Day 226 Being a Poor Sport

So I played floor hockey tonight and my team lost 2-1. There was some anger/disappointment/frustration/irritation/blame being expressed amonst the team members.

The team I am playing on is with people who grew up playing competitive sports...and winning is of utmost importance....where it's fun to win and it's not fun to lose. I too grew up with the attitude it's all about winning.

My dad would asked me if I had fun after playing a game of hockey or soccer on the drive home...and it bothered me when he would ask me if I had fun when I lost...I mean I did see the point in him asking the question and I am grateful he asked me this question as a point of support to not get swallowed up in obsession/possession as like totally energteically charged as emotionally attached to the outcome of a game/sport.

So, playing hockey tonight I had a few reactions to my teammates getting upset about losing the game and not exhibiting great sportsmanship towards the other team at the end of the game. This reflect my past acceptances and allowances as being a poor sport.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing winning to be of utmost importance.

I forgive myself for accepting and and allowing myself for limiting self enjoyment within sports and games to only having fun if I win and if I lose than I didn't have any fun.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not enjoying the whole process within sports and games...and for determining my self enjoyment at the final outcome of the sport/game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a poor sport.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for investing emotions and feelings in losing or winning as like I am on positive feeling high when I win a game and an emotional low negatively when I lose a game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how I would shift into different character personalities based upon the outcome of a game.

I forgive myself for not realising the connection play out of desire to be superior and the fear of being inferior within sport as like investing so much feeling and emotion into the game as like being serious about fearing to lose the game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having devlopped a ridiculous relationship within winning and losing as like winning is everything and losing is terrible defeat as like the end of the world.

I forgive myself for not at all considering the people I am playing against who experience a loss when I experience a win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting blame upon on others when I lose as like reasoning as excuses and justifications as to why the loss happen so as to delfect any responsibility and accountability for the loss and to in fact give my power a way to those I blame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the attitude of winning at all costs where in fact I disregard myself and others for the self interested energetic experience.

I forgive myself for not realising the consequence of self interested experiences as the root causes in global abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having limmited self enjoyment within sports and games as consequence of the win/loss relationship of feeling/emotion energy game.

I forgive myself for not realising the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing myself for taking a win or a loss personally as like accepting and allowing myself stability to be influenced within energetic fluctuation of the outcome of the game/support as winnin/lossing/tie.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to sports and games within the energetic experiences of winning or losing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abusing my body within sports as consequence of chasing after the desire to win at all costs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for sacrificing my body to win in sports.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fo rhaving perpetuated the output of mind consciousness systems within myself as polarity frictioned energies as positive feelings and negative emotions stemming from the fear of loss and the desire to win which is a derivative of the fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting feelings and emotions to sports and games.

I forgive myself for not realising the benefits of equalizing myself within sports and and games as a stable particpant here regardless of winning or losing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having perpetuated the attitude of winning is everything and losing is a shame/terrible/worst experience to be avoided.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for praising others when they win a competition and consoling others when they lose a competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having attached emotions and feeling to competiion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the benefits that are best for all life here in equalizing the relationship to and as competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing competition to be rooted in fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for particpating within a superiority/inferiority complex within sports/games/competitions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the emotional and feeling extremes to exist as love and hate within sport/game competitions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the ridiculousness of attaching love and hate as feeling and emotion extremes to sport/game competitions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having projected blame and hatred towards sports and games upon realising my relationship within sports and games as like blaming sports and games as the reasoning why I created the relationships of polarity frictioned conflict within spors/games competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having deflected blame as believing blame to be separate from myself as like to defend my ego of self itnerest so as to shield the ridiculousness of my relationship accepted and allowed participations within sports and games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting within sports and games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having justified and self validated the existence of feelings and emotions within sports and games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting positve energy feelings to winning sports/games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing negative emotions to losing sports and games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating addictions towards polarized energetic experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeding the high experiences within sports and games as consequence of accepting and allowing emotional lows within sports and games.

I realise the ridiuclousness of accepting and allowing positve feeling high experiences within sports and games.

I realise the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing emotional low experiences within sports and games.

I realise the ridiculousness of sacrificing physical well being in sports and games as a consequence of chasing after the desire to be the best as the winner within sports and games.

I realise the ridiculousness of taking a win or loss within sports and games personally as like allowing myself to be influenced by a win or a loss.

