Within looking at the point, it wasn't practical for me to force myself to participate in that particular manner...that in fact, forcing myself to ski all day so that I am following along with the group could have been quite consequential to my health/physical well being.

What's interesting and I see as cool from this ski story experience of making a decision to support myself regardless of what others peoples decisions are.....was the fact that I wouldn't have been able to do another run effectively...like it was a struggle for me to perform my skills effectively on that last run even....like I had pushed myself so hard physically already...that my muscles were fatigued...and thus  it was making my descent much more challenging than if I were not fatigued.

At the moment I am committed to teach skiing all winter...and well....putting myself in a situation where I have specific physical tasks to perform and my physical stability is compromised is dangerous and reckless......

I see here how I probably should have called it quits a run earlier. I see how I conformed to the group mentality of not wanting to deviate from the group mentality of wanting and desiring to move along with what the group wants to do. 

I see how I resisted making a decision to make a decision that is best for myself within desiring to follow along within the majority group.

I see how  it is crucial that I make decisions from the starting point that is what is best for me and that I do not accept and allow myself to compromise what is best for me within wanting to conform to peer pressure as like not wanting to move away from the group.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the judgement of others saying something about me making a decision to move out of a particular participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to stop participating within activities that others wish to continue participating in, out of fear of being regarded as weak and less skillful within the activity .

Day 524 Food Religion Part 3

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for making decisions as what I want to eat based upon asking myself what I would like to eat...like what I feel like eating and then going for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for going for it in moments where I ask myself specific questions and I get specific answers/solutions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for second guessing my decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that it is necessary for me to be constantly 2nd guessing myself as a means to making sure that my decisions are the best decisions made.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making bad decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to miss out on making a better decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my relationship with food and specifically the decision making process reflects all other area/relationships in my Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my acceptances and allowances within and towards particular relationships can carryover and influence myself within other and or new relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being indecisive within relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being indecisive within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the consequences so much of making a wrong decision that I did not realize and understand the consequences of indecision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the procrastination/fear/paranoia attached to indecision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the point of fear of commitment within the decision making process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to make a bad promise to myself as like a promise I can't keep...or a promise I shouldn't keep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to change promises and or commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling like a failure and a disgrace if I need to re-align a commitment/decision/promise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect no major mistakes within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to trust myself to go for it within and as making decisions based on the simple practicality of asking myself what I would like to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a hard time towards putting myself first within making decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that decisions that are best for all Life must be some sort of compromise between putting myself first and putting all of life first.....and within this I see and realize how I separated myself from and as all of Life within and as my perception of how the decision making process works as like making decisions seemingly so difficult as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be in conflict with all of Life....as like myself existing separate from all of Life.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for deciding to separate myself from and as all of Life within and as my decision making process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to give myself a hard time within and as the decision making process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the point of seeing and realizing how realizing how I have chosen to give myself a hard time within and as the decision making process.  I realize and understand the ridiculous absurdity of such actions.   I realize and understand that as I stop trying to choose what to do...that I am actually in fact able to decide what to do as I realize and understand the starting point of decision making is the removal of sides as like different points of view and perspectives in conflict with one another as like this side of the line or this side of the line....when the decision is in fact the whole point as like all the perspectives, angles around a point and therefore a decision is like a a point of enabling oneself to see the variables within a point and making a decision based upon seeing the various variables within a point.

Day 523 Food Religion Part 2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be judgmental about food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for discriminating and limiting the potential support 

I can garner from food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having bad attitudes about the food I put into my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for spiting my body and the food I eat by accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the food I eat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having an elitist attitude about food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting the oneness and equality of and as food…as like it is what it is…and that placing labelled judgments about foods without investigating them can in fact be damaging and detrimental to my well being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to believe what other people believe about foods being good or bad without effectively testing the point with my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting my physical body self-expression within eating food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming food on the condition of my physicality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being paranoid about what I eat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring a more athletic physique.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within conflict while eating food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat as a point of stress relief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the practical self support within taking the time to really enjoy my food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being ungrateful for the food I eat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take eating food for granted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be religious about food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for worry about food being supportive for my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding physical expression within eating food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to zone out within eating food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing  myself for not realizing and understanding the importance of appreciation within and as the food I eat as like a point of gratefulness/gratitude.

To be Continued

Day 522 Food Religion

My relationship with food has been somewhat judgmental, within particular moments self-righteously justified. Where I bought in and subscribed to particular beliefs about some foods being bad for me and some foods being good for me. Within creating judgements about what foods I put into my body, I noticed an interesting thing beneath this all….how I adopted particular attitudes about foods and judgments about eating different foods…within taking on the desire to be in better shape…like more physically fit. What’s interesting about this is that I turned a supportive relationship with food into a destructive relationship with food as a result of desiring to be in better shape. Like what happened here is that I placed myself in conflict with much of the food I eat, or would like to eat…and in doing so accepted and allowed myself to create blame towards particular types of food. So much of this starting point of just wanting to be in better shape, stemmed from believing that I could get more out of my relationship with food, like I could better support myself to be stronger in physical body. I see here that I had created judgements about my physical body as not being strong enough or in good enough shape. So here I see the ridiculousness of holding onto the belief that my physical body is just not good enough and that I need to make it better.  Never really considering that it’s been my mental attitude as like my relationship towards myself.

I see how I created paranoia with regards to food. Where often I would look at what I want to eat, and judge what I think will happen if I eat that….also creating like a form of guilt towards eating things I don’t believe I should be eating…as a result of creating a scale of values towards food, entirely deduced through and a form of logical assumptions without really knowing and understanding how I can garner support and assistance within eating foods.  I’ve come to see and realize that placing my body in a state of stress/fear/paranoia prior to giving my body food is harmful….because it’s difficult to do any physical task to the best abilities when holding onto mental fears.

It’s interesting that I believed I can better myself by taking on more beliefs.

Like by creating more separation through accepted and allowed judgments I believed that I was taking initiative to really care about my physical wellbeing. I justified this as valid because I didn’t previously do this…and within not previously doing this…and seeing so many people do this…I believed that I must be neglecting my wellbeing…and therefore should start to care for myself more by being like others who I see and hear have particular beliefs about foods. It’s like I wanted to be part of the food cult. Like a sense of growing self-righteousness…believing myself to be smarter and better by making certain choices.

I see everything here that I eat is a reflection of me here as physicality.  Why then would it be valid for me to separate myself into various pieces/bits/parts of judgement?

How helpful is it for me to be in conflict towards eating? It is not helpful. It’s detrimental.

Is there any benefit for me to be judging myself as food so extensively? No

To be continued