I realise the benefits of equalizing myself within sports and games as the winner and the loser.

I realise the ridiculousness of polarizing the relationship of winner and loser within sports and games.

I realise the ridiculousness of acting out positive energetic experiences within sports and games.

I realise the ridiculousness of acting out the negative energetic experiences within sports and games.

I realise the brutal nastyness of participating within sports and games within the starting point of a polarized relationship as separation as like fragmenting myself.

I realise the ridiculousness of reacting to the outcome of sports and games as like sacrificing my physical body as like participating in the play out of eitheir the high/low/neutral experience within sports and games.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing a polarized relationship within participating in sports and games, I stop and breathe and allow myself a laugh at the ridiuclousness of accepting and allowing such a relationship and therfore I stop the abusive relationship and build a supportive relationship as equality and oneness as what's best for all sports and games.

When and as I see myself reacting to another participants reactions within sports and games, I stop and breathe and realise the ridiculousness of taking reactions personally.

When and as I see myself desiring to win and fearing to lose, I stop and breathe and take a moment to laugh/chuckle/giggle at the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing such a relationship...and I allow myself to share the ridiculousness with those around me as living words of support as a means of preventing future participations within a polarized relationship of abusrd ridiculousness.

When and as I see myself engaing in the act of blame within sports and games, I stop and breathe and realise the ridiculousness of particpating as a poor sport...as like the ridiculousness of polarizing myself within conflict and friction.

When and as I see myself supporting others particpations within the play out of polarized energies within sports and games, I stop and breath and all myself to speak words of support so as to expose the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing such a relationship...and therfore open up the funny as self realisation as the ridiculousness exposed as a means of self support and prevention of perpetuating unnecessary abuse.

I commit myself to exposing the ridiculousness of emotions and feelings within games and supports.

I commit myself to using comedy as a means of facilitating self realisation in exposing ridiculousn absurdities.

I commit myself to equalizing my relationships within sports and games,

I commit myself to sharing the self realisation that equality within sports/games/competion is the best way to participate within sports/games/competions and is consistently the most enjoyable way to participate within sports/games/competitions.

Day 225 Here I Am

So, Here I Am, confident in myself commitment to walk process and stick to the discipline of applying myself in moving through process.


Desteni I Process Pro is cool self support. http://desteniiprocess.com/

I am grateful for giving myself the opportunity to apply myself here.

I am grateful for the assistance and support I have given myself.



So, what's going on with me...what am I doing with my time?

I'm getting an undergraduate degree in law...I am in the process of finishing final 2 courses needed to complete degree requirements. I have a 4th yr class called, "Jurisprudence" and I have a 3rd year course called, "Access to Information and Privacy Protection."

I'm teaching skiing part time. I'm also recently certified as a snowboard instructor....though I am booked up as a ski instructor at the ski hill I am employed with. I'm eager to further develop my ski skills. I'd also like to enhance my snowboarding performance. Specifically on ski's I'm working on perfecting  the art of doing the moguls/bumps. Also, I'd like to start doing more jumps and spins. I'd like to get a pair of twin tip ski's that make it easier to ski backwards and are designed to support doing jumps and sliding on rails and boxes.

I'm engaging myself in standup comedy as a means of planting seeds of awesomeness as holy shit realisations as like haha moments...as a way forward in sharing the Desteni message of equality and oneness as what's best for all life.

I'm starting to swim as a means of enhancing physical well being.

I'm registered to play floor hockey once a week starting tomorrow.

I've accepted a job for the spring and summer planting trees in British Columbia with the opportunity for more forestry work upon the end of the tree planting season.  The tree planting contracts I am working, I will be provided with motel accomodations with a kitchenette. I have always liked doing motel shows.

I have a dog named Daisy who I've been companions with for about 2 years and 3 months.

I'm in a committed relationship with a young Lady for about 2 years and 1-2 months...(longest ever)

I'm at peace with family...I've gone through exstensive shit....had a about a gazillion brutal reactions...asserted copius amounts of self righteousness upon my Mother/Father/Brothers.

I've let go of some strong addictions I had: weed, nicoteine, pop, candy, sleep, sex

I committed to Desteni I Process. I am about part way through Sra2...I just started the 5th lesson and I am committed to moving through course as a quick as possible.

I am committed to daily writing/bloging/Journey to Life.

I am committed to standing as part of the group of Destonian's who give a shit about Life as what's best for All Life here.

I am commited to being radical in purifying the Law of My Beingness as Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to walking process as a teacher and a student as sharing is caring.

I'm considering law school.

I'd like to improve my reading skills. 

I'd like to increase my vocabulary.

I'm interested in the future of humanity...I'm interested in self perfection always.

I'm interested in an end to all abuse and suffering.

Day 224, Breathing Part 21 of 21, Forgive and Forget

The importance with breath is to forgive and forget as to be for giving and for getting as the understanding of the give and the get relationship...as you get what you are willing to give as self forgiveness is an act of self willed determination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisitng giving myself the gift of self forgiveness as like being able to forget energetic restraints...as energetic frictions as emotions and feelings that are rooted in separation as like not getting it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for punishing myself as consequence of holding out on myself as like not forgiving myself everything as like to forgive myself for everything as like every single thought, feeling, emotion, memory I have ever experienced.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted letting go of my everything as thought, feeling, emotion, memory.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having claimed ownership on my thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories as my private belongings.

I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself for resisiting to take self resposnisibility for my every thought, feeling, emotions, memory.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for cycling around within my thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories as like the consequence of procrastination as like fucking around as a perverted form of masturbation that's insanely abusive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding back on myself as like hiding myself from myself as like fearing to go full out as like all out...as like totally let go of the fear hold....as like holding on for dear life...as consequence of fearing losing life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to lose life.

I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself for fearing death and life after death.

I forgive myself for having not considered life within the statement of life after death.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that I must face death before I can be granted life...as like to rise from the dead so to speak as the results of effective applications of speaking and writing the words of self forgiveness as the in fact giving life to self after death as the death is forgiven and forgotten and life is born again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having limmited my application of myself as birthing myself as life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making the birthing process difficult as consequence of fighting for my right as righteousness as like the attempt to exist as the living dead...as like to try to keep some remininse of the past as thought, feeling, emotion, memory that has some sort of self interested value...as like a token for me to hold onto as like somehow winning as consequence of out smarting life as equality and oneness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for deceiving and manipulating my best interests as the interests of life support and assistance as what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting confused within myself as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to fuck with myself by indulging within thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories and dwelling within picking and chooising judgement in which to condemn myself by the mercy of accepted and allowed self righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling helpless to the tempataion of energy pulls and pushes as like creating separation, friction, conflict within myself and when seeing the point of movement within myself...going into the desire to experience more movement/conflict/friction/separation...so as to fulfill desires for more specific feeling energy experiences in the attempt to be fulfilled as like the belief that I just gotta scratch this itch.

I realise the point of self forgiveness as a tool to forgive and forget so as to take self responsibility for myself here and to bring myself back to life as like willing myself to become a real living being as equality and oneness.

I realise to forgive and forget is to let go of all energetic friction as conflicted separation as like not getting it.

I realise the simplicity within forgive and forget as the ease of the easy way forward as to walk free without the chains and baggage of the past as like no more being a preprogrammed self interested ego driven organic robot.

I realise releaseing all point of ego as part of the forgiving and forgetting process as the means necessary in birthing a clean slate...as the self realisation of giving as you would like to receive.

I realise giving a much needed release is awesome assitance and support in releiving self imposed resistance/restraints.

I realise self forgiveness as a release as like jerking off or orgasming in sex...as like letting go of the accumulated acceptances and allowances within myself as built up energy.

When and as I see myself moving or building up energy within myself as consequences of thought, feeling, emotion, reaction, memory,...I stop and breathe...and I realise the ridiculousness of winding myself up without jerking myself off...as I realise the importance of self forgiveness as a means of self purification as self equalization as equality and oneness.

I am grateful to forgive and forget.

I commit myself to forgive and forget.

Day 223, Breathing Part 20 of 21 and Reading

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to be effective with 4 count breathing, by being very forceful with my breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for really trying to force effectiveness within breathing as like trying to control/tame breathing as like thinking that I have to be quite strong in my force to direct breath.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the suttlesness in self direction as breath as like a smooth easyness as like a soft wind blowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in breath in ways that seemed difficult and challenging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto any judgement about myself for challenging myself in breathing as self direction here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I cannot simply breathe in moments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fro rushing my breath in moments as like trying to stay/get ahead of a point of energegetic charge within myself as like to compensate for a reaction/dimensional shift within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating wuick jery movement within breath as like rushing breath from a stand point of urgency as like a fearful excitement..as like oh shit...rushed breath...violent forcefulness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for for reacting to backchat with forceful breaths as like saying fuck you back chat...eat this forceful directive breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having separted myself from my backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging my reading ability as an emotional negative charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining speed reading as positive feeling energetic charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a rift within reading abilities and potential capabilities as like moving from negative self judgement to positive self judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating energetic reactions about reading.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that my reading ability doesn't have to be an emotional or feeling thing and that the point is to equalify my relationship as a reader so as to remove any and all judgements about myself reading here effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling good talking to others about how I am commiting myself to learn to speed read.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for emphasizing the word speed in relation to read with regards to improving my reading effectiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining the word speed as a positive energy goodness in relation to the word read.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being ineffective with reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking offense and being upset with ineffectiveness with reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not accepting my current status of reading ability and comprehension.

I forgive myself for not considering breathing and the body to be like a form of reading as a self communication/regulation as assitance and support as reading is a means of communication as assistance and support.

I forgive myself for not realising and considering the connections between reading and breathing as live physical supports that enhance physical well being...as reading and breathing effectiveness determine physical body effectiveness...as communication here is correlated with breathing and reading.

I forgive myself for accpeting and allowing myself to get stuck/lost in breathing and reading as like a tiredness as resistance to remaining stable as directive principle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having worried that I won't have enough time to get through all my readings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to be known as a speed reader so as to prevent the fear from manifesting of not getting through all my readings...and also seeing anyone who can speed read so to speak as a superior being.

I forgive myself for accpeitng and allowing myself to be inferior within my reading abilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to have superior reading abilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having judged reading desires within realm of enregtc spectrum as conflict frictions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating resistanc towards reading certain things and creating a preference towards reading certain things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding reading about the things that I have the smallest preference towards and choosing to read first about the things I have a stronger preference toward....And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having self sabotaged my reading from the perspective of not always making practical decsions in my choosing of what to read...based on time allotments and deadlines.

I forgive myself for accpepting and allowing myself for having stressed myself out about completing all reading assignments for school and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having postponed school reading assignments because don't have strong energetic reaction towards doing reading assignments for school as like a postive feeling desire experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created distractions for myself as like so to avoid getting down to business and working through school readings as a means of self support and investigation as like also self intimacy in nature as my physical participation within practical movement here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking with my time management as a consequence of accepting and allowing myself for having resisted and postponed keeping up to date with readings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being dissapointed that I have not read all creations and heavens journey to life blogs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created and held onto a reaction of having not been able to keep up to date with heavens and creations journey to life blogs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for forgetting about the ridiculousness of reactions on any and all points....as like all reactions are equally ridiculous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget about the practicality of sticking to principle living as what is best for all life...over prefence as self itnerest as not considering what is best for all life here.

I commit myself to giving specific attention to school readings as like to take on points and not allow postponement.

I commit myself to accepting my currenting reading abilities and relinqushing all judgement and therefore allow myself to push the point of self development as to expand my reading abilities in all ways that are best for life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting self expansion to positive energetic feelings of righteousness as self entitlement as like giving myself a buzz as a reward.

I commit myself to walking self development as self expansion here within and as a humbleness as equality and oneness as like a willing way as a point of assistance and support to emphasize that everyone is capable and able to enhance self development as self expansion as physical self perfections.

Day 222 Breathing Part 19 of 21 Breathing is Key

20 days ago I decided to give some attention to my blogging about the importance of breathing as a means to enhance/accelerate process of self movement by becoming more effective with dealing and seeing points throughout my day.

Understanding the simplicity of breath makes letting go of points as mind energy possessions easier so to speak...as just breathe...and whoala the point dissipates. What I noticed is that I have to actively choose to not want to let points dissipate...by actually choosing to continue feeding the point by giving attention to the point as like having reactions/feelings/emotions about the point.

Giving focus in my writing to breathing, I've given myself greater stability within myself. I am actually kind of surprised with how much support as stability I have given to myself as consequence of giving attention to writing about breathing process and adopting/trying to incorporate 4 count breathing technique.

I have not mastered 4 count breathing technique yet, But, I will master 4 count breathing technique.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having placed expectations upon myself as like what kind of results I anticipate receiving before completing and particpating within a task/goal/challenge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting results for myself as like what I desire to see as future projections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I need to defend the fact that I have been kind of surprised with how much support I have given to myself in writing daily about breathing as a means of assisting all points I am walking in process.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that by making a point of writing about breathing and making a self commitment to focus/attention/direction to breathing...I enable self expansion, as like greatness is possible with enabling the time and discipline and patience as like key ingredients to establishing a sound structured base of support here as breathing...as like breathing as the starting point of each and every daily doing....exisiting as the beginning and the end of all creation here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting ahead of my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for using the words, "as like" to explain and expand on a point of sharing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having it deep ingrained within myself that I shouldn't say or use the word "like" so much within communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having believed early in my youth that repetitive use of the word like is a negative speech impediment to be avoided.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that using the words, "as like" within communication is a good thing, as like a means of self support, as like to relate and make connections and as a means of providing discription and detail and sharing image and likeness as equality and one connections as like the starting point connections on a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a big deal about the words, "as like" within my writing and speaking communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having avoided really confronting the point in writing about the use of the words, " as like" as like to create some sort of definitions or rules or restrictions or regulations upon myself and the way I use words as a means of communication.

I forgive myself for not wanting to consier that perhaps the way in which I have been using the words, "as like" as been a hinderance to the effectiveness of relaying communication to others and myself as a means of self support...as like perhaps I could be more direct and conscise as like to the point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it is not good to within communication have very many repetitive word selections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I should try to not repeat the same words to often out of fear of sounding like a broken record and displeasing others because the desire for me not to be consistent in sharing the same messaged over and over again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I should mix up messages as like changing the wording around just for the sake of mixing things up...when I have proven to myself that the initial message as a means of communication was effective/direct/conscise and to the point as clear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted to see that my communication hasnt always been clear and conscise and to the point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being less than specific in communication as consequence of not being here in breathing participation awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having participated in lots of communication from the starting point of reaction as like feeding an addiction because I didn't want to say no to addiction and just stop and breathe through the desire it's like I just wanted another pull/push.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating desires for pulls and pushes within myself as like never ending conflict that I created a bizarre form of enjoyment about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I ever really enjoyed fucking with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having self sabotaged myself with memories as a means of justification as like self manipulation for me to believe in self imposed limitiations as self suppressing self movement and expansion of myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a resistance towards breathing through resistances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for questioning the time it takes to facilitate real change within process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring instant change as like wanting what I wasn't willing to give...as like wanting results without putting in a full effort...as like wanting full results from a half assed effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being an egomaniac.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty breathing through specific points of egomania as like self righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reaciting to self rightoeusness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking self righteousness personally.

I forgive myself for accpeting and allowing myself for having found it difficult and challenging to not go there as like engaging within and as self righteousness within and as mirro reflection presentations as like to put people in there place because I see that they are being righteous. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for struggling with the point of self rightoeusness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having had difficulty many times keeping my mouth shout as like to disengage/dissipate perpetuation of mind fuckedness as like being out of control as like so far gone within possession/obsessions as self righteous addiction consequential play outs/time loops.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being extremely self righteous towards my family members.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making reasonings as justifications as like ways in which I feel good about being self righteous towards family as like a means of executing vengence upon my family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mysel for having blamed my family members for my actions as like believing my family members to be the cause of my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not crediting myself as responsible for my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having limmited myself to reactions within family participations.

I realise the ridiculousness of getting sucked into a self righteous family vortex as like a swirling of energy particpations from the persepctive of just wanting in on the action out of fear of missing out on something.

I realise much is learned from practicing keep one's mouth shout in family and group settings...as like to focus on listening and breathing...and not allowing self to comprisme self stability within and as communication from a starting point of conflict/friction as emotional/feeling reactions.

I commit myself to living the message as breathing being the key to self change as self perfection.

When and as I see myself experiencing a deisre commuicate from the starting point of self righteousness, I stop and breath and I accept and allow myself a chuckle within myself at the ridiculousness of even considering to go into a state of losteness as energy possessiveness as feeling/emotion/reaction.

When and as I see myself suppressing myself with backchat self indulgence, I stop and breathe...and I accept and allow myself to focus on 4 count rbeathing technique as a means of self support and I allow myself to realise the ridiculousness of particpating within backchat as like a form of suicide.

Day 221 Breathing Part 18 and Speed Reading

I got a shit ton of information to go through for the 2 law courses I am taking and I figure this is a great opportunity to teach myself how to speed read. I've read a little bit about speed reading and there is a couple points that jumped out at me as like woah.

1)It's not necessary to verbalize words aloud in my head...it takes longer to read by saying each word  in my head. (not saying each word as I read it is some what of a challenge...as I'm noticing that I just kind of react and repeat the words when reading by saying them in my head...like even though I have just made a point of not saying words alound in my head..it seems as though I have ingrained this pattern where I react to words in my reading and see the word and than say the word in my head before moving to the next word. I recognize the fact that I am able to read much faster without saying  each word to myself in my head. Also, I have demonstrated to myself that I am able to read without speaking words in my head as I read.)


2) Read with a pointer-using the pointer to follow along with the words...and move the pointer faster than you think you are able to read...you can actually read faster than you think you can.


Also, I see this learning exercise as assitance and support and facilitating effective breathing...and effective breathing facilitating effective speed reading....like the effectiveness of my breathing awareness may correlate with my ability to speed read.

Some self forgiveness to assist with developing effectiveness with speed reading:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf for having doubted in the past my ability to commit to the challenge of learning to speed read.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having spited myself in the past as like starting to learn to speed read and then deciding out of spite that I enjoy to read slowly verus's fast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created a preference towards reading slowly out of spite of having to work harder so to speak as like moving myself wuicker in order to speed read...as speed reading is more engaging so to speak...as like I am really immersed within and as the reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I cant not verbalize each word while reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to reactions as verbalizing some of the words as I learn to speed read.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting annoyed with the fact that I am not able to speed read in a way where I just process everything super fast instantiously as like just simply lloking at a page of text and done woalla, I got it.

I forgive myself for taking it personally that I verbalize some of the words while learning to speed read.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for focusing on the negative when learning new skills...as like making the learning difficult as like ugh this is so hard because I see is negative and taking the experience of not getting something personally as like putting self down and not feeling good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I am just a slow reader and that I will always be a pretty slow reader.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to be a fast reader.

I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to rush within reading as like wanting and desiring to get through texts as quick as possible.

I forgive myself for not realising that establishing rythym as timing and coordination in breathing can act as a gude/trust in enabling ability to be effective in speed reading.

I forgive msyself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my pateince, discipline and self determination in teaching myself how to be effective at speed reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for questioning the simplicity in learning to speed read.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking the abilitiy to speed read is like some great profound magical mystery as like an act of wizzardry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting within reading as like taking the words I am reading personally.

I forgive myself for not realising the point of support wihtin reading as a mirror reflection in facing myself and the nature of me as living words....and that where there is reaction in me to words...reveals a gift as an opportunity to walk self correction and purifiy vocabulary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dismissing words I dont't know and understand without taking the step to direct myself to a dictionary for clarifaction in specifics of word definitions.

I realise I am able and capable to develop great effectiveness as a speed reader.

I realise breathing will assist and support effectiveness as a speed reader....as breathing is always a point of assistance and support.

I realise the ridiculousness of focusing on reactions as like being triggered by words is ridiculous,,,and at the same time provides an opportunity as a means of purifying my vocabulary as equalizing my words so as to remove the conflict and friction I was holding within the words as charges I was placing/holding against myself.

I commit myself to use words as a means of assistance and support here to enhance practical living here.

I commit myself to becoming effective as a speed reader.

I commit myself to letting go of reactions as judgements about my reading abilities as I push myself to expand/enhance my reading abilities.

I commit myself to living breath as means of self directing reading in a way that is best.

Day 220 Breathing Part 17 of 21 Science of Awesome

To explain the science of awesome is to say awe so me as self realisationf of connection as self realisation as the starting point of awesome.  The science of awesome encompasses everything  as like the perfect circle and all points are relative whether within the circle or around the circle as like being a part/point of the whole way round-as to get around is to be well rounded on the edges.

Here, I play with what I say in a way that is awesome as a flow that is me as like a word smith as creative expression in communicating the message of equality and oneness.

Science of Awesome is sound logical structured common sense as always physical.  What makes the science of awesome so easy to understand and to relate and incorporate as a part of everything because self is always the starting point of it and everyone knows atleast 1 thing that is awesome to them.  Within this most basic self reflection as like tag you are it because it's all a self reflection here- The science of awesome is simplistic in supporting the expansion of self realisation as connections as like understanding self in ways that were not previously grasped...as like a coming into awareness...because the awareness comes from what wasnt known already.

What's cool about the science of awesome is that the priniciple starting point of self reflection is equality and oneness as responsibility in being IT as it being point of creation as awesome.  What's interesting, is that within examinations of brutal self honesty-one is always able to see any and all misalignments within awesome ...as like false proclaimations of awesomeness...as like acceptances and allowances which are not best...as like sights that produce awe in reponse...But the awe is like awe no...that's some terrible brutal shit.

The science of Awful is an extension/progression from the foundational science teachings of Awesome. The science of Awful is basically being able to see the full extent of awe here always as like without a lense/filter, so as to see clear without distortion the whole picture as all connections...which is the equality and oneness of awesomene in all ways as the awful truth.

Therfore, the science of awful always exposes/reveals the truth.

What is interesting about this is that through facing/embracing the awesome awful within one self is the action required as enabling the key given to self as entrance into the kingdom of heaven.  This is the case because all is Forgiven in the kingdom of heaven and therfore the kingdome of heaven is a place of self perfection which is Awesome as the science of awesome is the awful truth of the kingdom of heaven.

What assisted and supported me in bringing forth this sharing of awesomeness here as laying out the introduction of, "The Science of Awesome" was teaching a brother from another mother how to enhance snowboarding abilities.  The dude I was assisting with snowboarding enhancement as like increasing the flow fluidity rhythym timing and coordination play style ridiing fun with the methodology of basic physics principles of applications of pressure in regulating/directing/becoming equal and one within starting point of creating linked turns as like developing maneuverability as like being here and removing self imposed limitations on being here as consequence of not understanding relationships that one is moving in and as responsibility for. The dude asked me how my book was coming along. The dude is familiar with my sharing and incorporating the science of awesome into all my teachings...and so as I assisted and supported my fellow brother from another mother, my fellow brother from another mother was asssiting and supporting me as living to give as giving to live as an equal and one giving and receiving as mutual recognition of the science of awesome.

I told Gordie that I would be writing about the science of awesome tonight and that his assistance and support would be acknowledged as so to be documented as a way for me to express gratitude and gratefullness for the words of support Gordie shared with me today that facilitiated me in self directing the sharing of the science of awesome as a means of practical self support.

The science of awesome is radical in the simplicity in comparison to typical traditional sciences which are indoctrinated within the general education system as part of the systematic brainwashing that occurs as consequence of the awful truth as what we have accepted and allowed throughout time.

Keep it simple stupid!

Believing things cannot be simple in nature is ridiculous.  The only reason why anyone can believe things to be complicated is because of not understanding and therfore complicating a series of simplicities.  Therfore the more series of simplicities that are accepted and allowed to be complicated through creating a resistance as a point of friction/conflict/reaction brings about unfortunate turns as mistakes as consequence of accepting and allowing one self to operate with poor form/technique/direction/clarity/ingenuity which is consequence of over thinking....which is like accepted and allowed witch craft as spells induced upon self as like self hypnosis's that generate/perpetuate/fuel a cast system of polarity frictioned proportions of vulgar abuse appearing under the guise of innocence and self entitlement....which is like a never ending list of reasonings as explanations and jsutifications because the logic is flawed in nature as like originating from a structural design flaw as a discrepancy from the starting point of equality and oneness as Life simplicity as many series of simplicities in agreement sharing the electricity here as our ears to be without fears because no one is talking privately between the ears where the conversation is hidden as like not to be said because the fruit is forbidden as like the golden rule-don't eat from the tree of knowledge or you'll end up conssuming yourself in polarity friction as consequence of disobeying the most basic simplistic instruction which was written as clear structual sound construction not open to interpreation because the point was stright forward as the origins of beginning are simple in nature because we originate from series of simplicities in nature as like simple cities working together as an agreement as a collective harness power/force/movement as an energy that can only be defined as equality and oneness which all Life is always a part of the whole way round....because we are always in turn..and therfore the importancein giving/taking the best turns as the basis of give as you like to receive...and therfore there is no need to believe as like to create a need as a reason to disobey the golden rule...as don't eat from the tree of knowledge.........

So, to clarify the above paragraph- Is to see the message explanation example,as, 'keep it simple stupid'....for if you don't...